I find your articles to be great fun. Your turns of phrase are a riot... upscale potty humor - literally.
But there may be a reason (beyond cost) why hand dryers aren't in those small, ill-ventilated spaces in the bowels (see what I did there?) of ancient theatres: http://www.webmd.com/news/20141121/restroom-hand-dryers-spread-more-germs-than-paper-towels-study-finds
This has some traction in the real world, too. My office just had a multi-million dollar renovation, including the restrooms, which include those jet dryers. Within days of opening they were disconnected. Seems that the folks at NIH and related inspectors find them unsafe in a confined space enough to label them a risk to public health . Go figure. #broadwayhatessickpatrons