What better time for a bawdy story (NB: this is a story that has been told and retold with many combinations of names. I heard it with these two):
Bernie Schwartz had recently arrived in Hollywood in the late 40s. He was a muffin in his early 20s and was quite in demand among the ladies. Who knew that eventually he would turn into Tony Curtis?
Bernie didn't have two nickels to rub together and was staying with a friend in a small place in LA. In the middle of the night, the friend got up hearing something odd in the living room. He found Bernie sitting on the sofa giggling and rocking back and forth.
"Bernie, what's up? Everything okay?"
Came the reply, "Me, Bernie Schwartz...from the Bronx. I just f**ked Yvonne De Carlo...!"
Thanks, Miss De Carlo. Have a wonderful eternal tour.
"If my life weren't funny, it would just be true. And that would be unacceptable."
--Carrie Fisher