Cringeworthy Lyrics — Page 3

"Pharaoh's Dreams Explained" from Joseph:
"All these things you saw in your pajamas
Are a long-range forecast for your farmers"
There are many other times in that show where he rhymes "--or" with "--aw". I hate half-rhymes, but the one above just makes me so angry whenever I hear it.

It only doesn't work if you're American. "Pyjamas" and "farmers" rhymes just fine in the UK. :P

My favourite terribly-lyriced Frank Wildhorn song is 'Missing You (My Bill)' from The Civil War. It's BEAUTIFULLY cringeworthy!

http://www.allmusicals.com/lyrics/civilwar/missingyoumybill.htm

I think the best-worst bit is:

"The parlor roof still leaks a bit
Where the gable meets the eave
You always meant to get to it
But I know you had to leave"

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Updated On: 6/2/10 at 10:23 AM

The lyrics of Legs Diamond are the absolute worst. Not just rhyming but the whole of the content. There are rhymes of "shelf", "wealth," and "else" in one song. But the one that always sticks out for me is the production number "I Was Made For Champagne."

Kiki: I was made for champagne/but don't get me wrong I'm still glad I came
Boys: From those Virgin Islands!
Kiki: Oh, I've never been there!

Truly sad, but amazing that this score got recorded and you can hear it in all its oddity. It is just crammed with poor lyrics.

The Human Comedy is a beautiful score and teh story is great, but the Besoyan scribed lyrics could use some fine tuning. Can't cite anything directly off the top o me 'ead.

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All from THE FIRST WIVES CLUB:

We may be diff'rent as night and day
But we're sisters in every way
And how about a shout for the sisterhood?
Sisters!

Wedding belles
Sounds of joy, sounds of laughter
Wedding belles
Saying love ever after
Wedding belles
Singing "Here Comes the Bride"
Wedding belles
Friends by your side...

Look at that girl with Morty Cushman from Queens
Her tush in them jeans
Is not what you call schlock
Even though her voice can stop the clock!

I no longer wear that hat that made me a middle-aged brat
No more drama, ambition - got none of those addictions
I was trapped with nowhere to run
But I fought for my life
And I won!

Gonna be outrageous!
Contagious!

Every part of me begs to stay
But I don't have the strength, I just can't break away
I don't care if they call me a fool
I'll take, I'll take it!
I'll take that ridicule...

So be with us
You just can't lose
Come join the club
You've already paid your dues!


AND THE WINNER:

Latex and leather
I'm smart as a whip
There's no doubt she's slipped out of her Freudian slip!
She's called a shrink, but sir
No shrinkage will occur
She's not a slouch
I make full use of my couch!

Updated On: 6/2/10 at 06:06 PM

I would say the "For Good" lyrics, it starts off really nice, but then all that talk about comets, and birds...it just awful! Lovely melody, lazy lyrics!

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from MISS SAIGON, The Heat is on in Saigon:

(Kim):
A million dreams are in me
(Chris):
GOOD JESUS, JOHN, WHO IS SHE?

re: the McMurphy lyrics in N2N, I've always loved the fact that they reference Cuckoo's Nest outright, because some of the audience is bound to be thinking about it already.


My contribution to the bad lyrics game is from the epically awful Dance of the Vampires:

Garlic! Garlic! The secret to staying young
Garlic! Garlic! It's why we're so well-hung

yes, really.

This makes me cringe for a different reason. Has there ever been a more racist tune on braodway?:

Peter Pan
Ugg-a-Wugg>

Both:
We'll be coming willy nilly lilly
beat on a drum (boom boom boom boom) and I will come (boom boom boom boom
Peter Pan:
And I will come and save the brave noble redskin

Re: that Ragtime lyric, it's actually a reference to the novel, where Mother's Younger Brother is a MUCH more sexual and creepy character.

About next to normal, I don't mind the Cuckoo's Nest line, but I've always hated "and it's cheese." Also the line, "you've got it, yay, hooray!" ...really?

Woman of the Year:

"It's my night, Sammy, all mine, Sammy,
And you can't give it, you're well-known whammy"

But then, check out any of Ms. Bacall's Greatest Hits. "But Alive" is too easy a target. Go to THE FAN. The only musical number with a mimed kick in the ass at the end of a line.

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The lyrics in Maury Yeston and Arthur Kopit's Phantom have some "winners."

"The Opera's Been Invaded By a Phantom!" has the best worst lyrics ever, IMHO:

"Phantom!
The opera's been invaded by a phantom!
The opera's been invaded by a phantom!
Phantom!
The opera's been invaded by a ghost.
By a ghost.
By a ghost!
By a ghost!
By a ghost!
If you follow him, you're following a phantom."

http://anneke.bakadeshiproductions.com/phantom/kopitmusic/song08.html for the rest of the lyrics to this "song."

Two lines from "Gethsemane" in Jesus Christ Superstar always get me:

"God, thy will is hard/But you hold every card"

and

"Show me just a little of your omnipresent brain!"

Always makes me imagine the universe being squashed by God's omnipresent brain...

Take me to a zoo that's got chimpanzees
Tell me on a Sunday....

P'leeeze!

This is the second time I've ragged on "Follies" recently, but this has to be my least favorite Sondheim lyric of all time:

Sally standing at the door
Sally moving to the bed,
Sally resting in my arms
With her head against my head.

That last line just makes me skin crawl...