Hit by a Mack truck

That's how I feel right now - hit by a Mack truck.

My dad died last week and I was doing ok until tonight. With all the ceremonies over and relatives gone again I sit here reflecting on his life and all he did while realizing I have nothing, haven't accomplished ****, and have no clue as to my future. I've screwed up so much I'll never come close to the security and stability he established and maintained for our family.

I regret every arrogant, self-righteous decision made, every expectation ever held, every easy way out taken. He seemed to always know what the right thing to do was, didn't compromise his principles, and still managed to do well. I want to be able to do that, too, but sometimes it seems like society has changed so much it's not possible anymore.

It is a difficult time, the period of mourning and grieving for a parent who has passed. It is normal to want to focus on the negative things we have done (or the things we should have done). Yes, we all have done arrogant things and made self righteous decisions. We have all taken an easy out way now and then. We have, each and every one of us, have done things we (and our parents) can be proud of. If you think clearly you realize everyone generally does the best they can do with the resources and situations they are given.
Contemplate these things and realize it is all part of he grieving process. Try to be good to yourself as you pass through it. Cut yourself some slack!
Sorry for your loss!

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Updated On: 3/10/10 at 11:22 PM

I'm very sorry for your loss. Was it sudden or was he ill (if you don't mind me asking).

As someone said, it's natural to think of all the things you "COULD/SHOULD" have done. But, try to not focus on that. Think of the things you DID accomplish (Which, I'm sure there are MANY, even if they aren't easy to think about at this difficult time) and how successful you were and how successful he was. It's great to be inspired by him and it'll give you a push to work harder for it. He will know. Just think of how he would feel.
It's hard but don't dwell on the negative; he wouldn't want you to think "Oh, crap...I should have done this or that..." He'd want you to grieve but also celebrate his life. Give yourself time to think and reminisce...it's a natural, proper and acceptable occurrence. You could write memories you have had with your dad...try to write down positive things. It's be hard but it will be for the best. Think of how he left the world...proud of how you've grown up. When you succeed in whatever, just think "dad is sooo proud of me"

Last but not least, try to think "He is still with me, in my heart, and I can talk to him. I may not see him, but he's there; he now has a different address.

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Updated On: 3/10/10 at 11:38 PM