I'll tell you how you know you're gay:
When you steal your sister's Barbie doll and re-make the entire wardrobe.
When you build a tree fort just like all the other boys in the neighborhood, only yours is color coordinated and has a breakfast nook.
When you spend more time getting ready for school than your sister does.
When you buy People magazine when they post their list of eligible bachelors and circle all your choices.
When you are constantly redecorating your room and changing its color scheme.
When you sleep with your GI Joe beside you.
When you pack pate de fois gras in your lunchbox instead of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
When you stay after school for extra help because Mr. Merrell, your new science teacher is a hottie.
When you collect bubblegum cards because you like to look at the players on them and have no idea what the stats are.
When you go to a baseball game and sit behind home plate because you realize Mike Piazza's buns will be staring you in the face when he crouches in position.
When you can sing the entire score from CANDIDE.
When you have no idea what "measure twice and cut once" means.
When you prefer Patti LuPone to Pamela Anderson.
When you think duct tape is really for ducts.
When you have more shoes in your closet than underpants.
....that's how you'll know you're gay!
"Long live God!" (GODSPELL)