FRIDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
FRIDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
#0FRIDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
Posted: 1/14/05 at 5:05am
The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 A. M., and a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the darn cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I patted myself on the back for coming up with such a quick-witted solution--even when half crocked,--in order to escape a possible conflict with him. The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him "Midnight". He didn't seem ticked off at all. Whew! Got away with that one! Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock." I asked him "Why?" he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, 'Oh, sh*t,' cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted!
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
#1re: FRIDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
Posted: 1/14/05 at 6:58amLMAO!
Honey, I don't produce theater. I am theater.
#3We'll NEVER be that old, will we?
Posted: 1/14/05 at 8:50am
The Golden Years
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start
exercising. I decided to take an
aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted,
gyrated, jumped up and down, and
perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my
leotards on, the class was over.
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Reporters interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And
what do you think is the best
thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
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The nice thing about being senile is you can hide
your own Easter eggs.
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Just before the funeral services, the undertaker
came up to the very elderly
widow and asked, "How old was your husband?"
"98," she replied. "Two years older than me."
"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.
She responded, "Hardly worth going home is it?"
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I've sure gotten old. I've had 2 By-pass surgeries.
A hip replacement, new
knees. Fought prostate cancer, and diabetes. I'm
half blind, can't hear
anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40
different medications that make me
dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts
with dementia. Have poor
circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or
92. Have lost all my friends. But.....
Thank God, I still have my Florida driver's license!
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A 97 year old man goes into his doctor's office and
says, "! Doc, I want my sex drive lowered."
"Sir", replied the doctor, "You're 97. Don't you
think your sex drive is all in your head?"
"You're damned right it is!" replied the old man.
"That's why I want it lowered!"
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An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare
her will and make her final
requests. She told her rabbi she had two final
requests. First, she wanted to
be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes
scattered over Bloomingdales.
"Bloomingdales?" the rabbi exclaimed. "! Why
Bloomingdales?"
"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a
week.
"I don't really get the ending,all i can go with is when after several months,Judith saw Pat sang,and later she kissed him on the toilet,after that the story back to where Pat went down from the stage after he'd sung,and he went to the italian lady.I just don't get it,what Judith exatcly meant when he kissed Pat that she had seen,and did Pat end up together with The Italian Lady?Please help me,thank u very much!"
Quote from someone on IMDB in reference to a movie he/she didn't understand. Such grammar!
laactress
Broadway Legend Joined: 9/7/04
#4We'll NEVER be that old, will we?
Posted: 1/14/05 at 11:46amLMAO Boobs!
It started with a sipmle idea, collecting one paper clip for every life lost, the feelings that connect us...are greater than those that divide us!
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