something upsetting...

[AbbaRabbit]

Posted: 6/24/07 at 6:44pm

my mom just came back from a friend's house.
i am friends with her friend's younger (she's 16) daughter.
my mom told me something that was very upsetting to me.

they suspect my friend of being bulemic.
she said that the whole time she talked about how full she felt and felt like she needed to throw up.
she ate a piece of cake in the kitchen and then disapeared upstairs.
this friend is someone i have known since she was a toddler, when she used to live acorss the street from me.

i would like to help her, or at least let her know that if she needs anyone to talk to, she can always call my cell phone.
but i dont know if that's the right thing to do, since she should be talking to her parents who can get her help if she needs it.
i dont know if it's my place either to talk to her or if it's appropriate.
i'm very worried about her since she is at an age where things like this can and do happen to girls.

i dont know if i'm looking for advice on what i should do or not, if you have some, please offer it, but i just needed to get this out.

[Rathnait62]

Posted: 6/24/07 at 6:46pm

Obviously she's making no effort to hide it from her family - in fact, quite the opposite. Her parents are aware of what's going on.

[AbbaRabbit]

Posted: 6/24/07 at 6:48pm

that's what i said to my mom, that it sounded like she was hinting to them to ask her about it. like a cry for help.
but she said they did and she denied it.

[Weez]

Posted: 6/24/07 at 6:50pm

It can't not help to let her know that if she needs someone to talk to then you're available. It can be really difficult to open to parents on a subject like this and she may prefer someone nearer her own age, just to be there and be supportive. Even if she chooses never to take you up on it, it really can't hurt to let her know you're there for her.

Updated On: 6/24/07 at 06:50 PM

[colleen_lee]

Posted: 6/24/07 at 6:52pm

Of course she denied it. She knows what is doing is wrong and she is battling with wanting to stop and be normal but the awful fear of what will happen if she does. To ask and take her words at face value is pointless.

But all of this is moot. It's not really your business and it's doubtful she would ever confide in you anyway. Let her family deal with it.

[AbbaRabbit]

Posted: 6/24/07 at 6:55pm

colleen, i have had friends confide in me before about things that they needed to talk about and didn't feel like that could talk to their parents about. and i've confided in friends before as well.

[colleen_lee]

Posted: 6/24/07 at 6:58pm

Unless you are her best friend in the entire world she is not going to open up about something this personal. And even if you are her incredibly close, she's still unlikely to confide in your while she is in the throes of battling this disease.

[justagirl2]

Posted: 6/24/07 at 7:01pm

I somewhat disagree about this not being Abba's business...even if her parents know something's wrong, they can't force a confession out of her. Neither can you, but just being closer to a person in age can do wonders for their comfort levels when around you. Last year, one of my friends developed an eating disorder. Her parents expressed their concerns to many adults, but simply had no idea how to approach the situation. Eventually, another friend sat her down and let her know that if she ever needed someone her own age to talk to about all the stress she was under, she was always there. Sarah eventually went to Caitlin, told her flat out that she was starving herself, and, after confessing to another person, felt that she could say the same thing to her parents. She eventually got help and is doing fine. Obviously, this is an incredibly lucky and rare circumstance, but perhaps your situation can be one, as well.

Good luck, and as Weenz said, letting her know that you'll be around for support is something small that you can do that may help a lot later. Updated On: 6/24/07 at 07:01 PM

[AbbaRabbit]

Posted: 6/24/07 at 7:03pm

well colleen thank you for your positive attitude in thinking that maybe, just maybe, someone who i've known since she was in diapers might want to talk to someone who she knows won't judge her and who knows the ins and outs of the mental health care system.

it actually makes me kind of feel bad for you.

Updated On: 6/24/07 at 07:03 PM

[colleen_lee]

Posted: 6/24/07 at 7:07pm

You wanted opinions. You've got them.

Let me just say, I've been there and I know how private of an issue this is.

And that if she finds out her parents, your parents and you were talking behind her back it's likely to set her back several steps in trusting enough to open up to anyone.

[AbbaRabbit]

Posted: 6/24/07 at 7:11pm

i'm not going to say to her "so you mom told me you were bulemic"

i'd probably say something like "i remember when i was in high school how hard it was. i had my older cousin to talk to when things got kind of rough. i just wanted to let you know if you ever wanted to talk to anyone about anything, feel free to call me."

"anything" could mean about boys, homework, teachers, class scheduals, colleges... i'm not going to even mention a possible eating disorder.

[colleen_lee]

Posted: 6/24/07 at 7:12pm

You could try that, but if her parents have recently confronted her about this issue then she is going to know exactly what this is all about. Which compounds the guilt, which compounds the disease.

[SweetQintheLights]

Posted: 6/24/07 at 7:13pm

Abba, you posted a thread and she responded to it.

Whether you agree or disagree with it is one thing but to be sarcastic about it and to write what you wrote, I thought was a bit rude. Just my .02.

[AbbaRabbit]

Posted: 6/24/07 at 7:16pm

sorry, what was rude? x_X

she responded to me and i responded to her.

i wish someone offered ot let me call them and talk to them when i was in middle school.