For Those Who Feel The Need To Share All of Their Banal Details Part 3 — Page 56

I'm still at home. My mom, dad and brother are all fighting with each other. This always happens when I'm home.

I went shopping with my mom this morning, and then we ran some other errands. It was the most time we've spent together and the most time we've spoken without a fight in a long, long while. I got some stuff I needed, and an absolutely adorable sundress that I can't wait to wear, though I have no idea when I will. I was only mildly annoyed with my mom but once, very briefly, when while waiting at my doctor's appointment, she was so talkative that she didn't allow me to read my book. It was a rare occurrence, for us not to fight. And strangely, I told her a lot of random stories and things that I never expected myself to share with her. Mostly random things, but... well, just all unexpected, because I didn't think she'd care -- nothing serious or deep, but it was nice.

While we were in the car this afternoon (I drove today for the first time in months; I had missed it!), my mom brought up the strangest thing. We were just talking about people, in general; who was doing what lately, who was transferring from which school to which other school, etc. When I was a junior in high school, I lost my best friend of over 11 years to a really petty fight. It has forever scarred me in terms of how I deal with and hold onto close friendships, and it's forever made me deathly afraid of losing people I love to things that could be avoided; of course, some of the only friends I've ever lost in dramatic ways have been those dearest. Anyway, my mom asked if I ever felt like I wanted to call her. I said sometimes, yes. Granted, I have no idea what she's thinking, but I guess both of us, three years later, are just too stubborn to make the first move. Plus, I'm afraid of being shot down or looking stupid, in the context of what happened. The suggestion struck a cord as it always does, but also hit hard because I'm currently going through an ugly, heartbreaking loss of one of my closest friends. I didn't know what to say, but I didn't want to cry, so I just nodded, pulled down my sunglasses, turned up the music, and kept driving.

I've developed a conditioned response to my webmail, which causes me to feel sick with fear every time I check it.

I went to my brother's band concert tonight, at my old high school. It was good to see my music teachers, though knowing I have let them down so much lately always puts me to shame. I saw some people I graduated with, but I tried to avoid the social awkwardness I knew I'd encounter if we spoke. My mom bugged me, all "don't you want to see anyone?" but... I don't know, it's just not worth the awkward smalltalk anymore. I only kept close touch with a few people, and while I know the ties do get cut both ways, I didn't need an awkward situation. It's strange; as much as I hated high school, whenever I go back, I'm not sitting there scowling in disdain. I guess it's a reflection on what kinds of things I go back for, but I'm just overcome with this weird, sick, sad nostalgia. Rather than rolling my eyes at what I hated, when I'm there, I long back for what I miss, and the good I did leave behind. As much as I love where I am now, sometimes I wish I could have taken the few hugely important virtues of my high school experience along with me.

I think this was the longest banal post ever.

---

I'm sorting all my beads.

I don't know if this is banal or worthy of a mojito, but I'm less than 20 posts away from finally becoming a Broadway Legend. I was hoping for a more austere introduction to that status, but there's not much going on tonight. I feel like I'm just careening wildly from thread to thread issuing non-sequiters. Where are the really good discussions tonight???

---

DESMOND AVATAR!! EEH!

ahem.

I'm really, really, really REALLY bored.

Its hot over here too. I'm sitting in front of my fan, wanna join?

I'm bored.

I have a headache but it's not bad so I don't want to take anything but I know if I wait it will just get worse.

My teacher gives us so much 'busy' work. It's a 6 weeks course because it's the summer so it's a lot of work squished in what would normally be a 16 week course.
They are such banal and unnecessary questions.

---

I won't be able to sleep because I can't stop thinking about my friend...

---

I just saw United 93.

Amazing movie.

Just, wow.

I won't be able to sleep because there are too many thoughts running through my head.

---

Yup, I was right. Damnit, I was doing so well at not being up this late.

---

I was typing a post on here and my computer randomly shut down. It was really weird. It was working fine and it wasn't frozen or anything, it just...turned off.

---

My mom sent me my Art Garfunkel autograph in the mail!

---