first there was tarzan...
first there was tarzan...
#0first there was tarzan...
Posted: 5/24/06 at 9:47am
ok, anybody who follows the political threads around here knows i am no fan of senate majority leader bill frist. that said, via wonkette.com comes the single greatest story ever to grace the pages of the washington post.
"he unbuttoned his business shirt, revealing jungle-pattern surgical scrubs and a pair of hairy, toned biceps."
"he pressed his stethoscope to the gorilla’s chest and narrowed his eyes. kuja, a silverback patriarch, was breathing isofluorine."
"i need to be talking to the israeli prime minister in 18 minutes."
"frist smiled and spoke unremarkably from the lectern, reeking of silverback testosterone."
i give you -
bill frist: gorilla surgeon!
...global warming can manifest itself as heat, cool, precipitation, storms, drought, wind, or any other phenomenon, much like a shapeshifter. -- jim geraghty
pray to st. jude
i'm a sonic reducer
he was the gimmicky sort
fenchurch=mejusthavingfun=magwildwood=mmousefan=bkcollector=bradmajors=somethingtotalkabout: the fenchurch mpd collective
#1re: first there was tarzan...
Posted: 5/24/06 at 9:53am
Oy, Laura...that's what journalists would usually call "overwriting."
eta: I semi-retract this statement after reading the whole piece. The first grafs are a bit silly (he wakes up early! wow!) but considering the subject matter, I can't quarrel with the style so much.
Between Frist's toned biceps and Pat Robertson being able to leg press 2,000 pounds, perhaps the GOP should be forming some sort of superhuman justice league.
Updated On: 5/24/06 at 09:53 AM
#2re: first there was tarzan...
Posted: 5/24/06 at 9:55amsh*t, cal, i nearly spewed my coffee. this is f***ing priceless!
...global warming can manifest itself as heat, cool, precipitation, storms, drought, wind, or any other phenomenon, much like a shapeshifter. -- jim geraghty
pray to st. jude
i'm a sonic reducer
he was the gimmicky sort
fenchurch=mejusthavingfun=magwildwood=mmousefan=bkcollector=bradmajors=somethingtotalkabout: the fenchurch mpd collective
#3re: first there was tarzan...
Posted: 5/24/06 at 9:59am
My favorite line:
The stink of ape sweat and gorilla testosterone soaked his hair and clothes.
#4re: first there was tarzan...
Posted: 5/24/06 at 10:34am
And here I was, thinking this would be a great Tarzan thread.
Still, an interesting read!
#5re: first there was tarzan...
Posted: 5/24/06 at 10:37am
Yes, he is part of the superhuman justice league, able to diagnose terminally ill women from videotapes, and willing to sell his soul to medical/healthcare lobbyists.
If he had just stuck to medicine, we would have all been better off.
#6re: first there was tarzan...
Posted: 5/24/06 at 10:40ampeople please, we're getting away from the ape sweat.
...global warming can manifest itself as heat, cool, precipitation, storms, drought, wind, or any other phenomenon, much like a shapeshifter. -- jim geraghty
pray to st. jude
i'm a sonic reducer
he was the gimmicky sort
fenchurch=mejusthavingfun=magwildwood=mmousefan=bkcollector=bradmajors=somethingtotalkabout: the fenchurch mpd collective
#7re: first there was tarzan...
Posted: 5/24/06 at 10:41amI'll bet Peter LaBarbera drooled when he read this story.
#8Bill Frist, Cat Killer
Posted: 5/24/06 at 10:52am
He may be Albert Schweizer to gorillas but he's Josef Mengele to cats!
#9buffalo bill the cat skinner
Posted: 5/24/06 at 11:19amand by his own admission, "it was a heinous and dishonest thing to do."
...global warming can manifest itself as heat, cool, precipitation, storms, drought, wind, or any other phenomenon, much like a shapeshifter. -- jim geraghty
pray to st. jude
i'm a sonic reducer
he was the gimmicky sort
fenchurch=mejusthavingfun=magwildwood=mmousefan=bkcollector=bradmajors=somethingtotalkabout: the fenchurch mpd collective
BT
Broadway Legend Joined: 8/16/04
#10buffalo bill the cat skinner
Posted: 5/24/06 at 11:27am
Wow - it keeps getting better!
" He was the Senate majority leader of the gorillas, who negotiated disputes, back-slapped the ape boys and owned exclusive mating rights with the females. When Kuja started to stir, a veterinarian injected more anesthesia. One backhanded swipe could break Frist's neck."
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