Why did I think of you all when I read this?
Dear Friends,
I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been good this year. Since you have, I will be telling my elves to make some goodies for me to leave under your tree at Christmas. I was going to bring you gifts from the 12 days of Christmas, but we had a little problem.
The 12 fiddlers fiddling have all come down with VD from fiddling with the 10 ladies dancing. The 11 lords leaping have knocked up the 8 maids a-milking, and the 9 pipers piping have been arrested for doing weird things to the 7 swans a-swimming.
The 6 geese a-laying, 4 calling birds, 3 French hens, 2 turtle doves and the Partridge in a pear tree have me up to my sled runners in bird ****.
On top of all this, Mrs. Claus is going through menopause, 8 of my reindeer are in heat, the elves have joined the gay liberation and some people who can't read a calendar have scheduled Christmas for the 5th of January. Maybe next year I will be able to get my **** together and bring you the things you want. This year I suggest you get your asses down to Walmart before everything is gone.
Santa
"Two drifters off to see the world. There's such a lot of world to see. . ."
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