Bad Theatre Stories

Funny Fiddler Story: College production of this at Lambuth College in Jackson, TN, back in the 80s. Seems they were short on chorus people, especially in Tzeitel's wedding scene -- you know, when the russians come in and pogrom it all to hell. For the dancer demands of the scene, all available chorus folks were the jews, with only a few to play the russians -- including a lesbian from hell in a cossack uniform and a beard.

So the scene progresses, with 25 people doing the "Sunrise, Sunset" number and accompanying dance. In come the russians -- the bearded lesbian and her sidekick, an anemic looking 13 year old boy. They walk in knock over a chair -- and all 25 jews run screaming to the other side of the stage. New meaning to the term "marauding lesbian".

I had to leave at intermission -- which thankfully came right after that scene -- because I almost wet my drawers from laughing so hard.

I don't know if this is a theatre urban legend or what...but when I was doing community theatre in Fair Lawn, NJ at the tender age of 17, I worked backstage for a production of Company. One of the women in the cast recounted this tale of a production of Sound of Music she claims she was in. Apparently, the director wanted to make it darker and grittier, so when he staged the nuns singing their prayers, he had a group of Nazis come on stage and kick the **** out of them. That's a favorite, true or not.

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True 'Sound of Music' story. During 'My Favorite Things' at a local colleg production they changed the drops when the whole number kicked in, bringing in a curtain to cover a scene change of some sort. One night the fly person pulled the wrong line and, you guessed it, a phalanx of Nazi flags came down during 'My Favorite Things.' The cast had NO IDEA why everyone was laughing so hard at first.

Peter Pan-I played John, and I was supposed to be sleeping. Well, Peter Pan (who was awful, by the way) came out and did the Peter Pan Pose, and everyone in the audience starting clapping. I had a blanket over me, and I muttered "Don't clap for him!" I didn't realize my mic was on.

A remarkable Joanne...even though the music, is so,

Updated On: 6/24/04 at 02:33 PM

Gov. Slaton, your Peter Pan wasn't Melissa Giattino per chance, was it? She played "Peter" in some tour I booked in once, and she was absolutely the woooooorst PP I've ever seen. Talk about mugging -- you had to pull back to Saskatchawan to be able to look at her without wincing.

That Peter Pan story is a RIOT!!!!!

I once played Hansel in teh opera version of Hansel and Gretel back when I was 13. My understudy was an obnoxious little prick, for lack of a better term. My costume was authentic and sent over from Germany by a family member of the production staff. They were going to reproduce it for my understudy, who bitched and bitched until the decided that if he were to go on, he could wear my costume -- to shut him up. He was about 3 sizes too small for it though. LOL. During one performance, a group of several girl scout troups were in the audience, as well as a group from a retirement home -- yes, it was a certain matinee day....
During the third act, Gretel and I push the witch into the oven, under the scene, my understudy was wanderinga round backstage. There si a huge rumbling from the speakers hidden in teh set when teh oven is about to explode, then BANG! A flash of lights, a flashpot, and a blackout when the oven explodes... Gretel and I hit the floor... but this particular day, we heard a yell of "HOLY SH*T!" from backstage. My annoying understudy was wandering around and was leaning against the front of the 6 foot tall speaker used for that effect. I heard a HUGE gasp from the audience and had to turn upstage to keep from laughing.

Pia Zadora in a 1990 LA production of "Funny Girl"

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I nearly shot when I saw it!

She was ditsy and dizzy? Oh, dear! That is a bad combination. Funny story.

My friend's Dad was the stage manager at Radio City Music Hall, years ago. This is the story as told to me. They used to do the Nativity Scene in between the show..not at the end like they usually do now. Anyway, during the Nativity scene the animals couldn't hold their business until the scene was over. Yep, the Rockettes came out kicking before the stage crew had time to take care of the feces. They kicked it all over the first couple of rows. I guess that's one show you wouldn't have wanted to be sitting close.

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Here's another Radio City story. During the "Living Nativity", the singers/dancers get paid extra to be...well, extras, i.e. shepherds, etc. A friend of mine was one of these: a shepherd with a sheep on a leash. During one performance, his leashed sheep got amorous with another leashed sheep. So, while the voice of God was intoning the gospel, and everyone was paying homage to Mary and progeny up on that mountain, these two sheep downstage right were furiously going...at....it. Accompanied by the hysterial shoulder shaking of the shepherds.

Final scene of West Side Story.
Tony supposed to be shot.
Fake gun does not go off correctly.
Actor playing Tony misses cue, does not die.
Boy holding gun freaks out.
Takes off his shoe, runs up to Tony, hits him with it.
Shouts "POISON BOOT!!"
Tony dies.
Maria changes monologue.
"Is there enough poison left in this boot for you and you and you?"

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Updated On: 6/24/04 at 03:42 PM

Poison boot is a good one.

I'm sure you all know the theatre urban legend about the doves, right?

OK...so...there was a high school production of THE SOUND OF MUSIC being done and the director wanted a really moving ending. So he decided that at the climax of the final reprise of 'Climb Every Mountain', one hundred beautiful white doves would be released from above the stage to fly out over the audience and return to roost in the lighting booth at the back of the theatre. However, the renting of the doves was very expensive, so they couldn't rehearse with them.

Cut to opening night. Before the show, the doves are positioned in their cages above the stage and the show begins. And it really was a lovely production (especially for a high school). Well...the big moment came and as the Von Trapp's are escaping the Nazis and the nuns are singing them to safety, the stage hand released the cages and one hundred dead doves fell to the stage.

They were rigged to close to the lights and they were cooked.

FINGER LICKIN' GOOD!

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