Can the adults please smoke? (Pt.2)- Page 636

[beacon1]

Posted: 7/20/05 at 3:28pm

Sure! If you need references for my work...just ask Patrick. Once he stops crying you should be able to understand him! :o)

[Broadwayboobs]

Posted: 7/20/05 at 3:29pm

If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous and clever, not scripted and (often) dull, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course. Enjoy !

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Campfire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and Laugh

[NYadgal]

Posted: 7/20/05 at 3:34pm

Boobs - where are you finding all these things today? LOL...

[Broadwayboobs]

Posted: 7/20/05 at 3:41pm

Addy as a good friend once sent me every chuckle in her mailbox...so are other friends doing the same.

[NYadgal]

Posted: 7/20/05 at 3:42pm

What fun friends you have!

[Broadwayboobs]

Posted: 7/20/05 at 3:43pm

Yes..I'm very lucky. MWAH

[Broadwayboobs]

Posted: 7/20/05 at 3:45pm

Two Pots

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots,

Each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck.

One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and

always delivered a full portion of water.

At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house,

the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the

woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water.

Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments.

But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection,

and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do.

After 2 years of what it perceived to be bitter

failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream.

I am ashamed of myself,

because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all

the way back to your house."

The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are

flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?

That's because I have always known about your flaw,

so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path,

and every day while we walk back, you water them.

For two years I have been able to pick these

beautiful flowers to decorate the table.

Without you being just the way you are, there would

not be this beauty to grace the house."

Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the

cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together

so very interesting and rewarding.

You've just got to take each person for what they are and

look for the good in them.

To all of my crackpot friends whom I love...have a great day

and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path.

[OnTheAisle]

Posted: 7/20/05 at 3:47pm

Aww, Boobs - that was terrific!


Beacs - are you sure Patrick hasn't arranged to implant some kind of tracking device on you so he can keep tabs 24/7?

[Broadwayboobs]

Posted: 7/20/05 at 3:55pm

Speaking of a crackpot friend..how are you Aisle?

[NYadgal]

Posted: 7/20/05 at 3:56pm

*gives Boobs a big hug*

and tags him at the same time! HA!

[OnTheAisle]

Posted: 7/20/05 at 3:57pm

Crazier than usual today, my friend... but all the meetings are done, so now I can actually start my work (psst... "work" is code, you understand!)

[OnTheAisle]

Posted: 7/20/05 at 4:01pm

I liked BitterBetty - at least the little I saw of her/him... what's up with that?

[beacon1]

Posted: 7/20/05 at 4:02pm

OTA:

Patrick planting a tracking device on me? That's a thought...
but would monitoring my activities give him insomnia?

[OnTheAisle]

Posted: 7/20/05 at 4:08pm

Beacs, doesn't he have PEOPLE to do that for him? Boy needs his sleep, after all...

[Bobby457]

Posted: 7/20/05 at 4:31pm

Undi- I have it on good authority that Betty is just fine and will be coming back real soon!

[BitterBetty]

Posted: 7/20/05 at 4:43pm

Hello younguns! I got word I was deleted....well, Im back like a bad cold!

How do ya like my new headshot? Updated On: 7/20/05 at 04:43 PM

[OnTheAisle]

Posted: 7/20/05 at 4:47pm

look at that! Undi, you conjoured up BitterBetty! You are some powerful sorcerer!

[BitterBetty]

Posted: 7/20/05 at 4:48pm

Nah...I think that varmit is gone...no more good grandma crap for this ole gal!

[BitterBetty]

Posted: 7/20/05 at 4:51pm

I have heard that about you Undi! I always knew you were a lil devil!

[OnTheAisle]

Posted: 7/20/05 at 4:51pm

and blueberry pie *HINT*

[DayDreamer]

Posted: 7/20/05 at 4:52pm

Hm... demons... we need to talk...

[Bobby457]

Posted: 7/20/05 at 4:52pm

well, looky there Undi...ask and ye shall receive! Betty poked her head up from beyond!

[Bobby457]

Posted: 7/20/05 at 4:58pm

With all the time you are saving in commuting Undi, you should be able to make all kinds of pies!

[Bobby457]

Posted: 7/20/05 at 5:08pm

That is wierd....sounds like a bomb threat

[OnTheAisle]

Posted: 7/20/05 at 5:35pm

A suspicious device found at the Palisades Mall in West Nyack this afternoon resulted in the evacuation of the giant shopping center.

Clarkstown Town Police received a call from mall security at about 3:15 p.m. reporting a suspicious package in the food court area of the mall.

Patrol units responded and deemed it necessary to evacuate the mall. The Rockland County, Bergen County and State Police bomb squads were called to the scene to evaluate the package.

Because of the incident, the Thruway Authority has closed down the southbound exit 12 on the superhighway until the situation is resolved.