Do you ever feel like . . .

Yes.

I'm gonna find my purpose...gotta find me!

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Well, since being unemployed and having no money to go do something, I have oodles of time to think about it.

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Yes.
The answer to that question is the reason I quit theatre

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I have been discussing this with my friends a lot the last couple of days...but then again we might just be typical college students, who all feel like that.

Yes.

Yes yes yes...
I have a frustrating, exhausting career than pays near nothing, is totally thankless and most time futile -- and I love it --
career wise I am quite content.

However, since April 2001 I have wept and worried and second-guessed pretty much everything in my personal life, I never sleep, only eat to survive, never go out, and have turned into a recluse. I live in a state of self-loathing over a divorce that maybe shouldn't have happened and then sat mutely by while ex-hubby panicked from fear of loniliness and moved with with the first girl he met (on a blind date I might add).

But then other days -- I know it was for the best, we were opposites in every way....but then I lie there thinking if that's true and I know it then how come I have not made one effort to date? Heck, or even do something simple like basic grooming...split ends, unruly eyebrows, unshaven legs.. have become the norm...I used to be a reasonably attractive woman...and now I just resemble some shell of my former self...


That's probably far more information than anyone really wanted to know about my dysfunctional personal life, sorry.

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DG--I would LOVE to move but right now I just can't. Financially, I wouldn't be able to survive and I keep wondering that if I actually DO move . . . will I really be happier? I would be in a strange place with no friends and there is no telling if my situation would get any better. **CRIES**

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I think my biggest problem is that I have no one to relate to in my "real" life. I mean, I relate to my wife but she doesn't like theatre much at all so I can't have discussions with her about it or her get excited when a show comes near me. Really, besides my wife . . . I have no friends. The friends I did have moved away and now I don't feel a connection with anyone else. Is it sad that I consider some of you closer than the people I see in my everyday life? Ugh, I just don't know.

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DJ - Ok then, then get off your butt and go get another job - you're sitting around and THINKING TOO MUCH! If nothing else, go work in the yard and expend some energy in the earth - trust me, it's a good thing.

And Rad, it takes 5 hours to get there, so our timing should be perfect! And it isn't important what you LOOK like, just that you're ready to let go and dance!

DG - I'm holding y'all to that.

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spiderdj82 -- get a job at Lowe's or Home Depot, Great Indoors someplace like that...
You'll learn a ton of useful stuff and get discounts on home improvement materials -- I am with DG, just get a job it will alleviate the eminent pressure of trying to find something more permanent.

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For what it's worth, a very good friend gave me very good advice about moving. I had ended a relationship, was unhappy at my job, yadda yadda, and I just wanted to leave the NW immediately. He said to be careful and not move to escape something, because that will follow you around, but move towards something, a new opportunity. Alas, I stayed, and even though moving is still in the back of my head, the sense of urgency is gone, I like my job again, and I'm in no hurry. I know that when I move, it'll be for the right reasons.

As for figuring out what it's all about... it's about YOU. Whatever you decide to make it about. Even the tough times can be times or great growth, though I don't believe those are the only times of growth.

And I am actually closer to my friends here than I am with people that live near me.

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"Stop worrying where you're going, move on. If you can know where you going, you've gone. Just keep moving on."

Not necessarily in the physical sense, as DG is suggesting (although it's always an option to do that). But keep moving on through life. Take steps forward to change the things you aren't happy with. Move one step at a time.

I was working as an executive assistant. My "pay the bills" job, for nearly seven years. I decided to take classes in Photoshop, Illustrator, QuarkExpress, HTML, etc., since I was working in a Communications Dept. I didn't know where it would lead, but I knew it was creative, and something that I wanted to learn. It was an opportunity that interested me, even though it had no goal attached.

A few years later, a friend of mine decided to try me out as a junior designer working on DVD menus. I was hired two weeks later full time. I took classes in After Effects animation, because it interested me. I studied video and audio production on-the-job, and was promoted to supervisor, then producer, then senior producer in charge of all interactive media. I now oversee a team of art directors, designers, editors, animators, programmers and production artists.

Did I know that was where I was headed? Hell no! When I took those classes, DVDs hadn't been INVENTED yet. (They just turned ten years old here in America last month, and I've been working on them for the past 7 1/2 years.)

Now that I have this "big career," am I totally happy? No. I'm looking for what's next too. That's human nature. So, I'm looking inside to find things that interest me, and I'm taking steps to learn more about them. I have no idea where that will lead me. I'm not looking for the Finish Line, I'm concentrating on the next step (only).

Try new things, learn as much as you can about the things that interest you. It will open doors that "haven't been invented yet."

Too often people get obsessed with seeing themselves fully arrived, not realizing that it's a slow process to get there. Concentrate on the process not the goal(s). And before you know it, you'll be somewhere in life you never imagined.

*steps off soap box*

I think our purpose in life is to "live." I know I'm way oversimplifying... but we're here to learn, absorb and process. "Why" I don't know yet. I'll leave the "why" to later... but... We have the ability to reason and interpret. And we have ability to share what we learn with others. We can do that through work, art, family and community. That is our purpose in life.

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