A Gay Man's Reponse

[PalJoey]

Posted: 11/4/04 at 4:01pm

A friend on another board shared these eloquent, angry thoughts.

=====

Do you know what it feels like to be the victim of a political bashing? Do you know what it feels like to be vilified and pilloried for political gain? I do. Because I am gay and because I am an American. Yesterday, I got beaten and bashed and bloodied and bruised. By Georgia. By Ohio. By Michigan. By Arkansas, Kentucky, Mississippi, Montana, North Dakota, Oregon, Oklahoma and Utah. And by a majority of the voters of this country generally.

I live with my partner in New York City, I work hard, pay my share of taxes and contribute in countless ways to this country and my community. I strive every single day to be a better, more sensitive and caring partner, a devoted uncle to two amazing little nieces, a supportive and loyal brother to my sister and brother-in-law, and a thankful and gracious son to my parents. My partner and I have many dear friends, straight and gay, all over this country and around the world. We seem to be well liked and accepted nearly everywhere we go, including in the south where we visit frequently. But apparently, in 2004, being gay in this country is license to pull me out of my quiet home, drag me into the alley of public opinion and beat me senseless -- for pure political gain.

On November 2d, the citizens of 11 states, by overwhelming majorities, voted to “secure” and “defend” the sacred institution of marriage. In doing so, they preserved the enduring institution of marriage as a privilege and benefit for only the majority. Some states went even further, voting to deny all benefits for anything even remotely resembling same-sex marriages, including civil unions and domestic partnerships. As I sit here today, I feel badly beat up, bloodied and bruised by my fellow citizens.

The blows were fast and furious on Tuesday night, coming from many different directions. The citizens of Georgia, where my partner grew up, went to school and where all of his family currently lives, delivered a blow to my stomach. That punch made me weary. The residents of Ohio, where I was raised, attended public schools, was named Student of the Year in 8th grade, played varsity sports and served as student government president in high school, gave me a ferocious left hook to the head in the form of Amendment 2. That one really hurt – it drew blood – because Ohio’s clever amendment not only preserves the institution of marriage for straight people but also prohibits gay people from ever gaining any benefits associated with marriage. Then came the voters of Michigan, where I went to college, was elected president of my fraternity and where most of my extended family lives – the voters of Michigan punched me right in the gut. After that blow, I started coughing up blood. All told, it was a complete and utter repudiation by citizens from the states where my partner and I were born, raised and educated. It was a thorough bashing -- and a rejection of everything I learned from the very citizens I grew up with – that you should treat every person with dignity and respect.

After the 11th blow from citizens of 11 different states, I was doubled-over in agony. But the worst was yet to come. Even after the passage of these hurtful and blatantly discriminatory state amendments, I managed to rise to my feet, steady my legs and breathe slowly, only to realize that the knock-out punch had arrived. The knock-out punch came from the Electoral College where my fellow American citizens delivered an electoral victory to a man who, on a daily basis for nearly a year, has ridiculed and debased my very being with prize-fighter precision, telling everybody, from enormous public rallies to private gatherings, that I am “out of the mainstream” and “without values.” As if I needed to be reminded on a daily basis by the leader of the free world that I am not in the majority.

It is now November 4th – two days after the assault. My body is bashed and broken. My vision is blurred – I cannot really recognize the America I live in. The punches came fast and furious from every direction. My head pounds and my heart aches. As I stagger out of the alley, back to my quiet home, my good job and my dear community, I wonder if the damage will be permanent. I wonder if my body can heal. I wonder if my spirit is broken. I honestly wonder whether I am not mentally scarred for a very long time from the assault. On Tuesday, this country delivered punch after punch after punch to its sons and daughters because we live honestly as who we are. Because we seek happiness and fulfillment in our lives through relationships and emotional ties with people we think are amazing and beautiful, and just happen to be of the same sex.

The President aided, abetted and encouraged the assault. He brought this fight to us. He dragged us from our homes and made us a punching bag. He unleashed the forces of fear, hatred and bigotry from the bully pulpit of the White House. He brought this fight purely for political gain, after being convinced by his advisers that his path to re-election was to “rally his base”. And he proved that nothing rallies the base better in 2004 than a good ole fashioned gay bashing.

What sickens me most is that some of our closest friends and family were co-conspirators and witnesses to the assault, standing idly by and watching without saying a word or taking a stand. Many even voted for the President, either because they silently agree with his discriminatory, bigoted politics or because “there are other more important issues.” Even my parents, who voted for the President, stood by and watched, seemingly unaffected, as I was beaten senseless and vilified for political gain.

Apparently flip-flopping and lower taxes are more important issues to them than their son getting his heart and spirit bashed over and over again. To the President and his many supporters, and to the citizens of those 11 now “pure” states, I simply say this: You’ve had your public thrashing – You’ve got your pound of flesh. You bashed your way to control of the instruments of our federal government and control the future of our courts. And you have re-elected a divisive bigot. Now please leave us alone and give us time to heal in the comforting arms of our loving partners, supportive family and friends and courageous colleagues. That’s one decent thing you can do.

[Unknown User]

Posted: 11/4/04 at 4:04pm

Thank you. This is getting sent out to a few places.

[PalJoey]

Posted: 11/4/04 at 4:06pm

I'm glad you responded, DGrant. I thought of you when I read it.

[Westopher]

Posted: 11/4/04 at 4:07pm

Obviously I understand the point, but to think people voted for Bush based soley on his stance on gay-marriage is asanine.
The only thing I can do tho is wish you good luck in the fight, as well as do my part. I hope a rant on a message board isn't the extent of you and your friends assistance to the gay community.

[TheGaIsSilent]

Posted: 11/4/04 at 4:17pm

Westopher,

Agreed, but it sure feels like it.

[Unknown User]

Posted: 11/4/04 at 4:19pm

It's NOT based solely on that, but much of how the country voted will affect a significant portion of the population (I think the 10% figure is low)for some time. It was the religious right that got their agenda mandated, and it targets the gay and lesbian community in particular....the witch hunt has just begun.

[Pip]

Posted: 11/4/04 at 4:19pm

I feel humbled by the simple eloquence of your friend, PJ. Bringing the whole issue down to this very human level is what we never successfully accomplished, obviously, with those who voted to shut us out. I like to believe that, as a whole, Americans are a compassionate people...but compassion was absent on Tuesday.

[Unknown User]

Posted: 11/4/04 at 4:22pm

Pip - then the thing to do is start getting our stories out there. This is only one episode of a long-running series.

[Unknown User]

Posted: 11/4/04 at 4:30pm

Beaver - those women are two of my heroines - how fabulous for you to have had that experience!

[Pip]

Posted: 11/4/04 at 4:42pm

I am still an optimist, DG. I agree; this is just an episode in a quest for what is right...and I cling to the belief that "right" will ultimately prevail. Those of us in the middle of the maelstrom are impatient that others cannot see what is so obvious to us...but we have to accept that it is NOT so obvious, apparently, and continue to work to ease the illogical fears that still drive majority opinions. We already have made progress in raising the attention level to our issues. The result was getting slapped down again, but no one can deny that the cause got discussed...and nationally. Incremental progress with public opinion may be the best we can hope for, though.

[PalJoey]

Posted: 11/4/04 at 4:44pm

We LOVE Phyllis and Del!

My partner and I went on an RSVP cruise last year. Among all the bears and musclemen and circuit boys were two 80something lesbians who were celebrating their 50th anniversary.

One of them was in a walker and bent over from osteoporosis. The other was spry and very funny. They were treated as royalty by the gay men all throughout the cruise, and we would move them up to the front of drink lines and food lines, get buffet trays for them, buy them drinks, stop by their table at dinner and wish them well, applaud for them as they strolled down the decks.

50 years. If that's not a marriage, nothing is.

***

By the way, I know from your responses that Rodney/Eric/Westopher contributed to this thread--undoubtedly something negative and nasty--BUT I HAVE HIM BLOCKED SO I GOT TO READ YOUR WONDERFUL RESPONSES WITHOUT GETTING BUMMED OUT! Now THAT makes me smile.

[Westopher]

Posted: 11/4/04 at 5:02pm

Coming from a straight man, that's not the reasoning. It's because they think homosexuality is wrong and that this would justify it more so.
Now if someone could please ask PalJoey for me what's so bad about my posts if people are agreeing with me, that would be great.

[PalJoey]

Posted: 11/4/04 at 5:06pm

Exactly, Beav.

The same groups of people who voted for those gay-bashing measures are experiencing skyrocketing divorce rates. But they can't outlaw divorce, so we become the convenient scapegoats.

[Westopher]

Posted: 11/4/04 at 5:07pm

To Catholics divorce is wrong, no other denomination looks down upon it as hard as they do. Homosexuality on the other hand covers a much broader spectrum.

[Westopher]

Posted: 11/4/04 at 5:10pm

Unfortunatly, that's not besides the point. Alot of people have a hard time seeing the other side of something they disagree with.

[Westopher]

Posted: 11/4/04 at 5:13pm

::enters a mild state of confusion::

[DottieD'Luscia]

Posted: 11/4/04 at 5:33pm

Pal Joey,

Thanks for sharing your experience regarding the RSVP cruise. It actually brought tears to my eyes. I'm sending your original post to my sister in Tennessee. She already knows how upset I am about the election, but your friends letter makes a good case.

[B.B. Wolf]

Posted: 11/4/04 at 5:47pm

Thanks for posting this, Pal. I'll be passing it around.
As far as the Presidency is concerned, I don't know what consolation I could possibly give. But as to the states that voted on the ban, I wish I could offer a universal apology for all of the ignorant heterosexuals living in this country. There are those of us that have many gay friends whom we love dearly and that we'd NEVER in a million years condemn to second-class citizenship. I wish we were majority. Much to my dismay and confusion, we found out recently that we were not. So, for MY personal apology: I'm sorry for not doing enough to change that.

[PalJoey]

Posted: 11/4/04 at 5:49pm

You're the only Bush-supporter on this board I have NOT blocked.

So far.

[DottieD'Luscia]

Posted: 11/4/04 at 5:52pm

If anyone read the NY Times today, there was an excellent article (A Blue City (Disconsolate, Even) Bewildered by a Red America) about how New Yorker's feel about the differences between them and those in rural areas . I'd provide the link, but I don't know how.

Updated On: 11/4/04 at 05:52 PM

[B.B. Wolf]

Posted: 11/4/04 at 5:56pm

I'm not a Bush supporter. I'll stick to that even though, through several "conversations" we've had, I completely understand you thinking that because I didn't vote for Kerry. No one will EVER say you're wishy-washy, my friend. You're incredibly passionate, and THAT is to be commended.

[B.B. Wolf]

Posted: 11/4/04 at 6:08pm

Dgrant? Where you at? You got my back? Paljoey's starting some crap!

[B.B. Wolf]

Posted: 11/4/04 at 6:13pm

http://www.lp.org

[Westopher]

Posted: 11/4/04 at 6:29pm

Holy freaking crap, another Libertarian.

"Well, if you didn't vote for Kerry, you were part of the problem"
That ignorant bastard should be glad he blocked me.

[Unknown User]

Posted: 11/4/04 at 7:02pm

There's more than one Libertarian on this board.

B.B. - don't you worry