Jackie: I can't call people, Roseanne!
Roseanne: Jackie... dial!
Jackie: I'm supposed to be in mourning.
Roseanne: Well then wear a veil over your face while you do it!
Jackie: [dials the phone] Hello, Auntie Barbara? It's Jackie... Jack-key! Yes. I'm fine... Fine!... I'm fine!... I got some bad news... Dad isn't with us anymore. I said Dad has passed away... He's passed away!... Dad is gone... Dad's dead!... He's dead!... No... DEAD!... DEAD! DEAD!... No, he's fine, he sends his love!
[hangs up]
Jackie: I am not doing that again, you can't make me!
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Perfume counter saleswoman: Do you know what the fastest way to a man's heart is?
Roseanne: Yeah... through his chest.
--------------
Fred: All right, how many people did you date before you met me?
Jackie: Well, do you mean dated at all or dated seriously?
Fred: I mean seriously.
Jackie: Oh, I'd say only a few.
Fred: Good... not that I mind if you've slept with lots of guys...
Jackie: Oh, well slept with!
[chuckles]
Jackie: That's not what you asked me.
Fred: Well I guess not.
Jackie: Fred, it's not that many. I'd say three a year.
Fred: Since you were what? Eighteen?
Jackie: [thinks] Okay, we'll go with that.
[Fred looks discouraged]
Jackie: Come on Fred, it's not THAT many! Let's see, three a year for 20 years is... 60... wow.
Fred: Wow... I don't even KNOW 60 people...
Jackie: Well... I didn't KNOW all of them.
"A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men" - Willy Wonka
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