Thanks everyone...

[Craig]

Posted: 4/13/06 at 3:59pm

Thanks, everyone.

As we move rapidly into this year, my heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me "forwards" over the last 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.

Extra thanks for the ones that I have to open 15 times to get to the message (due to going past numerous Email addresses of people I don't know!!!)

Special thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on envelopes 'cause I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to seal an envelope!

Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains!

I no longer drink Pepsi, or Dr Pepper, since the people who make these products are atheists who won't put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day!

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from, nor send packages by, UPS or FedEx, since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer answer the phone, because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer eat KFC, because their "chickens" are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus, since I now have their recipe.

I no longer worry about my soul, because at last count I have 363,214 angels looking out for me!

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I no longer have any savings, because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).

I no longer have any money at all - but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special email program.

Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will now return the favor!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM (EDT) this afternoon. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of mine's next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician!!!

[nomdeplume]

Posted: 4/13/06 at 4:05pm

gee, I would have put that in

The Thread For Those Who Feel The Need To Share All of Their Banal Details

but hey

i think life is exciting

[DAME]

Posted: 4/13/06 at 4:07pm

LOL. Do you mind if I use that on my friends?

[cheezedoodle]

Posted: 4/13/06 at 4:08pm

144,000 people? Is there a way to spam My Space? lol.

[caitiesus1522]

Posted: 4/13/06 at 4:08pm

hehe that made me laugh....again

It is the one forward that is actually worth it!

[Calvin]

Posted: 4/13/06 at 4:15pm

Will Ronald McDonald appear on my screen doing the Macarena if I forward it to that many people?

[SweetQintheLights]

Posted: 4/13/06 at 4:21pm

Calvin, Ronald McDonald appearing on your screen doing to Macarena is nothing compared to the $1,000,000,000,000 that you will find when you walk out of your door.

Updated On: 4/13/06 at 04:21 PM

[Rose_MacShane]

Posted: 4/13/06 at 4:23pm

Ha! Nice. Gotta love urban legends!

[Dollypop]

Posted: 4/13/06 at 5:24pm

Did yoou get the e-mail I forwarded to you about the Loretta Swit Look-Alike Contest? Sounds like fun!

[mominator]

Posted: 4/13/06 at 5:28pm

Thank you to Craig for givimg us all a great giggle this afternoon!