Audition and monologue tips.

[christine_c]

Posted: 1/13/07 at 9:12am

I wanted to know how you think I should go about my monologue. It could go either way. I could do it bitterly or I could do it kind of... less bitter, and more just making fun of the whole idea. I'm auditioning for the Baltimore School for the Arts, by the way.

This is my monologue. It's from one of those cheap "monologues for teens" books... yeah.

"What is it with people who love funerals? It's like they just can't get enough of the dead. The just love visitations. "Don't mind me, I'm just hanging around enjoying the body." In fact, I think they like dead people more than live people. And... well... come to think of it, there are advantages, I guess. I mean, like, dead people don't talk back, they're quiet, respectful, they don't interupt, they don't lie, they don't steal, they're clean, they're always dressed nice, they never show up at your house unexpectantly while you're trimming your toenails. Hey, I guess in someways, they're perfect.

What is it with their hands always being folded over their chests? What if they'd been in the military? Wouldn't it be more realistic if they were saluting? (salutes) Or if they'd been politicians? (waves) Or impatient drivers ... ? (gives "the finger").

Have you ever noticed how people talk to the corpse? Weird. Far out. They say stuff like, "Well, take it easy now, Jane." How easy can you take it? If dead isn't easy, I don't want to go. Or, "Well, now you'll be with your friends." What if they didn't have any friends? Like my uncle, Leonard, who was universally hated by everybody. Of course, when he died, he was, "a wonderful person." "Wounldn't hurt a fly." "Everybody loved him." "He'll be missed." How could he be missed? Nobody would have anything to do with him. But now that he's dead, he's sweet, wonderful, kind and generous. Generous. I guess all of the sudden everyone forgets about that time that he got caught taking money out of the March of Dimes display. But now he's dead, so he's perfect, now he's going to join Aunt Rose, who divorced him for exposing himself to her Meals on Wheels women.

Then there are the remarks about how good the body looks. "Doesn't he look good?" "Isn't she beautiful?" "She never looked lovlier." When you're alive, all you hear is how rotten you look. "You don't look so good." "Have you been getting enough sleep?" "If I were you, and I don't mean to alarm you, but I'd see a doctor." When you're alive, nobody ever tells you how good you look. But die and it's, " Doesn't he look good?" "Isn't she beautiful?" Why is it you have to die before you get compliments?"

Any other tips would be fantastic. Anything other than "try not to be too nervous" and "have fun".

[EmieMarie]

Posted: 1/13/07 at 4:50pm

1. Throw away monologue
2. Read a play
3. Pick Monologue from Play
4. Kick yourself for not already knowing that at this point