Gay people...

Posted: 6/30/05 at 10:38am

Where do you meet people...in virginia beach the openness of sexuality is slim to none...its the commonwealth for god sakes..The only places really here are bars, clubs and chatrooms...all of which I stay away from because of the trash that is found in them...esp a certain website which should be renamed to screwmenow.com/evenifIammonogamouslycoupled

[bwaysinger]

Posted: 6/30/05 at 10:40am

Bustin, it's the EXACT same situation in NYC.
You meet men in bars/chats...and the end result is often the same.
Only there are still as many married and DL men here, too.
And don't forget the wackjobs who say they're looking for a relationship but don't really mean it.

Posted: 6/30/05 at 10:42am

Oh yes...i forgot the married "straight men" looking for an experience...oh yeah then why are u looking for the same experience every day...(same people everyday)

Um yeah u should just come out to your family and admit you are gay.

[nmartin]

Posted: 6/30/05 at 10:48am

If any of you find out where to meet responsible gay men, please forward the information to me.
Updated On: 6/30/05 at 10:48 AM

[bwaysinger]

Posted: 6/30/05 at 10:48am

NMartin, they're all over 75.

[nmartin]

Posted: 6/30/05 at 10:51am

I'm completely serious. I can only meet young guys who want someone to raise them. Hell, I don't have time for that.

[Elphaba]

Posted: 6/30/05 at 10:52am

you said

"The only places really here are bars, clubs and chatrooms...all of which I stay away from because of the trash that is found in them..."


Bitter, party of one, table for Bitter.

Perhaps the problem is with you? I met my lover online (I'll let him know you think he's trash), and we've been together 8 years.
Are you like recently gay? Bars are for sex....big Duh there.
It really irks me when people start whining that they can't meet anyone, and what they meet is trash, was, waa, waa.....HELLO? Assume responsibility for what you let into your life, rather than blaming a bar.......sheesh
Is your gaydar NOT working......???
I really hate this kind of whining!

Posted: 6/30/05 at 10:53am

I prefer older guys...i.e 30 is minimum age i am usually interested in...It could be an attraction but I really think a lot of it has to do with the maturity/responsibility level...its sad how many people my age (18-25) don't know how to be safe and sickens me more how much drugs run their lives...I personally have never done drugs, except of course alcohol...which i personally don't classify as a drug.

[bwaysinger]

Posted: 6/30/05 at 10:53am

but but but but Clinton!

(Just thought I'd throw that out there).

I have met plenty of riff-raff in bars, on the streets and online. But I also met a boyfriend I dated for over two years from that supposed online sex hook-up site masquerading as chat.

[redhotinnyc2]

Posted: 6/30/05 at 10:56am

Granted, it is very tough to get yourself to the proper place in life to be open to the right kind of relationship - but they do exist. I met my partner on line and we've been together for two years now and we're very happy. Before him, I could meet people anywhere- yes - gaydar has a lot to do with it, I suppose - just knowing enough to make eye contact with someone is a good start.

Posted: 6/30/05 at 10:57am

Elphie I really didn't mean all of them are trash...but the majority of them are...I have met maybe 2 decent guys...one of which I was completely taken in by and he said I had everything he was looking for in a guy...but I was too young...he is very uncomfortable for the age difference I guess. we remain great friends...and i have accepted that it will never be anything else

[Elphaba]

Posted: 6/30/05 at 11:01am

as you get older bust, you'll realize that generalizations about any group of people is not cool. I really have a problem with that, and I'll admit it.

you automatically close yourself off to many wonderful people by making generalizations..........

red flags are a wonderful thing......pay attention to them when they go off.

also......if he thinks you are too young, it's HIS loss.......you have lost nothing as he's the one with the problem.

After many, MANY years on this planet......I have found that love, relationship, whatever will find YOU when you least expect it.......and usually at the wrong time.......

Carpe Diem!

Updated On: 6/30/05 at 11:01 AM

Posted: 6/30/05 at 11:04am

I'm usually careful about that too, I'm sorry its just that in this particular area...nobody seems to be interested in anything but sex...What I really don't get is why a lot of people there are together looking for a third for fun...what is the purpose of being in a committed relationship if u are messing with other people...whether it be behind their back or with them?

Posted: 6/30/05 at 11:04am

Honestly, I don't think it's much different for anyone else - gay OR straight. The best advice is, don't put your energy into looking for a relationship, put your energy into living your life. If you spend your time doing things you love and find fulfillment in, then you are making yourself whole as a person. If you happen to meet someone on that journey who shares your passions and interests, then you can move forward together.

And by the way, I grew up in Virginia Beach - don't underestimate the buffet provided for you of military men and surfers

Posted: 6/30/05 at 11:07am

Don't get me started on the military men...(referring to va military)

[Elphaba]

Posted: 6/30/05 at 11:10am

excellent advice DG

and bust....there are many different types of relationships.......not just one kind. Just because two people have an open relationship does not mean they are not committed.......usually what it does mean is one or the other, or both are into something at times the other is not. It is no reflection on how they feel about each other. A relationship is not jail. Open relationships work for some.....not all

[Ann_Margrock]

Posted: 6/30/05 at 11:12am

This post should be engraved on a plaque in 24K gold:

"Honestly, I don't think it's much different for anyone else - gay OR straight. The best advice is, don't put your energy into looking for a relationship, put your energy into living your life. If you spend your time doing things you love and find fulfillment in, then you are making yourself whole as a person. If you happen to meet someone on that journey who shares your passions and interests, then you can move forward together. - - - DGrant

Posted: 6/30/05 at 11:13am

Good Idea...i think I am gonna get that engraved on a plaque for my living room DGRANT... :)

[WOSQ]

Posted: 6/30/05 at 11:34am

Join a gym.

A book group.

Take a cooking class.

Is there a local chorus? Not necessarily a gay one. A mixed chorus has a surprising number of gay people in it.

Go to the theatre. You've got Va Beach and Norfolk there plus other smaller cities. There have to be road houses as well as regional theatres. Community theatre attracts gay people. Work props on their next production and you'd be very surprised who you meet.

Its a beach town! Where there is a beach, there are gay people. That's almost writ in stone. Look for the "Speedo section" at the beach and I bet you're home free.

Go where gay men go on their own. If you're there, that's one, and if you're there because you want to be there, you know, there are bound to be others. Trust me.

There are plenty of gay men and women who don't like 'the scene' and are wandering in the wilderness saying the same things you are.

Talk to what I call the lavender collar people: hair cutters, florists, librarians, waiters, clothing sales people, etc, and for women, people who work in health food stores (I cannot tell you why, but that's where your local lesbian entrepeneurs are.) and ask them where they hang out. Ask them what there is to 'do' besides drink.

But the key thing is that in a smaller city, it takes a bit of work, but they are out there waiting for you. Go to it and stick to it.

And have fun. Always have fun.

Xx

[redhotinnyc2]

Posted: 6/30/05 at 11:40am

I say this jokingly - but check out the boys from the local performing arts school - when I worked down there a few years back - they were all queer as three dollar bills, but they raved about their "girlfriends" and all wore bracelets that had the initials WWJD on them - after a while I couldn't stand it and had to ask what it meant - and we all know now that WWJD equals What Would Jesus Do? ...oy vey.......
We used to joke about having them made up that said WWAGD...What Would Andy Gale Do? (he was our acting teacher at the time...lol...)

Posted: 6/30/05 at 11:51am

If I liked boys i might would check out a boys school but I like men :)

Posted: 6/30/05 at 11:55am

I'll give you a couple of tips:

1) All releationships fail. Either you break up or one of you dies. So do't get pissed when it ends. They all do, eventually. Cherish the good times while they last.

2) You want a relationship? Then don't sleep with them. Sex on a first date can easily turn it into a one night stand. If you want a one night satnd, go right ahead. But if you want a relationship, then have one: Lots of long conversations, picnics, bowling parties with friends. Make out for a long time in the car or on the door step, but no pants come off for a long long long time. If you can't sustain an interest in each other without sex for at least 6 weeks, there is no chance of a relationship. And six weeks is just a number- The longer you wait the better it will be. Personally, my rule is no sex until:
a) I've met your friends and/or your parents.
b) I've got your home and work numbers.
c) That means you've got a job.
d) I've been to your home and you to mine.
e) You get along with my Cat.

Good luck and happy hunting!

And oh yeah, rules are made to be broken! When I met my man, both of us were unemployed and the first date lasted three days. When it's right, you'll KNOW it.

[Elphaba]

Posted: 6/30/05 at 12:12pm

Joe.......you never seem to amaze me, this is priceless

1) All releationships fail. Either you break up or one of you dies. So do't get pissed when it ends. They all do, eventually. Cherish the good times while they last.

I MUST come find you at Tower when I am there, I must shake your hand!

[DayDreamer]

Posted: 6/30/05 at 12:25pm

Joe... you are my hero.

I don't know about the six weeks, but the only 'successful' relationship was with someone whom I'd known for about 6 months. Now, we have broken up, but I consider it successful because he is truly like a brother to me. We were together 11 years.

I have met a few nice people online. My best friend I met online, as well as a couple of other good acquaintances. Dating on-line puts so much pressure on that first 'date', but I met my last bf online.

Best way to meet people? Doing things you like to do. I met my ex at the dance studio I worked at. We'd been taking dance class together for a while and hanging out before he asked me out. Join a hiking club, a biking club. There are all sorts of groups out there.

[Ann_Margrock]

Posted: 6/30/05 at 12:29pm

"...You want a relationship? Then don't sleep with them. Sex on a first date can easily turn it into a one night stand. If you want a one night satnd, go right ahead. But if you want a relationship, then have one: Lots of long conversations, picnics, bowling parties with friends. Make out for a long time in the car or on the door step, but no pants come off for a long long long time. If you can't sustain an interest in each other without sex for at least 6 weeks, there is no chance of a relationship.

if only more guys thought this way. sadly this is not the case.
but i applaud you for that post. . .


Updated On: 6/30/05 at 12:29 PM