Love Dillemma...Any help??

[bernadette88]

Posted: 12/21/05 at 6:15pm

First off, I feel extremely stupid posting this, but what the hell, here it goes.

I am 17 years old and live in the bible belt of the south (that will have some relevance later on) I am an openly gay student at my High School. The ONLY openly gay student that is, out of 800 kids. But anyways, there is this senior, who is the most gorgeous man I have ever laid eyes on. He is on the basketball and football team, but absolutely sucks at both sports. All of his friends would tell you the only reason he decided to play is to *try* and show off his masculinity. He is extremely metro-sexual, and definitely has gay tendencies. Most of his friends think he is gay, but he is still in denial about it.

Sometimes I wish I could just go up and talk to him, but I know it would weird him out, cause he knows I like him (don't ask how he knows, cause I have no idea) I just wish I could help him, ya know? He is the nicest kid ever, but tries to act really conservative and pretends to be a gay hater.

Sometimes I think I should just forget about all of it, and stop making myself think he is gay, but it is so weird the connection that we have together. For instance, I could take any route through our school to get to my classes, and somehow we always manage to run into each other. Another huge example is, last June i had a dream that he was chosen as the Knight of Cave Spring High School (the Knight is the single highest honor any student can recieve at Cave Spring) Before the Knighting ceremony I san the National Anthem like always....well.....on the first day of school, it turns out that he was indeed awarded the honor of The Knight. This is something that is kept a secret. No one knows who is nominated or who has been choses except for the principal. This certain instance was just way to ironic.

I could just be reading too far into things here, but for some reason I don't think I am.

Do any of you think I should persue this? Should I try and talk to him? Maybe just start off by seeing him in the hallway and saying "hi" or should I just leave it alone...

Please help if you can, it is greatly appreciated!

[Calvin]

Posted: 12/21/05 at 6:31pm

If he's struggling with his own identity, I think it's better that you keep a distance from it. Especially since, as you say, he likes to act like a "gay hater" -- if he feels threatened, and you go to a really conservative school, that could put you in a dangerous position. Been there.

He knows that you like him, you say. So he obviously knows who you are. Befriend him, sure, but I wouldn't push too much.

In the meantime, you're 17. You'll be in college soon. There'll be a lot more options then.

[bernadette88]

Posted: 12/21/05 at 6:34pm

I knew someone would say something about college. I am 17 but I am a Junior still, which means I have another year and a half to go. Argh... Its just frustrating when you feel you will never find anyone to love.

I do agree with you, but it is even hard to befriend him, cause he seems to be uncomfortable around me. He will see me in the hallway and make firm eye contact with me, but then tries to get out my way. I make him nervous becuase I am what he is, and he still hasn't been able to grasp that...

[WonderBoy]

Posted: 12/21/05 at 6:39pm

I'd approach him with friendship and nothing else. If something else happens then fab but if not you at least have a great friend.

[Calvin]

Posted: 12/21/05 at 6:40pm

I didn't ask if you were out to anyone at school or your family. That's also a factor. If you're not out to a lot of people, you potentially have a lot to lose in this.

[munkustrap178]

Posted: 12/21/05 at 6:40pm

Oh, my friend, I was in your exact situation four years ago - except I wasn't the only openly gay student, and it wasn't a Catholic school.

I still remember how much I wanted this person that, quite honestly, I could never have. Many sleepless nights, many tears, many lost friendships. It was a terrible time in my life and I'm so glad that I was able to - 2 years later - get over it and realize that I'm better than him anyway.

I'm not saying your boy is an asshole like mine was, but when you want something that badly, you can kind of convince yourself of things that aren't true. He would call me every day and every night and always want to hang out. Then as soon as he found out that I wanted him, he called me more and more because he knew it would drive me nuts that i couldn't have him. It was horrible.

So, while that is different from your situation, I caution you. Don't let yourself get too wrapped up in him, because when you start putting that much thought and need into one person, other things that are important to YOU start to get sacrificed. Just be careful.

[bernadette88]

Posted: 12/21/05 at 6:42pm

I'm out to everyone basically. Those who want and need to know, know. So he knows I am gay, and that I like him...

[WonderBoy]

Posted: 12/21/05 at 6:42pm

Amen munk!!!

[Calvin]

Posted: 12/21/05 at 6:51pm

OK. In that case, I take back what I said about putting yourself in a dangerous position. Just befriend him. And munk is right -- don't let it take over your life too much.

I guess this is the point where I tell my story. I was totally infatuated with one of my best friends' boyfriends when I was in high school. And like you, I was getting the vibes from him. His parents wouldn't let him date my friend because she was black. So I kinda became his Eponine, and helped him out (let him borrow my cell phone so he could call her without them knowing, etc.). I ended up becoming way more involved than I should have, and it cost me a lot of friendships and caused a lot of misery to myself. When I got to college, I never really thought of him much again.

[bernadette88]

Posted: 12/21/05 at 7:10pm

Its so hard when you finally come to accept who you are, and to let other around you know, but then you still feel you can't find happiness. I know I am only 17 and I shouldn't be worried about my soul mate, but it really does seem as if I will be stuck in these waters forever, with no way to get out!

I do however, thank all of you for your kind words, and gentle thoughts!

You guys truly are the best!