146 Reasons Why From Justin To Kelly Sucked

[broadwayguy2]

Posted: 7/1/03 at 6:20pm

I found this at "Television Without Pity"

You have to read it!



Sidenote :: Kelly's friend was played by Anika Noni Rose, an amulni of Bway's Footloose, where she played 'Rusty'
146 Reasons Why From Justin To Kelly Sucked

[BillyLawlor]

Posted: 7/1/03 at 6:55pm

I saw it today. I think it was the corniest and cheesiest movie I've ever seen. But ,MAN , could they sing!

[broadwayguy2]

Posted: 7/1/03 at 7:05pm

This is SSOOOOOOO me ::


Painful Dialogue Example #2, from Brandon: "I'm genetically incapable of developing relationships with girls."
There's this one guy with nipples so prominent that I'm sure they must get their own spot in the closing credits.


Why I hate myself #1: I'd totally do him.
Why I hate myself #2: I also immediately recognized him as a dancer from Britney Spears's "Oops, I Did It Again" days. I used to watch the video just to catch glimpses of him.

30. The dancer's name is Brandon Henschel, and on his Web site, he declares that he is "Uniquely Accomplishing God's Will Through Entertainment."


Why I hate myself #3: I'd still totally do him.
This guy's name is Greg, and he has confused Eddie with Brandon, who has apparently slept with Greg's girlfriend. Eventually they work things out nonviolently, and Greg invites Eddie to the bar for the drink. Out of the blue, Eddie tells Greg that he'll go as long as Greg realizes they'll never be more than friends. Where the **** did that come from?

83. Apparently, there was some subplot cut from the movie where two of the male characters realized they were gay. Sadly, I can't figure out whether the movie would be better or worse if they had left the plot in.

84. If Brandon the dancer was one of the guys, then better. Otherwise, worse.

Why I hate myself #4. Ooh, there's dancer Brandon! Hi Brandon! So ripply, he is. So very shirtless.
Why I hate myself #5. Brandon was the ballet dancer in that cheerleading audition montage in Bring It On. He was in Bring It On, people! Maybe he really has been touched by God?

111. Dancer Brandon's in the number, but he doesn't take his shirt off. Boo!

137. Eddie encounters Greg in the bar. Greg and his girlfriend decided to split up. This scene makes absolutely no sense, and clearly Greg is supposed to be at least one of the guys who turns out to be gay.

Why I hate myself #6. I immediately start looking for dancer Brandon.
Why I hate myself #7. In a crowd of about forty people, I spot him almost immediately by the pool.

143. This song is some sort of freakish rip-off of "That's The Way I Like It." Kelly dances with Justin. Kaya dances with Carlos. Eddie dances with Internet Girl. Brandon dances with Sexy Cop. Alexa dances with my sexy Brandon.


Why I hate myself #8. Dancer Brandon's parents post on the message boards on his site. I really, really hope they don't read this.


Brandon Henschel and Greg Siff are VERY hot. Just for the record.

[Dollypop]

Posted: 7/1/03 at 8:46pm

What did you expect? This is a MOVIE, and MOVIES are going to be the downfall of Western Civilization....Mark my words!

[AReinkingfan]

Posted: 7/1/03 at 9:34pm

WOW! And all this time I thought it was us gays and lesbians that were going to be the downfall of civilization! Thank God THAT'S wrong! WHEW!

[broadwayguy2]

Posted: 7/1/03 at 9:36pm

AReinkingfan,
It's only the nutball ball reight wingers, twist the Bible to use it as a reason for hate, Bush supporters who think we are the downfall.


I still say that Brandon and Greg are HOT.

[PJ]

Posted: 7/1/03 at 9:45pm

What did you expect? Obviously it was a cheap attempt to cash in on American Idol fanatics. I bet the studio's kickin' themselves now. I'm one of the people who thought American Idol was the dullest thing in the world.

[broadwayguy2]

Posted: 7/1/03 at 9:47pm

I don't enjoy AI overall, but I have enjoyed several contestants -- Jim Verraros (yeah for my team!), Clay Aiken, and Kimberly Locke.

[Butch2]

Posted: 7/1/03 at 9:54pm

I've seen wittier lists at a supermarket.

[Dollypop]

Posted: 7/1/03 at 10:05pm

No, Gays and Lesbians will not cause the downfall of Western Civilization. TV dinner might. Albin's sweater collection might. Rosie O'Donnell's hairdo might. Vanilla Coke might.
The citizens of Billings, Montana might. That Streisand Woman might.

No, Gays and Lesbians will be around to pick up the pieces and then do something artistic with the mess.

[Rypm25]

Posted: 7/1/03 at 10:30pm

dollypop....i like vanilla coke...:)

[AReinkingfan]

Posted: 7/1/03 at 10:35pm

That's why we rule the arts!!

BroadwayGuy - I wouldn't expect a gay guy to like Bush. Usually lesbians like bush. But Bush is one bush I don't want!

EEP!

[Mr Roxy]

Posted: 7/1/03 at 10:41pm

2 reasons

1. Justin
2. Kelly

[WTripleThreat]

Posted: 7/1/03 at 11:19pm

in response to the previous 2 reasons...HA!

[MsNina]

Posted: 7/2/03 at 1:58am

Why was it that the kids were on spring break and Justin never took off his shirt or removed his shoes. The boy always had socks on. I don't get it.

And as if we didn't already know that the movie was embarrassingly bad, this is the moment when that fact was rectified: Justin and Kelly are in the girl's bathroom, Justin needs to sneak out, Kelly points at the window, Justin says "Girl, my hair won't even fit through that!"

[broadwayguy2]

Posted: 7/2/03 at 2:01am

"Girl, my hair won't even fit through that!"

Actually, that was the "could I be ANY gayer? I think Not" moment.

[MsNina]

Posted: 7/2/03 at 2:06am

Oh yes, right you are 2.

[BrdwyThtr]

Posted: 7/2/03 at 3:59pm

Though I haven't seen the movie, Kelly's got an awesome voice!

Posted: 7/2/03 at 4:34pm

Oh wow.......Brandon........where have you been all my life?

[broadwayguy2]

Posted: 7/2/03 at 4:41pm

HOT! Isn't he? Brandon is one nice looking hunk of man.

I just don't like attitude toward gay men too much. He says that he is religious and in a bussiness with a large number og gay men (duh!) and on his mssg board he gave advice to a young religious male dancer who had issues about working alongside gay man and Brandon told him to do what he does -- you can be their friend/co-worker, just block out that aspect of them and ignore them when they talk about their boyfriends and the like and to remeber that you don't ever have to see them outside of work if you don't want to be around them.
Hot, but brainwashed by the relgious reight. The nutball religious leaders now have totally ruined the christian faith and turned into something that it was never intended to, and never should, be.

Posted: 7/2/03 at 4:51pm

Wow, he's a religious nut?

A religious hott dancing nut.......what a sex fantasy come true. Sweeney Todd all over again. DELIVER ME! *whips him* DELIVER ME!

[broadwayguy2]

Posted: 7/2/03 at 4:54pm

I didn't say it disqualified him from being in the Top 10 on my "Must Screw" list.

Take away the bible and have someone deprogram the crap they taught him and he will be fine. Introduce him to a saner religious organization and then tie him to my bed and I'll have yelling "Thank You Jesus" so fast his head'll spin.

[tpdc]

Posted: 7/2/03 at 7:01pm

No wonder the movie was a flop. What teenage girl (or gay man who likes Justin) wants to see a movie with Justin (set at the beach no less!) where he doesn't take his shirt off??? Do they think we'd go to see him act or sing?

[Sunfish]

Posted: 7/2/03 at 7:39pm

His ears, and other parts, must be burning. I have serious issues with the Religious Right too, but I think objectifying this young man in such a blatently sexual manner is rather unseemly, knowing his religious views.

Then again, he did seem to spend most of the movie shirtless. So perhaps he doesn't mind at all. Any publicity is good publicity?

Personally I would be horrified to find out people were writing like that about me on a public forum (or even a private one!) Not that anyone ever would, of course. Just thinking about it makes me laugh. And sad.

Gawd, humans are such complicated creatures.....

(philosophy button now disabled...whew!)

[broadwayguy2]

Posted: 7/2/03 at 10:03pm

The boy was flaunted the whole movie! He was the one they used as sex appeal for the girls and the gay boys! The y could not have made it more obvious that he was there for the beefcake factor!