To my gay brothers and sisters

Posted: 9/3/04 at 12:56am

No matter what happens in the next brief period of time, it is apparent that we are not going to be taken care of right away - and in the case of one of the options, we are literally going to be disenfranchised from the benefits of the society at large. Owing to that fact, I urge, plead and beg with you to do what is necessary to take care of yourselves.

Do whatever research is necessary for you to fully know and comprehend the benefits that might be available to you, no matter how many hoops you have to jump through to get them. I strongly recommend the financial advice of Andrew Tobias. Some of you may know him as the author of The Best Little Boy in the World. He also happens to be one of the foremost experts on financial management in the country. I also know from experience that he gets his own advice on gay partnership benefits and legality from the most current resources available.

And not everything at stake boils down to investment type arrangements. Many of us live in many different parts of the country, and the state laws can vary WIDELY. We just had a visitor from Georgia who is very connected within the state government. The state laws about to be enacted there are, in his words, 'draconian,' and will severely limit the availability of certain benefits because of sexual orientation. Find out NOW if you live where these events are about to take place, and if there is ANYTHING you can do to get something in place before they take the right away, do it NOW.

Ultimately, while it makes me sick to my stomach and breaks my heart that we have to face these real possibilities, it is our OWN FAULT if we don't do anything within our power to take care of ourselves.

If you are in a partnership, or have friends who are, do EVERYTHING YOU CAN to protect yourselves and make whatever arrangements you can - no matter what you have to do to accomplish it. My partner and I are completely protected from the state and federal government. We had to go a few extra miles to make sure we were, and we have the advantage of living in California, which actually has done what it can to help us out. But the end result is that we are protected. Our property is ours, and can't be contested. We have essentially the same rights as spouses because we found a way to get them. It isn't always easy, but it IS many times possible. And if you have to choose where to put your energy, put it into providing for the sanctity of your own lives. These forces around us that want to deny us our existence will be left with their hatred and darkness, and we can go about our business.

These are times that could diminish our wills and darken our souls, but ONLY IF WE LET THEM. No one - no matter how they come to their ideologies - has the right to deny us the integrity of our existence. Hold your heads up high, surround yourselves with the love of those who accept and understand, do what you can to insure your protection and know that NOTHING can erase the essence that is YOU.

[aspiringguy715]

Posted: 9/3/04 at 12:58am

Thank you for your words DGrant. Very inspiring and thoughtful. Definitely made my night.

[showmethetony]

Posted: 9/3/04 at 1:02am

DGrant - thanks so much for your passion and concern now and always...you are an inspiration for a floundering through life kind of gal like myself...

Posted: 9/3/04 at 1:09am

Showmethetony - we're all floundering in our own way - NO one came with a set of instructions! That's why it's important to reach out to and be there for all those you can.

[BlueWizard]

Posted: 9/3/04 at 1:19am

DGrant, your post actually made me cry.

It's times like these that I thank my lucky stars I'm living in gay-friendly Ontario, Canada, where gay couples have been marrying for over a year and no big hoopla has been made of it. My heart goes out to you, my gay American brothers and sisters. Rage, RAGE against the dying of the light!

Posted: 9/3/04 at 1:25am

Blue - trust me, there's been one or two tears shed on this side of the border. But you know what? It DOESN'T have to determine how we live our own daily lives. While it would certainly be preferable to be immersed in a more enlightened society, it doesn't mean we have to drown in their ignorance. I CHOOSE to be full of the light that they refuse to embrace. I CHOOSE to see the possibilities, not the barriers. Let them live their 'lives of quiet desperation' - as Henry Higgins said, "I am my OWN divine spark!"

[RealityNut]

Posted: 9/3/04 at 1:30am

Bravo to your words of encouragement. We are entering a dark time in our nation's history. It seems as if someone forgot that we are all Americans and are created equal.

Let's take care of each other. In the words of Nelly and Flush Entertainment - We All We Got!
______________________________________________________

Posted: 9/3/04 at 9:38am

For myself, I'm avoiding this concept of 'dark times' - for no other reason than I don't want to view the span of my lifetime in such a negative way. At the end of the day, when I close my eyes, how I feel about myself is determined by ME - and it isn't necessary to let all that outside judgement and interferrence weaken my self-perception. They can muck about in ignorance all they want, I choose not to.

[GTP]

Posted: 9/3/04 at 11:11am

Yes, DGrant, this is very important to remember. Thanks for the reminder. Regardless who wins, neither party has endorsed our full equality and my life really won't change even if Shrubya steals another one and I turn to drink.

As they say, "if you want something done right..."

-Jerry

[Mister Matt]

Posted: 9/3/04 at 11:14am

I have been researching gay international partnerships and there is very little info on the subject. Can anyone recommend any resources regarding this?

[broadwayguy2]

Posted: 9/3/04 at 11:31am

Thanks, D.

I'll be on the look out, Matt.

Posted: 9/3/04 at 11:42am

Mister Matt - Check with the Immigration Department and ask about the Permanent Partners Immigration Act which is currently before congress. While you have them, ask what the current situation is - I'm afraid it's not too pleasant.

[bwaysinger]

Posted: 9/3/04 at 11:57am

oh, Dg, if only you could have an hour with Bush and Cheney alone.
For talking, of course.

Posted: 9/3/04 at 12:13pm

bwaysinger, it would only take a moment. Behind closed doors, no one could tell I wasn't being a pacifist

[papalovesmambo]

Posted: 9/3/04 at 12:22pm

i'd tell, d, even if they didn't ask.

Posted: 9/3/04 at 4:11pm

DGRANT:

Thank you for being a leader and an example. It is great motivation...makes me proud to know of such a great gay role model.

[now if I could only find a partner.. ;( ]

Posted: 9/3/04 at 4:14pm

Singingbackup - at the risk of seeming to oversimplify the situation, the key is to find yourself first.

And, your kind thoughts are greatly appreciated, but I am hardly a role model. I'm simply a man who is living a life full of discovery and willing to share and learn from others.

[Matt_G]

Posted: 9/3/04 at 5:48pm

I hear ya, singingbackup. It ain't easy to find someone nowadays. I'm on the lookout, myself.

[broadwayguy2]

Posted: 9/3/04 at 6:05pm

I second that amen.

[Rathnait62]

Posted: 9/3/04 at 7:43pm

Oh but to have a loving partner with whom to worry about this issue at all. Please realize how lucky you are to begin with to have that.

Posted: 9/3/04 at 7:46pm

Rath - I am grateful everyday for pretty much everything in my life - and having this extraordinary experience of love in my life is not on the list, it is the reason and the point of it all.

[nystateomind04]

Posted: 9/4/04 at 2:11am

Thanks for that, Dgrant. I always read anything you post and seriously consider what it is you are saying. I'm far from being personally effected by what the President is currently denying, right now (though I realize that such bigotry can impact us all at some point) but I will nontheless do my part in the struggle towards REAL freedom.

Posted: 9/4/04 at 2:18am

And that's what counts, NYstateofmind

[NoDayButToday2]

Posted: 9/5/04 at 1:13pm

Dgrant-you are what this board thrives on-- i very much enjoy reading what you have to say. though i am not gay myself, i do have many friends who are. I copied/pasted your post into an email and sent it to all of them-- and im sure they will have something to say. if i recieve any comments i think you should see, I will post them or PM them to you asap

[DAME]

Posted: 9/5/04 at 7:07pm

D Grant;
My partner and I are also fortunate to live in California and we have also completely protected ourselves and our properties. We are also fortunate enough to work in the entertainment industry and our employers are extremely gay friendly . We are fortunate enough to consider ourselves fully married without the need of some Nazi in the white house telling us wether we can be or not. Ihope the same fortune on everyone who so wants it.