my hem'roids are PULSATING & itchy. what do I do? Updated On: 2/24/05 at 05:44 PM
Broadway Star Joined: 12/31/69
Tell Boobs to be gentle, it's your first time.
well the first thing you need to do, bongo, is get as large a hand held mirror as you can and set it on the ground. if you can't find a hand held mirror, take one off the wall and put it on the ground, but make sure it's small enough the you can straddle it.
next, you'll need as powerful a handheld light that you can find. one of the 5 d-cell mag-lites will work. if you don't have one of those, a bare lamp will work as long as it's 200w or more.
once you have those things, i need to you take off your pants, stradddle the mirror and squat down so that everything is open and you can feel the breeze.
are ya there? good. now i want you to maneuver the light so that it's illuminating the area in question. once you can see things with absolute crystal clarity, i want you to describe in as much detail as possible exactly what you see.
PAPA you are terrible!!
okay..my flashlight is in position...the breeze is wonderful! everything is all SWOLE!
is it purple-ish red or just a just a dark pink, bongo?
bongo!
bongo!
for god's sake, man! don't look directly into the eye!
...a REEFER MADNESS fan thinks hemmorrhoids are gross?
Broadway Star Joined: 12/31/69
Broadway Legend Joined: 8/3/04
TMI
WHAT'S HAPPENING???? oh...& mr hoffa...would you please scratch that bulbous thing right there? ahhh..thx
Let us deal with this delicate subject in a tasteful manner if you please
Carry on
bongo, does it look like it's breathing? what i mean is it pulsing larger and smaller sort of in time with the beat of your heart? now try to be relaxed when you study this part, ok? well as relaxed as you can be when you're bent over straddling a mirror and shining a flashlight at your brown eye. remember to breathe and take breaks to stand up and let the blood come down from your head.
i'm hypnotized, mesmorized...& OMIGOD, PAPA! did you see that movie "O" (the ring)? I see that freaky chick climbing out of the well to do press for the sequel!! Updated On: 2/24/05 at 06:48 PM
sh*t, this is worse than i thought. dammit, bongo, i've got to leave the office so i'll be incommunicado for a while. boobs has my numbers i think. what i want you to do is pour yourself a tall glass of tequila, triple sec, lime and ice lay down on your tummy on the couch and sip that through a straw. you're at a dangerous time and one false move could trigger an eruption, so tread lightly and if you feel any rumbling, don't take any chances, wrap a towel around your waist and crab walk to the can and dial 911. i'll be back as soon as i can. be strong, bongo. don't let the bastard win.
Can we discuss my yeast infection now?
Broadway Legend Joined: 8/3/04
Rath,I was just about to post that!! GMTA
Broadway Legend Joined: 12/31/69
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