TELLING YOUR PARENTS YOUR.....- Page 2

[Feodor Sverdlov]

Posted: 1/15/05 at 1:21pm

As a father of three sons (two who are grown and out of the house), and one who is in high school, I would like to offer some "fatherly" advice from my years of living, and years of knowing people who have come out to family and friends (I made a living doing theater for close to 30 years of my life, so I know a lot of gay people). First, your are still quite young, so be absolutely sure that you are gay. If you are absolutely sure, be sure that you accept it and understand it, fully, before coming-out to your parents (you can hardly expect them to be accepting of something that you, yourself, do not fully understand or accept). You may be in a reverse position with them, where you are the "parent" and they are the "child", helping them come to terms with things. Remember that while this is about you, it isn't ALL about you. It's also about your parents (and anyone else you are confiding in). Be aware of how they are feeling, especially your parents, who may have had other hopes and dreams for you (and themselves), that they may feel have been dashed by your announcement. YOU MUST BE PATIENT!!!! Acceptance and understanding of this sort of thing takes time; and, while it may seem like an enternity to you, it isn't, and their acceptance of you lasts a lifetime and makes your life so much easier. You've had time to come to terms with yourself (make sure you have), so you must undertand that it will take your parents some time, as well. If they want you to go into therapy, don't react negatively to that. I have known more than one person who this has helped. Not with "curing" your homosexuality, but the therapist can actually help your parents understand and accept you for who you are. Also, it is imperative that you have support, prior to telling your parents. Make sure that someone you trust already knows and is there for you. This is just the tip of the iceberg. I hope you are sure about all of this before taking this step (as I said, you are still quite young, and you need to be sure and secure with this, yourself, before you expect your parents to be.) I hope this helps.

Updated On: 1/15/05 at 01:21 PM

[bernadette88]

Posted: 1/15/05 at 5:38pm

I would like to say THANK YOU to everyone who is being so supportive. I have never addressed this to anyone before, but doing so with you guys sort of lifted a HUGE burden of my shoulders. I means so much to me that you guys care about not just me but all the other people struggling in the difficult situation. I thank you ALL for the words of encouragement and advice you have given me and many others it means so much to us! Love you guys!!!

[paradox_error]

Posted: 1/15/05 at 5:51pm

Hey mate.

I just went through this myself, and at age 17 I finally realised what I had been hiding from myself and everyone...

I came out to the first person by accident. She was a friend, but she was hardly a best friend that I trusted. It turned out she was a great one, seeing as she was bi and her father was a pastor, so she knew how hard it could be. After a long conversation with her, I felt much better. From that time on I told one person after another, carefully picking who I told. It eventually leaked, and now all my friends know. But the thing is, I have yet to have felt unsupported by my friends. In fact, they don't care at all...it's just not a big deal.

That first experience was less than a year ago, and I haven't told anyone in my family yet.

It's all an uphill battle....

But you feel a little better, a little more confidant with each step you take.

You're welcome to PM me, or join in on "Idina Menzel Fan's" which my hag and I threadjacked at about post 50 and turned it into the "Bernadette Peters for President" thread, or the "Lael vs FF" thread, which is a thread where straight women fight for gay boyfriends...