The 8 meanest jokes from Charlie Sheen's roast

[tazber]

The 8 meanest jokes from Charlie Sheen's roast#1

Posted: 9/11/11 at 1:21pm

As picked by EW. Personally I think there are even more brutal shots in the link, which has many more high(or low)lights.

1. “You’re just like Bruce Willis — you were big in the 80s and now your old slot is being filled by Ashton Kutcher.” — Amy Schumer

2. “If you’re winning, this must not be a child custody hearing. The only time your kids get to see you is in reruns — don’t you want to live to see their first 12 steps?” — Jeff Ross

3. “Brooke Mueller is not very bright unless Charlie throws a lamp at her. … Mike Tyson, your opponents spent more time bleeding in the corner than Charlie’s ex wives.” — Jeff Ross

4. “The only reason you got on TV in the first place is because God hates Michael J. Fox”– Anthony Jeselnik“

5. “Charlie still hasn’t hit rock bottom, he’s looking forward to it though because he thinks there’s a rock there.” — Steve-O

6. “You dropped out of school faster than Casey Anthony’s kid.” — Anthony Jeselnik

7. “It’s amazing, after abusing your lungs, liver and kidneys, the only thing you’ve had removed is your kids.” — Kate Walsh

8. “Charlie, you claim to have ‘tiger blood,’ but after all the porn stars you’ve [had sex with,] it’s probably Tiger Woods’ blood.” — Seth MacFarlane

My personal fave:

"Charlie’s nostrils are so snotty and full of coke he calls them ‘the Hilton sisters.’" - Jeff Ross

Many more jokes from the evening are here

....but the world goes 'round

[Bettyboy72]

The 8 meanest jokes from Charlie Sheen's roast #2

Posted: 9/11/11 at 2:43pm

Those are great and so are the ones in the article. Too bad Lisa Lamps wasn't there. She's usually a blast at the roasts.

"The sexual energy between the mother and son really concerns me!"-random woman behind me at Next to Normal "I want to meet him after and bang him!"-random woman who exposed her breasts at Rock of Ages, referring to James Carpinello