If Cats Performed "CATS"

[~FloweryFriend~]

Posted: 10/19/04 at 1:25pm

(I was cleaning my room and I found some old magazines clippings from several years ago. This list was in one of them, and I thought I'd share.)


If Cats Performed "CATS"

1. Audience members would enter the auditorium to find their seats had been clawed and covered with fur.

2. The antagonist in the show would be a giant vacuum cleaner.

3. Sometimes the cast would perform, but sometimes not - depending on their mood.

4. Performers would leap off the stage and run up the aisles at the sound of a can opener in the lobby.

5. When certain audience members try to read their playbills, a cast member would attempt to lay down on it.

6. In mid-performance, various cast members would curl up and go to sleep, even in the middle of a song.

7. For no apparent reason, cast members would randomly run to the lobby, and then back to stage at top speed. They would then continue with the performance as if nothing had even happened.

8. A special audience member would find a headless bird in his seat after intermission. (Yuck!)

9. Snack bar employees would constantly reprimand cast members for walking on the counter.

10. Open the stall door and guess who is drinking from the toilet?

11. Part of the performance would include the cast climbing and shreadding the theater curtains.

12. The stage would be covered with coughed-up hairballs.

13. Performers would discover the sand in the lobby ashtrays and...well, we don't really need to draw a picture for you, do we?

14. The show would need to have several intermissions to allow cast members to bathe themselves.

15. Most of the final act would consist of the cast just sitting and staring blankly at the audience.

16. The big finale would feature a giant ball of yarn, feathers on a pole and stray strands of dental floss.

17. Theatre patrons waiting outside the stage door after the show might be lucky enough to get their legs rubbed, and if they were really lucky, they would get to rub the actors' tummies.

18. Cast members would never cash their paychecks. Instead, they would claw them and roll in the shreds.

[judy_in_disguise]

Posted: 10/19/04 at 1:31pm

I definately thought you were talking about our favourite kitten, CatsNYrevival, from that title!

[CATSNYrevival]

Posted: 10/19/04 at 1:42pm

Is it my birthday all ready???

[~FloweryFriend~]

Posted: 10/19/04 at 1:45pm

Judy, I assume you recognized your error when there was no mention of business cards stuffed in the playbills or audience members getting lapdances.

[Gothampc]

Posted: 10/19/04 at 1:46pm

It's about time you cleaned your room. Thanks for sharing this, I found it funny.

[judy_in_disguise]

Posted: 10/19/04 at 1:49pm

yes Flowery, that is about when I discovered we weren't talking about our little kitty!

rrrrrrow!

[CATSNYrevival]

Posted: 10/19/04 at 1:54pm

What about the on-stage orgy lasting longer than usual?

[jrb_actor]

Posted: 10/19/04 at 2:07pm

lol--I thought the same thing reading the title of this thread. I thought, "well, it won't be a production for the kids!"

Our little kitten becomes a tom cat in 5 days!!

[SamIAm]

Posted: 10/19/04 at 2:17pm

'5. When certain audience members try to read their playbills, a cast member would attempt to lay down on it.'

Flowery: The one quoted above is my absolute favorite. I would add:

The cast members would rub up against the legs and jump up into the laps of ONLY those people in the audience who really didn't like them.

[jrb_actor]

Posted: 10/19/04 at 2:25pm

That last part sounds like our kitten, too.

[zoran912]

Posted: 10/19/04 at 6:00pm

YAY for Flowery's return!!!

This is hilarious. Thank goodness animal theatre stars are rare.

[DottieD'Luscia]

Posted: 10/19/04 at 7:43pm

You also forgot to mention if some audience members were talking during the performance one of the cast members would probably talk back to them.

Excellent article. It gave me a good chuckle.

[NoDayButToday2]

Posted: 10/19/04 at 7:48pm

#19. People like NoDay would be coughing and sneezing throughout the entire performance due to allergies

[StickToPriest]

Posted: 10/19/04 at 9:53pm

Yeah, i also thought you were talking about CATSNY, not literal cats.

[~FloweryFriend~]

Posted: 10/19/04 at 11:09pm

Hmmm...
Looks like I confused several people...


Oh well.
At least I wasn't the one that started a thread titled:
"JUDY IS DEAD!!!!"

[judy_in_disguise]

Posted: 10/19/04 at 11:22pm

*ahem* it was LIZA.
And that was heartless! I see that now!

[GovernorSlaton]

Posted: 10/19/04 at 11:25pm

Because, of course, Liza is alive, and Judy is not.
It wouldn't have been quite as shocking if it was JUDY IS DEAD.

[~FloweryFriend~]

Posted: 10/19/04 at 11:27pm

hehe
confused poster with post
forgive me

and judy, i love you
even if i suspect you're trying to throw liza into an early grave...

[judy_in_disguise]

Posted: 10/19/04 at 11:28pm

ah!
I stand wrongly accused!

I LOVE Liza- i named my CAR after her, so when Liza the car died, I almost cried!

Don't name things, you get insanely attached to them.

[~FloweryFriend~]

Posted: 10/19/04 at 11:40pm

I know.
I don't know what I'd do without Judy and Julky.


(laptop and cellphone, respectively)

[GovernorSlaton]

Posted: 10/19/04 at 11:57pm

You named your cellphone Julky?
That's cute. :)

[~FloweryFriend~]

Posted: 10/20/04 at 12:12am

Yes, I did.

JID and I made a decision a couple of months ago to name our cell phones in honor of the board.

Mine is "Julky"
Hers is "Hussy"

[judy_in_disguise]

Posted: 10/20/04 at 12:23am

ahhh! Summer memories flooding back!

those were the good old days....