some facts about soon-to-announce and eventual gop 2008 presidential nominee fred dalton thompson

[papalovesmambo]

Posted: 5/31/07 at 6:29am

awesome facts about fred thompson

* fred thompson has on multiple occasions pronounced "nuclear" correctly.

* fred thompson has blasted more people in the face with a shotgun than even dick cheney.
he's fred thompson. you're nothing.
* the masked executioner of saddam hussein: fred thompson.

* not only does fred thompson cut taxes, he cuts tax collectors.

* fred thompson is the only person to have ever bested miyamato mushashi in a duel. the reason musashi is so vague about the book of the void is because the fifth ring of combat is really fred thompson.

* the reason fred thompson didn't want to stay in the senate for long is because all the extra scrutiny kept him from doing his favorite hobby: prowling the streets at night killing drug dealers.

* every night before going to sleep, osama bin laden checks under his bed for fred thompson.

* fred thompson took over what was al gore's senate seat, thereby dramatically reducing the senate's carbon footprint. fred thompson then created carbon offset offsets by wastefully burning hippies.

* the fremen consider "fred thompson" a killing word.

* fred thompson reconsidered running for reelection after 9/11 but later decided to handle things on his own. he was soon seen entering the middle east with a bottle of tequila in one hand an a handgun in the other. they're still counting the dead.

* though fred thompson left the senate in 2003, harry reid still hasn't stopped wetting his pants.

* fred thompson's gaze can kill small animals.

* fred thompson once ended a filibuster by ripping out a senator's heart and showing it to him before he died.

* the actual cause of global warming: fred thompson's burning rage.

* the budget to law & order was dramatically increased when fred thompson was added to the cast because he has to be digitally inserted into the scenes since anytime he's near hollywood liberals, he kills them.

* only two things can kill superman: kryptonite and fred thompson.

* fred thompson once stood on our south border and glared at mexico. there was no illegal immigration for a month.

* scientists predict that when fred thompson dies he'll explode taking out the five nearest planets before collapsing into a black hole.

* at a campaign stop, a belgian hound tried to hump fred thompson's leg. that breed of dog no longer exists.

* fred thompson vows not only to win in iraq but also to forcefully free vietnam from communism, thus giving america a perfect win/loss record for wars again.

* if you purchase a weather radio, it will wake you up with an alarm to warn you when fred thompson is pissed off.

* an abortion doctor tried to kill fred thompson when he was still in the womb, but he cut off the man's hand with scalpel while shouting, "do you know who i am? i'm fred thompson!"

* webster's dictionary defines "conservatism" as "how closely one's views resemble those of fred thompson."

* fred thompson's sense of strategy is so great that he can checkmate you using only a pawn and a knight.

* fred thompson can know both the exact position and momentum of a particle. furthermore, he knows schroedinger's cat is dead because he personally strangled it.

* the most efficient airline security is to have fred thompson stare down everyone entering a plane.

* when terrorists get to the afterlife, they'll find that none of their seventy-two women are still virgins. why? because of fred thompson.

* fred thompson can open clamshell packaging without the slightest trouble.

* in a butterfly ballot, no matter where you punch it the vote goes to fred thompson.

* why does iran want nuclear weapons? out of fear of fred thompson.

* some versions of the bible have mathew 5:5 read, "blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth... unless fred thompson wants it."

from:
imao

[PalJoey]

Posted: 5/31/07 at 8:19am

The race will be Fred Thompson vs. Al Gore. I predicted it last month.

[RobbO]

Posted: 5/31/07 at 8:29am

i'm fred thompson and i approved this message.

[SonofMammaMiaSam]

Posted: 5/31/07 at 8:31am

But is his little sister HOT?

[RobbO]

Posted: 5/31/07 at 8:33am

she's okay if you like blondes.

Updated On: 5/31/07 at 08:33 AM

[papalovesmambo]

Posted: 5/31/07 at 9:03am

fred thompson is a prime number.

[South Fl Marc]

Posted: 5/31/07 at 9:03am

Is it true that Fred Thompson doesn't bite the heads off chickens, he bites the body off of chicken heads, and when he spits them out, they are plucked, split into parts (legs, thighs and breasts) and ready for cooking?

[papalovesmambo]

Posted: 5/31/07 at 9:29am

i can neither confirm nor deny that rumor, marc. nor can i confirm the the song wrecking ball by punk demi-gods x was written about fred.

[WOSQ]

Posted: 5/31/07 at 10:09am

Freddy Thompson is just as full of crap as the rest of them.

[DG]

Posted: 5/31/07 at 10:10am

"Freddy Thompson is just as full of crap as the rest of them."

I think more so - he's an ACTOR, for God's sake!

[Calvin]

Posted: 5/31/07 at 10:26am

He'll make our quotas too high.

[mejusthavingfun]

Posted: 5/31/07 at 10:30am

What a mess.

Posted: 5/31/07 at 10:41am

Fred Thompson raised over $5 Million dollars for the Scooter Libby defense fund.

[PalJoey]

Posted: 5/31/07 at 11:28am

Fred Thompson could win.

[South Fl Marc]

Posted: 5/31/07 at 11:29am

Now thats a scary thought.

[Borstalboy]

Posted: 5/31/07 at 11:38am

And, as per fawking usual, the media is hyperventilating like teenage girls over Thompson's faux "toughness" and "masculinity"...didn't we go through this before? NO MORE COWBOYS!!!

From Salon.com:

The only thing that makes Thompson a "tough guy" is that he pretends to be one; he play-acts as one. There is nothing real about it. But in the same way that George Bush's ranch and fighter pilot costumes (along with his war advocacy) sent media stars swooning over his masculinity and "toughness," the Howard Finemans and Mark Halperins, along with the Bush followers in need of a new authoritarian Leader, are so intensely hungry for this faux masculine power that the illusion, the absurd play-acting, is infinitely more valuable to them than any reality, than any genuine attributes of "toughness."

Last week, in response to Michael Moore's request that Thompson debate him over health care, Thompson -- showing what a tough guy he really is -- filmed a forty-second You Tube video where he smoked a cigar and told Moore to check into a mental hospital. Chris Matthews had Mark Halperin on his show (who, it is always worth noting, was until recently the Political Director of ABC News and is now at Time) to giggle like sixth-grade boys high-fiving each other after the cool kid they are desperate to be near (played by Thompson) unleashed some adolescent prank on the nerdy kid in the corner:

MATTHEWS: Wait till you catch this. . . .

Mark Halperin, is Thomas' cigar-chomping chide a sign that he's serious about getting in this race?

HALPERIN: Chris, I've got to see your, "Ha ha!"

MATTHEWS: I have to tell you, Mark, it's for real. I can't fake it. But let me ask you this...

HALPERIN: I agree.

MATTHEWS: Is this the kind of winning performance that the avuncular Fred Thompson needs to win this thing?

HALPERIN: I echo your "Ha ha." Mega "ha ha" to you, Chris. Because that is exactly what this kind of campaign is going to have to be. He said he has said he's going to run in an unorthodox campaign.

That kind of video gets the net roots totally in a lather. They hate Michael Moore. They like the jab. They like the cigar. It's a total winner.

MATTHEWS: So there is a right-wing net roots as well as a left-wing net roots?

HALPERIN: Look, it shows that this guy has the flair for the dramatic. He understands what the net roots cares about. He was aggressive on immigration. I think right now that this guy is poised to come in and be a key player in this.

MATTHEWS: He's also brilliant, because the attack from a defensive position is one of the smartest moves in politics. There you go again. He posed as if he was defending himself against Michael Moore and took his head off.

Chewing on a cigar in front of a camera and telling someone to go to a mental hospital is, to them, what makes someone a "tough guy" -- "aggressive" and "avuncular." And the discussion which Fineman and Matthews had about Giuliani last night, in exactly the same way, was so creepy that it bordered on pornographic:

FINEMAN: I mean, "commanding daddy" is not the phrase I would use because "daddy" implies some generosity of spirit.

MATTHEWS: Yes.

FINEMAN: What's appealing about Rudy Giuliani is not the generous side, what's appealing about him is the tough cop side.

MATTHEWS: Right. You just wait until daddy gets home.

FINEMAN: Yes, that part...

MATTHEWS: That Daddy.

FINEMAN: ... of the daddy. It's the tough cop side, so...

MATTHEWS: Yes. Yes.


All they want is a fascist boot to lick.

Updated On: 5/31/07 at 11:38 AM

[PalJoey]

Posted: 5/31/07 at 12:25pm

Fred Thompson could win.

[papalovesmambo]

Posted: 5/31/07 at 12:26pm

if image didn't matter the democrats would have nominated dennis kucinich by now.

btw, the youtube video was hilarious.

[Jon]

Posted: 5/31/07 at 12:34pm

Fred Thompson proved in Die Hard 2 that he wasn't gonna take no crap from Bruce Willis.

[mejusthavingfun]

Posted: 5/31/07 at 12:36pm

I imagine his personal life should be damaging. There are scant details, but one can imagine dirty laundry will emerge. He has grandchildren older that are than his kids from the new marriage.

Also: (sorry to cut and paste)

--At George Bush's request, Thompson was in charge of managing Senate confirmation of John Robert's Supreme Court Nomination, thus helping ensure a right-wing Supreme for the next 30 years.
--Thompson is an advisory Board member of the Scooter Libby Defense Fund that raised over $3.5 million.

In the Senate, Thompson had a consistently right-wing Republican voting record. Here are some of his key votes:

--Voted Yes on use of military force against Iraq.
--Voted Yes on killing an increase to the minimum wage.
--Voted No on adopting Comprehensive Nuclear Test Ban Treaty.
--Voted Yes on deploying "Star Wars" missile defense shield.
--Voted No on banning chemical weapons.
--Voted Yes on oil drilling in the Alaska National Wildlife Preserve
--Voted Yes on terminating CAFÉ fuel efficiency standards.
--Voted Yes on defunding renewable and solar energy.
--Voted Yes on banning military base abortions.
--Voted Yes on banning so-called "partial birth" abortions.
--Voted No on adding sexual orientation to the definition of hate crimes.
--Voted No on prohibiting job discrimination by sexual orientation.
--Voted No on setting aside 10% of highway funds for minorities and women.
--Voted Yes on constitutional Amendment banning flag burning.
--Voted Yes on limiting product liability punitive damage awards.
--Voted Yes on restricting class-action lawsuits.
--Voted Yes on school vouchers.
--Voted No on background checks at gun shows.
--Voted Yes on selling guns without trigger locks
--Voted No on allowing reimportation of prescription drugs from Canada
--Voted No on allowing patients to sue HMOs and collect punitive damages.
--Voted Yes on repealing Clinton's ergonomic rules on repetitive stress.
--Voted No on increasing tax deductions for college tuition.


Updated On: 5/31/07 at 12:36 PM

[DG]

Posted: 5/31/07 at 12:36pm

"Fred Thompson could win."

I agree.

Unfortunately.

[Perfectly Marvelous]

Posted: 5/31/07 at 12:38pm

* the reason fred thompson didn't want to stay in the senate for long is because all the extra scrutiny kept him from doing his favorite hobby: prowling the streets at night killing drug dealers.



For some reason, that made my day and I thank for it, papa.

[papalovesmambo]

Posted: 5/31/07 at 5:54pm

some more (there may be repeats, if there are it's because antyhing that's been said here about fred merits another mention because after all, he's fred thompson):

with fred thompson departing from law & order, it's now being renamed the cops and lawyers fun hour.

they say that after a nuclear blast, the only things that will survive will be cockroaches and fred thompson... except that fred thompson doesn't like cockroaches. so the only thing that will survive will be fred thompson.

fred thompson had never considered anything a monkey has done to be funny. even those with roller skates on.

fred thompson honors the fallen on memorial day by setting fire to hippies. burn long and hard in their remembrance, you filthy hippies.

the grass is always greener on fred thompson's lawn. always.

fred thompson has enough strength to throw rosie o'donnell ten feet.

fred thompson has a cameo appearance in the third pirates of the caribbean movie. he plays the force of nature.

in a fred thompson administration, there will always be room to disagree with him. that room is called the morgue.

in the series law & order, fred thompson plays the title character.

fred thompson is immune to fire, bullets, and your sarcasm.

in times of trouble, fred thompson activates the secret gamma accelerator hidden his watch and powers up and transforms into... fred thompson.

usually for a bill to become a law, it has to be passed by the house and the senate and signed by the president, but once fred thompson made a bill into law by saying, "this bill is now the law" and punching bill clinton in the nads.


the chupacabra is in fact the physical manifestation of fred thompson anger over illegal immigration. if mexicans don't want their goats sucked dry of blood, they better respect our border.

fred thompson was originally considered for the lead to 24, but then the producers realized that, with how long it takes fred thompson to solve any national crisis, they'd have to rename the series 0.2.

unbeknownst to michael moore, a documentary was made of the last time fred thompson debated a liberal blow hard. it was called faces of death.

when fred thompson throws a cat, it always lands on its head.

fred thompson not only doesn't add cream or sugar to his coffee, he doesn't add water.

fred thompson has never been confused by anything that has happened on lost.

fred thompson has on multiple occasions solved problems like maria.

fred thompson kills at least one terrorist every day before he even has his first cup of coffee. you don't want to be the terrorist he kills before he gets his first cup of coffee.

fred thompson can pat his head, rub his belly, and kill you all at the same time.

if all the computers in the world worked together, it would still take them six quintillion years to calculate exactly how awesome fred thompson is. in fact, computers will never be able to calculate that since fred thompson's awesomeness increases faster than moore's law.

fred thompson's response to the debate question "what do you dislike most about america?" would be to rip off chris matthew's head and shove it up his ass.

fred thompson often fills in for paul harvey and batman.

physicists say nothing can escape a black hole or fred thompson.
why does iran want nukes? fear of fred thompson.

though fred thompson left the senate in 2003, harry reid still hasn't stopped wetting his pants.

only two things can kill superman: kryptonite and fred thompson.

every night, osama checks under his bed for fred thompson.

actual cause of global warming? fred thompson's burning rage.

fred thompson appears human size because he is actually standing a million miles away.

not only does fred thompson cut taxes, he cuts tax collectors.

fred thompson can win any presidential debate by answering "i'm fred thompson" to every question.

fred thompson's favorite color is the blood of his enemies.

fred thompson's favorite book is a battered copy of the moon is a harsh mistress which he used to beat a hippy to death.

[Mister Matt]

Posted: 5/31/07 at 6:05pm

papa - You just made me love you all over again.

[TheatreDiva90016]

Posted: 5/31/07 at 8:17pm

Get in line, Mattress.