Stupidest Line You've Ever Had to Say...

[Cruel_Sandwich]

Posted: 8/1/05 at 1:11pm

What's the stupidest line you've ever had to say onstage?

Mine's easy:

"YOU I shall call....BUMBLENUTS! (To make this even worse, it's said in a German accent. Man...)"
Updated On: 8/1/05 at 01:11 PM

[Forester]

Posted: 8/1/05 at 1:18pm

During my stoner days:

Dood, that mailbox is looking at me weird. I need to teach the dude a lesson.(They actually have this on videotape)

[CurtainUp]

Posted: 8/1/05 at 1:27pm

Cruel_Sandwich, you must have been in Musical Comedy Murders of 1940! I did it last year as Marjorie, the show's simply divoon isn't it? (the only problem is we were cast 2 out of a double cast, so there was some tension). But it really is a fun show to do with so many great roles!

As far as stupidest lines, once I played a stupid character so the lines were supposed to be dumb. i can't htink of any realy dumb ones off the top of my head.

[Cruel_Sandwich]

Posted: 8/1/05 at 1:28pm

Haha holy crap. I thought that play was BEYOND obscure. Wow.

[beacon1]

Posted: 8/1/05 at 1:32pm

"Well, a good neighbor is a good neighbor and what is a good neighbor without tea and crumpets!"

--High School Play written by a faculty member. And this line had to said while sitting in a chair and balancing a tea set and a plate of "crumpets" (actually flattened waffles).

[Over_the_Moon]

Posted: 8/1/05 at 3:15pm

"Well what do you know! I thought arsenic was a Frenchman!"

[jam_man]

Posted: 8/1/05 at 3:18pm

"I think the audience is getting bored. We should swordfight."


Don't worry, that was a student-written play - that crap isn't published.

[Broadwayboobs]

Posted: 8/1/05 at 3:19pm

"Holy Cabooses!!!"

[WOSQ]

Posted: 8/1/05 at 3:19pm

"Don't die, Emile."

[jam_man]

Posted: 8/1/05 at 3:20pm

Another from the same play:

"It's a ... stand-in beard." (Especially when I already had a beard myself!)

[Broadwayboobs]

Posted: 8/1/05 at 3:23pm

sounds like WOSQ played Nellie in South Pacific.

[Cruel_Sandwich]

Posted: 8/1/05 at 3:38pm

When I was about 13 or 14, i wrote a sex scene in which the woman kept saying "DANGER DANGER! ALL NIGHT LONG! DANGER DANGER! WEAR A THONG" over and over. Hopefully, I've improved...

[DefyGravity23]

Posted: 8/1/05 at 3:41pm

It's not as stupid as some...but it's the stupidest I've ever had. In response to "We need a big finish, with a capital F!"

"But big doesn't start with an F. That would be...fig."

The ultimate dumb blonde moment. The whole one act that it's from is pretty lacking in intelligence though.

[WOSQ]

Posted: 8/1/05 at 3:43pm

In the send up of South Pacific which was termed South Passaic.

You do the damnedest things when you're bored in summer stock.

Seriously, try doing that line with a straight face. Most Nellies face upstage.

"Don't die, Emile." Indeed.

[WindyCityActor]

Posted: 8/1/05 at 4:57pm

"Oh my darling...You could have had me, but you shall never have England."

From the Passion of Dracula.

Just after I've plunged a wood stake in my lover's heart.

[MyNameInLights]

Posted: 8/1/05 at 5:14pm

Cruel_Sandwich and CurtainUp, is it weird that I did MCM at my school too? And that I recognized the line right off the bat?

Updated On: 8/1/05 at 05:14 PM

[ForTheLoveOfLea]

Posted: 8/1/05 at 5:40pm

I never had a stupid line, per se but my friend's one and only line in this production of Treasure Island was "Where's my fish?" I laughed at her for that one for a long time.

[EverythingIsRENT]

Posted: 8/1/05 at 5:53pm

"I always feared the Taj Mahal would look like a biscuit box...Did it?" Haha maybe not stupid exactly, but very weird!

[WonderBoy]

Posted: 8/1/05 at 5:59pm

There is no such thing as stupid dialogue only stupid actors.



Just kidding!!!

[Mythus]

Posted: 8/1/05 at 9:08pm

I was in a student-written, 15-minute, German production of Beauty and the Beast. I played Beauty.

Beast: (after really, really cheesy transformation) Beauty, it is me!
Me: It is you!

No kidding.

[lamentingenvelope]

Posted: 8/1/05 at 9:12pm

"You won't leave me though, will you? Will you?"

I never figured out a way to say this and not sound overly cheesey.

[One Song Glory]

Posted: 8/1/05 at 11:06pm

'You go girl.'

It's for my theatre camp play my group wrote and I have to say that line. i don't like it.

[TheEnchantedHunter]

Posted: 8/1/05 at 11:16pm

Seriously, try doing that line with a straight face. Most Nellies face upstage."

That only reflects badly on the actresses, not the line.

TheEnchantedHunter
Ted Hunter, Cane, NH
Updated On: 8/1/05 at 11:16 PM

[musicaldude57]

Posted: 8/1/05 at 11:20pm

I was in a production of Dear Edwina (if any of you have ever heard of it, it would be a miracle) and there was this serious part where Edwina's dreams were crushed, and I'm standing there with a box of brownies, and I'm like..."Brownie?"
I felt like such a dipstick offering her a brownie when she just got rejected!
Click here for Dear Edwina Info

[jam_man]

Posted: 8/1/05 at 11:50pm

I have kind of heard of Dear Edwina, but that's only because I occasionally spend time at MTI.com looking at some of the shows they carry. Yes, my have-a-life-o-meter reading is well below 0.