Bad Theatre Stories- Page 2

[JohnPopa]

Posted: 6/24/04 at 4:21pm

I'm watching 'West Side Story' with a friend of mine who a) has no tact and b) doesn't know how to whisper. So we're at the end of the show -- right at the climax of the whole thing and he bellows (thinking he's whispering but really piercing the silence) "MARIA HAS A BIG ASS."

[~FloweryFriend~]

Posted: 6/24/04 at 4:30pm

I have another "West Side" story.

Maria had been dating the boy who kills Tony.
Bad break-up RIGHT before the show.
During final scene, boy VERY OBVIOUSLY shot MARIA instead of Tony.
Maria realizes the bullet was intended for her, and dies.
Tony delivers final monologue.

[JohnPopa]

Posted: 6/24/04 at 4:33pm

There was a straight guy in 'West Side Story?' :)

[GovernorSlaton]

Posted: 6/24/04 at 4:36pm

Ha..."West Side" story...I get it.

POISON BOOT!!!

[rlbgbc]

Posted: 6/24/04 at 4:39pm

To continue the trend of WSS stories:

Did a production of this in stock in Texas. The director/choreographer had done the revival (you know, the one with Debbie Allen as "Anita") on Broadway, and she was so INTO IT. The veritable WSS goddess...in her own mind.

Anyway, we were rehearsing the death scene. No blank guns yet, just a rehearsal prop. Tony enters, looks around for Maria. She step out of the shadows. He runs toward her. The guy playing Chino (yes, that's his name...Chino) step out upstage R, as Tony runs into her arms. He raises his gun and says....


"BANG!"



Well, you'da thought someone had committed a felony. The director went off on this unbelievvvvvvable diatribe: "'Bang'? The most serious moment of the show, and all you can say is 'Bang'?? That turned this moment into a travesty, do you hear me? In the future, when you do this scene without the actual prop, the word to designate firing the gun will be 'SHOT'? Do you hear me??? 'SHOT.' I....never....want.....to....hear....the....word....BANG....again. EVER." And on and on. Kinda like a Joan Crawford moment.

Well, this poor kid was so embarrassed at being dressed down in front of everyone that tears came to his eyes, but he held it together. They run the scene again. And Chino, still smarting and still rattled from his tongue lashing, steps out again and says....

SH...er, BANG!


God's honest truth. Another convulsive moment for me for which, yes, I got a dressing down as well.

But me not care. Me talk purty.

[~FloweryFriend~]

Posted: 6/24/04 at 4:44pm

This is my final "West Side" Story, I promise.

Maria is played by a Prima Donna Diva Witch.
Final scene.
Closing night.
Maria starts all up in her diva.
Decides to screw the script.
Shoots herself.
Dies a very overly-dramatic death.
Cast doesn't know what to do.
Anita (runs in from offstage, I believe) delivers remainder of closing monologue.

Updated On: 6/24/04 at 04:44 PM

[fiesta1]

Posted: 6/24/04 at 5:38pm

Ok - my turn

I was an a Community theatre production of "Carnival" - that 'other' musical/comedy with puppets. I played Dr. Glass -- the out-or-town lover of Rosalie who was also a veterinarian. The director thought it would be great fun for me to have live animals with me -- a duck in my medical bag, and a live rabbit in the pocket of my white lab coat. I would then pull them out as tokens of my affection to Rosalie. The director had seen too many Marx Brothers movies, I fear.

One performance, I reach into my bag to do my stuff to impress Rosalie, and the damned duck bites me. Hard. "FU..." I say and drop the duck as he scampers about the stage. I try to chase the duck and deliver my lines. The bunny must have known that something was up, and he decides to relieve his bladder while inside my white labcoat. So there I am, with a pinched finger, a pissed-off duck, and a yellow stain spreading across my costume. I found it hard to be charming and romantic then.

The adage is correct. Never perform with children and live animals. For the remainder of the run, I called the duck "Peking" and dreamt of plum sauce...

[GovernorSlaton]

Posted: 6/24/04 at 5:53pm

I have another!

Grease-I was Danny, and Sandy and I were waiting off-stage in the car, ready for the next scene. The scene going on was when the other greasers were preparing for the rumble. The scene had went very smoothly in rehearsal. But this time, in the middle of the scene, there was a HUGE awkward silence. They panicked. They couldn't think of what they could do, so they started saying their lines from the beginning of the scene. Maybe they would remember that way, but no, there was another long pause. The pause lasted 45 seconds, until they gave up and walked off the stage. The show's running time lengthened by about 7 minutes.

[iruvyou]

Posted: 6/24/04 at 6:10pm

I went to this camp and we were doing a bunch of songs from diffirent show and right before my friend and this guy were about to do a duet from South pacific the guy decided to go outside and run laps on the track outside and luckily the director didn't find out and the guy came back on time to perform even though he was out of breath

[judy_in_disguise]

Posted: 6/24/04 at 7:38pm

I was in a Neil Simone a few years ago. Another actress was sitting beside me in a dinner scene at the kitchen table, wearing a short skirt. Her legs were not completley under the table. One of the gels on a light directly above her started to melt and fell off- on to her lap! She brushed it off, finished the scene and emerged with really bad burns!

[~FloweryFriend~]

Posted: 6/24/04 at 7:43pm

In a performance of "Crimes of the Heart".
One character throws chocolates at one point.
Later, a girl sat on a chair, not realizing a chocolate was on it.
She stood up, and the chocolate was stuck to her rear, hanging off of the pants.
She didn't know why the audience was cracking up.
She then sat on a desk, and her body heat proceeded to melt the chocolate into the fabric.

A different actress was supposed to sit in the chair a bit later, but saw some chocolate pieces on it, so sat on the desk instead.

By the end of the show, two of the three leads had huge chocolate stains on their butts.
And although the acting was great, I do not remember the plot from the play.
I was too intruiged by the chocolate.
Funniest thing I've ever seen.

[nystateomind04]

Posted: 6/24/04 at 7:54pm

during my high school's production of annie get your gun, the idiot who played frank is supposed to come in on the second verse of "anything you can do i can do better". well, his moment comes and all he can work up is "anything you can..." he trails off and stands there looking horrified. well, in full awareness of the nature of the scene, our annie pushes him off into the wings and sings the rest of the song herself... somehow. BUT the funniest thing is that he came back onstage at one point during the song and tried to join in and she pushed him off AGAIN!

i was playing charlie and was supposed to be watching all this in silence, but the entire cast, myself included, was cracking up. truth be told, none of us really liked the guy who played frank, but i don't think we expected for him to be pushed off the stage twice in one song!

[citylights]

Posted: 6/24/04 at 7:59pm

FloweryFriend, where was the 'poisoned boot' story from? My drama teacher told us the same story before, and I can't see this happening more than once anywhere.

robbiej, that dove story cracked me up!! I know I have at least one of these theater horror stories but I can't think of any right now..

[~FloweryFriend~]

Posted: 6/24/04 at 8:18pm

My friend Anne (she's in her late 20s) said her friend was in the WSS production where this happened.
It was at a high school several years ago.
Don't know where.
Anne is from Michigan, so that's my best guess on the high school.
I can't believe that you've heard the world's best WSS story, too!


POISON BOOT!!!

[judy_in_disguise]

Posted: 6/24/04 at 8:37pm

Another West Side story (haha no pun intended)...
Final scene. Gun doesn't work. Guy pulls a knife that was a prop for another person and stabs Tony. Not as good as the poison boot, but apparently that gun causes a lot of trouble!
****
When I did the Wizard of Oz, during the tornado when I usually just run off stage and there was sound/fan and lighting effects, they decided to FLY the trees behind me. They rigged the trees and were flying them up and down, but NO ONE TOLD ME. I'm suprised I made it off stage alive!

[boborunstheshow]

Posted: 6/24/04 at 8:47pm

in my recently closed production of "star spangled girl"
i spent most of rehearsals causing everyone to break character with my adlibbing, adlibbing i did not know i was capable of. with my new found talent, i decided that i would make one of the other actors break durning the actual production. the show ran for 4 weeks, and no avail. I busted out all the guns, Adding goofy facial expressions, lines, props, and actions. In our third to last show, i had knocked off a bell off the desk in the first scene and it rolled under the couch. towards the end i use the bell to call the girl off stage. ringing the bell means she is supposed to come onstage and spell a word for me. the scene started, and i realized that the bell wasn't there. i looked around the set for a moment, then said, "spelling!"

There was a long pause.

finally she came onstage and the scene went on. i learned later that she had broken up in hysterical silent laughter. i was soooo proud of myself. i marked it as my 9th official accomplishment in my life.

[Borstalboy]

Posted: 6/24/04 at 9:13pm

From some production of "The Sound Of Music"
The Reverend Mother was played by an operatic soprano, who happened to have a very thick German accent.
A moment of dialogue from the show:

MARIA: Oh, Reverend Mother, I was afraid! There is something about him I can't face!
REVEREND MOTHER: What is it you can't face?

Apparently much hilarity was caused backstage by the Reverend Mother's accent in this scene:

MARIA: Oh, Reverend Mother , I was afraid! There is something about him I can't face!
REVEREND MOTHER: Vat iss it you ****-face?

[~FloweryFriend~]

Posted: 6/24/04 at 9:25pm

Speaking of funny accents, when I saw Chicago on broadway a few years back, Velma Kelly had one.
Czech? Austrian?
Something like that.
Try to imagine my imagine my experience with the opening number.

"Cuhm uhn beb.
Vy dunt vee pent zeh town.
Und oll deht chez"

[boborunstheshow]

Posted: 6/24/04 at 10:12pm

Another mike left on story

In my high school's first year, whatever character plays the bad guy went back stage to take a relieve some solid mass, during the show. His whole production, along with his comments about it, was broadcasted for everyone to hear. i dont remember how the actors handled it.

[MyNameInLights]

Posted: 6/24/04 at 11:58pm

This one is my mom's: In her high school production of Gypsy, the guy in the audience who yells, "Do something! Dip!" could not get the line right at all. It came out, "Do something dip!" That story kills me. All your stories are so fun to read you guys!

[aspiringguy715]

Posted: 6/25/04 at 12:13am

haha i have a mic story...
middle of the dress rehearsal of "how to succeed in business without really trying" act one closer finch was just on with rosemary confessing their love, blah blah blah
he exits for frump to come in, and apparently he had to pee realllllllly bad, now he has a bad mouth lol
"holy f*ck i have to pee so f*cking bad!!! and my entrance is in like f*cking two seconds....sh*t i have to pee dude sh*t!!!"
rosemary and frump are horrified as the director gets on the PA system and calmly states in a very mellow voice
"now john, i dont care how f*cking bad you have to pee, don't do that in my show EVER!, thank you"

[Sumofallthings]

Posted: 6/25/04 at 12:15am

When will Barrowman learn?