TELLING YOUR PARENTS YOUR.....

[bernadette88]

Posted: 1/14/05 at 6:57pm

Gay!! Okay guys...Im 16! I have known it for a while. It doesn't bother me at all. Why should it. And why should it bother anyone else. It is how I am made. But telling my parents:

Oh BOY!
Is it even worth telling them. I actually think they kinda know already. They are not dumb people! They no more very well. Even though my mom asks me about girls I just play along with her, but I really think she knows. Both of my parents are very accepting of people and don't judge. But THEY are catholic, and my dad is kinda conservative(or he thinks he is...hehe) But then i think why do they have to know. It's not like they need to now. Especially now. I mean i am young. And i think I am ready but i think this dumb as community isn't. So i know it wouldn't be a good move for me just with all the other harassment issues i have put up with kids at school. They don't need another reason to make fun of me. I graduate next year (i am graduating early) I can't wait cause i feel that then is when my REAL life is gonna start. I hate that i have waited this past years, but i think it was the best thing. Todays society just can't accept it. But for someone reason i have this urge to tell someone. I don't know why. I am really bad with secrets. I always ruin them, but this is when i can't ruin. But i still can't figure out why i wan't to let it out to somebody.

It's hard to control my "urges" if you will. REALLY HARD actually. But sadly im not sure if there is ANYTHING i can do about that now until college. Basically...does ANYONE HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS. PLEASE ANYTHING WILL HELP! Thanks guys! I LOVE YOU ALL

Love,
ME

[BWayBoy88]

Posted: 1/14/05 at 7:09pm

Um...I don't really have any advice for you. All I can say is that I too am 16 and going through the same thing. I know how hard it is. If you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me.

[Unknown User]

Posted: 1/14/05 at 7:16pm

OOh..the good ol' days of high school and being gay. It goes by fast, really, it does. I'm really big on big entrances, so I came out with a bang (it was a little bit scandelous).

Whatever you do, make sure you stay true to yourself. You are who you are. Don't let anyone change you. Updated On: 1/14/05 at 07:16 PM

[bernadette88]

Posted: 1/14/05 at 7:27pm

its so hard though...in school i always feel like that I am coming across as someone I am not. I hate that. I really hate it. I can't wait to get the f#$& out of high school

[EvelynNesbit1906]

Posted: 1/14/05 at 7:34pm

Oh, it's slow when you're actually going through it. I had a completely unsupportive family and endured extreme hostility at school, but I still managed to come out at age 13, around the time that people were just beginning to talk about the possibility of openly gay characters on TV.

Don't worry, boys. High school's almost over and the independence that usually follows will favor your identities.

[bernadette88]

Posted: 1/14/05 at 7:35pm

but its still getting there that kills me. Sometimes I feel so unwanted by society and by my peers. But maybe I am. GOSH THIS SUCKS! You guys are actually the first people I have EVER talked to about this!

[TheatreDiva612]

Posted: 1/14/05 at 7:36pm

Hey, im 16 too, i'm not gay, but if you ever wanna talk about anything, you can always PM me and i can give you my AIM screen name or something.

[EvelynNesbit1906]

Posted: 1/14/05 at 7:39pm

bernadette, I agree that it sucks when it's happening, but your experience is actually one shared by mostly every gay and lesbian person that I've ever known. Eventually you will find a community of people that embrace you - especially if you're smart and move somewhere more accepting - and some of your antagonizers now may prove to be friends in the long run. At least that was my experience. :)

Feel free to PM me.

[harris007]

Posted: 1/14/05 at 7:57pm

Bud i know right now it sucks for ya. but the question is, do you wnat to come out, or do you feel presured to come out?

[bernadette88]

Posted: 1/14/05 at 9:05pm

i want to come out real bad. really bad...i don't feel pressure at all!!!!! i am just not sure if it is the best decision right now...it is hard to find that answer ya know??

[EvelynNesbit1906]

Posted: 1/14/05 at 9:16pm

You should tell the people you trust the most first and then after that, coming out will feel more natural. If someone's going to treat you with cruelty and disrespect over it, then s/he doesn't deserve your confidence about sexual orientation or anything else.

[Nina Myers]

Posted: 1/14/05 at 9:21pm

Bern,
the teenage years are when people feel most vulnerable. I think all high school kids at some time in their four years must face some huge problem. It is facing these problems and getting through them that makes us stronger. The first time we go through hard times, it feels like we will never escape. But trust me, whatever the experience or problem, once you reach a decision, the effect of the decision will fade away a little more every day. You will emerge stronger and more ready to face the world and future beyond. If you need to talk to anyone, I, as well, am available for PMing. :)

[Adoannie925]

Posted: 1/14/05 at 9:23pm

Maybe you should wait for something really good to happen, when they're in a good mood and say "Hey...Mom, I've been wanting to tell you, but I'm gay." Or, take her out to lunch or something and tell her.

I sort of know what it's like. I'm a bit older than you, but I still live at home and I'm a lesbian. I don't think my parents have any idea, other than why do I not advertise if I'm dating men or not? They probably just think I'm sick of high school seniors. I don't plan to come out anytime soon, however, secrets can be difficult, and I don't know how understanding they'd be.

[laactress]

Posted: 1/14/05 at 9:38pm

Where do you live?

Being that I am from LA, the people out here seem to be more accepting so I can't understand how people can be so mean to someone just because they are gay. My niece who is imcuteloveme goes to a music academy high school in LA, the same one I graduated from and they welcome gay people with open arms. I feel for you and what you have to go through. I am really sorry. I hope that whatever decision you make it makes YOU happy, cause that is what matters.

Best of luck to you, please feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk.

[jacobtsf]

Posted: 1/14/05 at 10:22pm

It is great that you are so accepting of yourself, many in your position aren't, and that in itself is a very big deal.

[LoudIrishGirl]

Posted: 1/14/05 at 10:25pm

I think you should choose a few solid people (as in close to you, understanding, open-minded, whatever...just who you feel comfortable with enough to tell) and tell them. See how they react and how you react to their reactions. Maybe after a few people know you will feel better and not need to let the wider (and possibly hostile?) community know.

If you can be the 'true' you with those people, maybe some of the stress / pressure / uncomfortability from lying and keeping it a secret will go away.

[sipos]

Posted: 1/14/05 at 10:42pm

LOUDIRISHGIRL -Right On, sister friend!

I say the WTG. I waited (w/my parents) until I was out of school and living with a lover. Wasn't a big surprise by then, but the moment was intense and incredibly rough. Now I'm back at home in school once again earning other degrees and we don't really mention it. My father will never admit to believing it.
But they just bought me some computer printing paper just because I called them and felt lazy, so ............

It's hard sometimes, but I also don't feel my orientation is an issue that needs to be addressed. If yours is and does, then tell it on the mountain. Shout it. Free yourself if you need to, but do it if it's an issue. If it will let yourself be unpained. For me, coming out was a good thing, and an irrelevent thing at the same time. Someone could not like you because you wear a certain shirt. Don't ever care that being gay is any different a difference than that. Even in f$%#@&* high school.

:@) Updated On: 1/14/05 at 10:42 PM

[OneBlazeOfGlory]

Posted: 1/15/05 at 10:59am

First of all, let me say how glad I am someone started this thread, because I couldn't bring myself to.

I'm in a similar situation. I'm 17, and a week or two ago realized that I'm bi. I know I should probably tell my parents eventually, but I don't think I'll have such luck with them. I live in Texas, my dad is a priest, and my school consists of straight white conservative Christian republicans. Also, to complicate things my brother came out almost 9 years ago, he was practically forced out of the house. Since then my parents have always pushed girls and sports and have been deathly afraid of me performing and being interested in broadway, because I was supposed to be the 'normal one'.

I get what you mean, bernadette, about randomly feeling like telling someone... except I really can't. I don't know what they will do but it won't be pretty. I plan on waiting until I'm out of school but I don't know if they will notice or if I can keep it to myself for another year. Plus (this is a whole other story) my brother (whome I've told already) keeps threatening to tell my parents for me.



Anyways. I guess if anyone has something to say that would be great, I need all the help I can get. I'll probably end up PMing those who offered as well.

Updated On: 1/15/05 at 10:59 AM

[BWayBoy88]

Posted: 1/15/05 at 11:12am

OneBlaze-I would be more than happy to talk to you. That goes with anyone else who is reading this who is going through the same kind of thing. I am well aware of how hard it is(I am going through the exact same thing) and I know how much it means to be able to talk to someone who is understanding. So feel free to PM me

[EvelynNesbit1906]

Posted: 1/15/05 at 11:24am

I recently read in an interview in The Advocate that leaving your father after coming out is so common that it's virtually a part of the "gay experience." I did this to mine. Over the last three years, he's only been able to get me on the phone once every six months (if even that) and when he wants my address, I just lie about it. Oh well, it's not like he didn't gossip about it himself to other people. So if he wants a relationship, he will have to actually be accepting rather than talking about disowning "any son" who is that way. He'd probably like to slap me around given the opportunity but is he going to get that opportunity? No. :)

The trick, folks, is to make them feel that they have less control over your sexuality than you do - which is actually the way it is...

[Addicted2Seaweed]

Posted: 1/15/05 at 11:31am

If I were you I'd tell whichever parent you feel will support you more/better. Tell them privately and then ask for help with the other parent. Then ask them both what to do if you trust them. If you still want to tell someone else tell a really close friend who you really trust and know isn't hostile towards gays. And I'm always available for talking to! PM me if you need me!

[EvelynNesbit1906]

Posted: 1/15/05 at 11:43am

"If I were you I'd tell whichever parent you feel will support you more/better. Tell them privately and then ask for help with the other parent. Then ask them both what to do if you trust them."

Thanks for wanting to help, but I have to criticize this particular piece of advice - when I told my mother at age 13, her first reaction was to consider telling my father, who is pro-electroshock therapy and all that jazz. Bernadette doesn't have to start with his parents.

[Addicted2Seaweed]

Posted: 1/15/05 at 11:55am

Woah electroshock therapy!? Man don't tell you parents if they're going to electrocute you! But from what he said about his parents it sounded like they wouldn't be that drastically crazy. (No offense to you dad)

[EvelynNesbit1906]

Posted: 1/15/05 at 12:05pm

LOL, no, it's okay - I knock my father and I encourage you to do the same. Homophobia is such a pervasive evil that a combative tactic worth considering really is making the homophobes feel guilty. Updated On: 1/15/05 at 12:05 PM

[BWayBoy88]

Posted: 1/15/05 at 12:14pm

I too agree that you should probably tell a really good friend who you know will be understanding before you tell your parents.