Cringeworthy Lyrics- Page 3

[Weez]

Posted: 6/2/10 at 10:23am

"Pharaoh's Dreams Explained" from Joseph:
"All these things you saw in your pajamas
Are a long-range forecast for your farmers"
There are many other times in that show where he rhymes "--or" with "--aw". I hate half-rhymes, but the one above just makes me so angry whenever I hear it.

It only doesn't work if you're American. "Pyjamas" and "farmers" rhymes just fine in the UK. :P

My favourite terribly-lyriced Frank Wildhorn song is 'Missing You (My Bill)' from The Civil War. It's BEAUTIFULLY cringeworthy!

http://www.allmusicals.com/lyrics/civilwar/missingyoumybill.htm

I think the best-worst bit is:

"The parlor roof still leaks a bit
Where the gable meets the eave
You always meant to get to it
But I know you had to leave"

Updated On: 6/2/10 at 10:23 AM

[Eastwickian]

Posted: 6/2/10 at 11:47am

The Muder Murder lyrics were the first to pop into my head when I saw this thead!

I don't know if it's the way they're sung, but these from Rent just sound . . . weird to my ears:

Rent, my amigos, is due.
Or I will have to evict you.
Be there in a few
Updated On: 6/2/10 at 11:47 AM

[twinbelters]

Posted: 6/2/10 at 2:51pm

The lyrics of Legs Diamond are the absolute worst. Not just rhyming but the whole of the content. There are rhymes of "shelf", "wealth," and "else" in one song. But the one that always sticks out for me is the production number "I Was Made For Champagne."

Kiki: I was made for champagne/but don't get me wrong I'm still glad I came
Boys: From those Virgin Islands!
Kiki: Oh, I've never been there!

Truly sad, but amazing that this score got recorded and you can hear it in all its oddity. It is just crammed with poor lyrics.

The Human Comedy is a beautiful score and teh story is great, but the Besoyan scribed lyrics could use some fine tuning. Can't cite anything directly off the top o me 'ead.

[Justin D]

Posted: 6/2/10 at 3:06pm

I dont know if its cringe worthy, but this little gem from Beautiful Game always made me smile

WHAT IF I'M NOT SUBLIME?
NO CASANOVA.
I'VE HAD A COUPLE.
BIRTHDAY SUIT.
BREWERS DROOP.
I'M SO SHY. HOW CAN I GET MY LEG OVER?
HOPE THERE'S LEAD IN MY PENCIL WHEN
I LOSE MY CHERRY THIS VERY FIRST TIME.

HAVE I GOT ALL THE RIGHT INFORMATION?
WHICH POSITION DOES A GIRL PREFER?
I FEAR PREMATURE EJACULATION
'COS MY GOD I DON'T HALF FANCY HER.

[ABB2357]

Posted: 6/2/10 at 6:06pm

All from THE FIRST WIVES CLUB:

We may be diff'rent as night and day
But we're sisters in every way
And how about a shout for the sisterhood?
Sisters!

Wedding belles
Sounds of joy, sounds of laughter
Wedding belles
Saying love ever after
Wedding belles
Singing "Here Comes the Bride"
Wedding belles
Friends by your side...

Look at that girl with Morty Cushman from Queens
Her tush in them jeans
Is not what you call schlock
Even though her voice can stop the clock!

I no longer wear that hat that made me a middle-aged brat
No more drama, ambition - got none of those addictions
I was trapped with nowhere to run
But I fought for my life
And I won!

Gonna be outrageous!
Contagious!

Every part of me begs to stay
But I don't have the strength, I just can't break away
I don't care if they call me a fool
I'll take, I'll take it!
I'll take that ridicule...

So be with us
You just can't lose
Come join the club
You've already paid your dues!


AND THE WINNER:

Latex and leather
I'm smart as a whip
There's no doubt she's slipped out of her Freudian slip!
She's called a shrink, but sir
No shrinkage will occur
She's not a slouch
I make full use of my couch! Updated On: 6/2/10 at 06:06 PM

[Mister Matt]

Posted: 6/2/10 at 6:16pm

I have to admit, with all its flaws, I love the Legs Diamond cast recording. Yes, it has some silly lyrics, but I really love most of the melodies, even those that don't stylistically fit the setting well like Sure Thing Baby. Speakeasy is the only track I generally skip.

And I love taking the opportunity to use "I'll have a perfect Pousse Cafe" any chance I get.

Updated On: 6/2/10 at 06:16 PM

[musicnerd234]

Posted: 6/2/10 at 10:01pm

I would say the "For Good" lyrics, it starts off really nice, but then all that talk about comets, and birds...it just awful! Lovely melody, lazy lyrics!

[philly03]

Posted: 6/2/10 at 10:23pm

One of my favourite horrible ones from Carrie

"I had a perfect childhood
I always felt at home in a crowd.
I did things a child would.
I sang along but never too loud.

Then I made a choice
by raising my voice
Now I'm all alone in my song.
You know how that feels? It hurts to be strong."

[gcontini2]

Posted: 6/2/10 at 11:06pm

from MISS SAIGON, The Heat is on in Saigon:

(Kim):
A million dreams are in me
(Chris):
GOOD JESUS, JOHN, WHO IS SHE?

[BwayTday]

Posted: 6/2/10 at 11:14pm

Lippa's Wild Party (I love the score, but it is best if you don't pay attention to the lyrics.)

'Cause when you start in a ditch
you quickly learn to plow.
So darling, darling, darling
take a damn good look, look a me now.

What does that even mean?

And the "Don't hang up this took such courage" line in "See Me" from Bare literally made me cringe for a while. It is just so awkward.

[Trina55]

Posted: 6/3/10 at 8:41am

re: the McMurphy lyrics in N2N, I've always loved the fact that they reference Cuckoo's Nest outright, because some of the audience is bound to be thinking about it already.


My contribution to the bad lyrics game is from the epically awful Dance of the Vampires:

Garlic! Garlic! The secret to staying young
Garlic! Garlic! It's why we're so well-hung

yes, really.

[darquegk]

Posted: 6/3/10 at 9:05am

I like the ditch-plow line in Wild Party- it's a fairly obvious double entendre on Kate's sexual promiscuity, as it's implied that she "plows" several men, or is alleged to have in the past, over the course of the book and the show.

[auggie]

Posted: 6/3/10 at 10:29am

This makes me cringe for a different reason. Has there ever been a more racist tune on braodway?:

Peter Pan
Ugg-a-Wugg>

Both:
We'll be coming willy nilly lilly
beat on a drum (boom boom boom boom) and I will come (boom boom boom boom
Peter Pan:
And I will come and save the brave noble redskin

[GlindatheGood22]

Posted: 6/3/10 at 10:46am

It's not a bad lyric, but in The Night That Goldman Spoke at Union Square, the line about Younger Brother masturbating caught me a bit off guard. It's just doesn't seem to fit with the rest of Ragtime. I remember sitting in the theatre thinking, "Where the hell did that come from?"

[fetzles1490]

Posted: 6/3/10 at 11:38am

Re: that Ragtime lyric, it's actually a reference to the novel, where Mother's Younger Brother is a MUCH more sexual and creepy character.

About next to normal, I don't mind the Cuckoo's Nest line, but I've always hated "and it's cheese." Also the line, "you've got it, yay, hooray!" ...really?

[twinbelters]

Posted: 6/3/10 at 11:46am

I love listening to Legs Diamond too, Matt, and Speakeasy is one of my favorite numbers, oddly. Legs also has some of my favorite artwork for a musical.

Oy, Legs Diamond. I remember my shock back when I found out that not only had the score been recorded but it was on CD. I had read about Legs in Not Since Carrie and Theater Week after the fact and it seemed like it was so awful it would never be recorded. I mean, what absolute catastrophe lasts under 80 performances and receives a fully orchestrated cast recording from a major label like RCA? I don't believe Peter payed for it himself, but it may be possible that's how it happened. If that's the case I give him credit.

More awful lyrics:

All I wanted was the dream
Not like anybody else
I didn't want it pushed aside forgotten on a shelf
I wanted laughs and lots of lovers and limitless wealth
For the whole world to see (he totally belts out "world" like Judy)

It's actually a lovely song with inspired orchestrations. Listen below at YT.

Anyone remember some of the childish lyrics from Marilyn: An American Fable?

All I Wanted Was The Dream - Legs Diamond

[Auggie27]

Posted: 6/3/10 at 1:12pm

Woman of the Year:

"It's my night, Sammy, all mine, Sammy,
And you can't give it, you're well-known whammy"

But then, check out any of Ms. Bacall's Greatest Hits. "But Alive" is too easy a target. Go to THE FAN. The only musical number with a mimed kick in the ass at the end of a line.

[phantom8019]

Posted: 6/27/12 at 8:43am

Anyone else bothered by some of the lyrics in The Last Five Years, including this one:

"So I smile like Mona Lisa and I lay my Visa down"

Seems worse than the standard bad lyric example of "To kill outside St. Paul's requires a lot of balls." Or on par.

I used to adore The Last Five Years. But after seeing it twice, it annoys me. I do enjoy the audition song, however.

[andi1235]

Posted: 6/27/12 at 10:10am

The lyrics in Maury Yeston and Arthur Kopit's Phantom have some "winners."

"The Opera's Been Invaded By a Phantom!" has the best worst lyrics ever, IMHO:

"Phantom!
The opera's been invaded by a phantom!
The opera's been invaded by a phantom!
Phantom!
The opera's been invaded by a ghost.
By a ghost.
By a ghost!
By a ghost!
By a ghost!
If you follow him, you're following a phantom."

http://anneke.bakadeshiproductions.com/phantom/kopitmusic/song08.html for the rest of the lyrics to this "song."

[Plum]

Posted: 6/27/12 at 10:38am

I listened to the Les Miserables score for the first time in a long time thanks to the movie trailer coming out, and while for the most part the lyrics are at least serviceable, "Valjean's Soliloquy" contains the gem:

"Yet why did I allow that man/ to touch my soul and teach me love?"

HA. So cheeseball, and not in a good way like much of the rest of that musical. There's a part of me hoping that they'll just cut that one little line for length so I don't have to cringe at it onscreen in December, but it probably won't happen, more's the pity.

[PapaGe]

Posted: 6/27/12 at 10:55am

Two lines from "Gethsemane" in Jesus Christ Superstar always get me:

"God, thy will is hard/But you hold every card"

and

"Show me just a little of your omnipresent brain!"

Always makes me imagine the universe being squashed by God's omnipresent brain...

[phantom8019]

Posted: 6/27/12 at 11:02am

So it is! I always thought that lyric was "Show me just a little of your omnipresent reign"

[henrikegerman]

Posted: 6/27/12 at 11:46am

Take me to a zoo that's got chimpanzees
Tell me on a Sunday....

P'leeeze!

[Playbilly]

Posted: 6/27/12 at 12:30pm

Let's not forget SISTERELLA:

Kiss My Butt
My Sweet Patootie
C'Mon Kiss It

[djb]

Posted: 6/27/12 at 1:27pm

This is the second time I've ragged on "Follies" recently, but this has to be my least favorite Sondheim lyric of all time:

Sally standing at the door
Sally moving to the bed,
Sally resting in my arms
With her head against my head.

That last line just makes me skin crawl...