A Trough at the Theater — To Chow or Not to Chow? By John Heilpern I can scarcely begin to describe my dismay at the calamitous news that Broadway theaters are now allowing everyone to eat and drink
during a show. As I see and hear it, chowing down in the theater will kill the theater.
Like a lot of people I know, I used to love going to movies, until I simply couldn’t take people pigging out around me any longer. The constant crunch, munch and slurp—the
junk, the smell, the noise, the talk, the charming ****-you mentality that goes with it all—ruined movie-going for me.
The writing is now on the wall for our theaters, where, until only recently, eating and drinking at your seat were forbidden. Now even those ritual warnings about unwrapping candy and cough drops
before the curtain goes up are out-of-date. “This let-them-eat-snacks philosophy,”
The New York Times reported on Jan. 5, “has been embraced at the Helen Hayes, Hilton, New Amsterdam, Eugene O’Neill and Walter Kerr Theaters, as well as all nine houses owned by the Nederlander Organization.”
The Nederlander, Disney, Jujamcyn and Clear Channel theater owners are the ones involved in this latest unacceptable example of greed. “This is part of a broader attempt to enhance the audience experience,” rationalized Jim Boese, Nederlander’s vice president.
Mr. Boese, a word in your ear: Imagine you’ve paid $200 for you and your guest to see a revival of
Death of a Salesman at one of your lovely Broadway houses. You’re sitting there wishing there were more legroom at these prices—but let’s not go into that now. The excellent new production is about to begin when the couple nearest you start to dig into a giant bucket of buttered popcorn, to be washed down with Coke and ice rattling through Act I in Arthur Miller commemorative plastic cups. In front of you, another couple is enjoying hot dogs with onions and beer, while someone behind you is saying, “Pass the soy sauce, sweetheart.”
Tell us, Mr. Boese—how come none of this distracts you in any way from what’s happening onstage, but somehow “enhances” your theater-going “experience”? Am I exaggerating? With all grudging respect, Mr. Boese, please resist responding that you don’t sell hot dogs in your theaters.
You will. Popcorn today; wraps, salads and dogs tomorrow. Why not? It happened at the movies.
Why can’t America stop eating for two hours?
The Times theater story was ignited by a stunned Patti LuPone telling us that when she was playing Mrs. Lovett in Sweeney Todd last season she found herself distracted by a couple in the front row wrestling over the remains of a bag of popcorn. The Times went on to report, however: “All the theater owners whose houses serve food said they were investigating packaging that would reduce wrapper noise.”
Thank God for that. It’s certainly comforting to think that Rocco Landesman, president of Jujamcyn, and his fellow Broadway producers have hired a crack team of Nobel Laureate research scientists to solve the mystery of wrapper noise. Coming soon to a theater near you: the world’s first silent bag of potato chips! But how will the world’s finest minds solve the problem of eating the chips silently … ?
“Broadway is about a theatrical experience. It’s not about pulling out Marie Callender’s chicken pot pie and a Sterno,” Patti LuPone argued. “Would you go to church and pull out a ham sandwich? I don’t think so. Then why would you do it at the theater?”
Read on...
A Trough at the Theater — To Chow or Not to Chow?
"Winning a Tony this year is like winning Best Attendance in third grade: no one will care but the winner and their mom."
-Kad
"I have also met him in person, and I find him to be quite funny actually. Arrogant and often misinformed, but still funny."
-bjh2114 (on Michael Riedel)
Updated On: 1/10/07 at 08:59 AM