Mommie Dearest the musical

[children&art]

Posted: 12/29/05 at 7:00pm

Why hasnt this been done yet, at least off-Bway - dont you think it would be a SCREAM????

"No wire hangers!"

I mean I see it in the vein of "Ruthless!" with a man as Joan (or at least Kathleen Turner).

And she should get an 11 o'clock number featuring the board of Pepsi Co called "Don't F*CK With Me Fellas!"

Thoughts?

[roquat]

Posted: 12/29/05 at 7:10pm

I think it would have to be an opera, it's so big and overdone--when Faye is saying "No wire hangers!" she SOUNDS as if she's singing. Think of it--a bass note on "NOOOOO....chord chord...WIIII-RREEE(higher note)...chord chord...HAAAANNNNGGGGERS!!!!(soprano-shrieked high note.)

[EvelynNesbit1906]

Posted: 12/29/05 at 7:20pm

I love "no wire hangers," but I hope a stage musical wouldn't leave out other great scenes (ESPECIALLY setting lotion, missing babies and the argument with Al Steele over the apartment) in favor of making it the longest scene.

Someone should also do a musical version of Supergirl, a movie that might as well have been a sequel to Mommie Dearest since Faye played the evil witch Selena almost exactly as she played Joan.

[children&art]

Posted: 12/29/05 at 7:24pm

yes yes yes, Supergirl is the unofficial sequel to Mommie Dearest with Brenda Vacarro subbing in as Joan's/Faye's "maid"/partner.

[Anakela]

Posted: 12/29/05 at 9:53pm

I mean I see it in the vein of "Ruthless!" with a man as Joan (or at least Kathleen Turner).

There's a stage show called "Mommie Queerest"- a drag Mommie Dearest with a man as Joan, a man as Christina, etc. I caught it in L.A. and almost hurt something from laughing so hard. 'Twas good.

[EvelynNesbit1906]

Posted: 12/29/05 at 10:13pm

There was a little discussion of that months ago.

Tell us more! What scenes from the movie weren't in Mommie Queerest? (which needs to come to Chicago)

[Anakela]

Posted: 12/29/05 at 10:39pm

(OMG- Mommie Dearest is playing on tv right now!!)

This is what I posted on my blog, which was a combo of what I posted here and what I emailed to a friend. Let me know if you have any specific questions and I'll try and answer!:

Saw Mommie Queerest at the Hudson Theatre tonight, and it was one of the funniest things I have seen in a long time!

For those who are fans of the camp of the movie, it is all here- the swimming scene, "Tina, bring me the ax," "I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at the dirt," the rare meat dinner, "Understand, the first word I ever heard out of any of you...," "I am NOT one of your fans," and, of course, the wire hanger scene. The setup is basicially the Mommie Dearest story, with the 'twist' at the end that Christina "discovers" that Joan was really a man all along, and so writes a book called Mommie Queerest, which no one wants to read.

But, this cast takes Mommie Dearest up and out to a whole new level of camp- a catfight staged to Bette Davis Eyes, 'Christina Aguilera Crawford,' etc.- ok so it all makes more sense in context. :)

They did some stuff to music, but it was music as in it was a soundtrack, the show was just straight-up dialogue, no singing from the folks on stage, but music in the bkgd.

The haircut scene: fierce light on Joan and her scissors, strobe lights going off all around, no other lighting, bits of hair flying everywhere, Joan's got some great lines including bits about "looking like you're working the streets of West Hollywood," etc., strobe lights turn off and Christina's changed wigs from the little blonde curls look to some awful half shaved, half fluff, I'm not even sure it was a wig before the props guys got ahold of it, wig. It played a lot better than I can do it justice in words!

I think my favorite bit might have been the 'celebrity death match' type fight they stage during "I am NOT one of your fans!"- "In this corner, weighing in at 185 (off of look from Joan) 110, Joan Crawford." heh.

Jamie Morris (Joan Crawford) completely takes Joan's mannerisms and facial expressions to a whole new exaggerated level- hilarious. And who knew that little Danny Pintauro (sorry- Dan Pintauro now) from "Who's the Boss" would grow up to be such a cutie? He plays Carol Ann and a whole host of other characters. And did I mention how cute he is??

[jv92]

Posted: 12/30/05 at 5:58pm

I'd die to write book and lyrics to this.
Updated On: 12/30/05 at 05:58 PM

[jimmirae]

Posted: 12/30/05 at 6:13pm

Actually, They should use Joan Crawford's actual last words in writing the 11 O'Clock number. They were (allegedly):
"Don't you dare ask God to help me!"
And as far as casting, Isn't the part of Joan obvious?

[jv92]

Posted: 12/30/05 at 6:17pm

I was thinking of that picture in the wire hanger scene when it was on TV last night.

[Mr Roxy]

Posted: 12/30/05 at 8:26pm

Kathleen Turner would be an inspired choice

Too bad there is no part for Hasselhoff

[stylinbohemian]

Posted: 12/30/05 at 8:31pm

lol! I thought about that once, lol Kathleen Turner was that first person i thought for the role!

[BwayLeadman]

Posted: 12/30/05 at 9:16pm

I'm watching the movie right now for the first time (Tina just got hit with the hanger) Its like Mame on drugs.

[catharsis]

Posted: 12/30/05 at 9:19pm

I'm watching the movie, too! I just turned it and it was the part with the "NO WIRE HANGERSSS". I love this movie.

[Elphaba]

Posted: 12/30/05 at 10:03pm

and then there's always Christmas with the Crawfords, which I saw in San Francisco

[Scarywarhol]

Posted: 12/30/05 at 11:03pm

There's ONE movie-to-musical I'd actually like to see!

[EvelynNesbit1906]

Posted: 12/30/05 at 11:05pm

I just got one of Christina's Mommie Dearest sequels (Survivor) in the mail. She talks about how much the film distressed her and her husband, and how she thought she'd have another stroke from the trauma it caused her.

Wonder how fast Paramount would give up the rights to the book, and whether she'd try to fight that just as she fought the film once she saw it going in a campy direction? Or could someone just twist the themes to make it their own work, and say that they were basing it on oral history?
Updated On: 12/30/05 at 11:05 PM

[EvelynNesbit1906]

Posted: 6/4/06 at 3:39pm

This IS coming to Broadway as a musical. Producer/screenwriter Frank Yablans recently confirmed. There's going to be cross-dressing involved. That's all I know.

[C is for Company]

Posted: 6/4/06 at 4:09pm

"Too bad there is no part for Hasselhoff"

Are you kidding me? Hasselhoff would make the PERFECT Greg. He even looks a little like the guy in the movie and could deliver those lines perfectly. Dress up Henry Hodges in blonde wig and he would be perfect for young Christopher for the Christmas scene. Someone should seriously put me in charge of casting

[munkustrap178]

Posted: 6/4/06 at 4:13pm

Evelyn, are you serious? That just made my LIFE.

[WickedGeek28]

Posted: 6/4/06 at 4:17pm

I love this thread!

[EvelynNesbit1906]

Posted: 6/4/06 at 4:20pm

Quoted in Newsday, Munk.
Updated On: 6/4/06 at 04:20 PM

[munkustrap178]

Posted: 6/4/06 at 4:21pm

They should get Christine Pedi or Jennifer Simards to play Joan....

I can just see the song list now...

"We're Ready for you, Ms. Crawford"
"Scrub, Scrub, Scrub"
"Just Play Acting"
"What's Wire Hangers Doing in This Closet?"
"Clean Up This Mess"

Oh god. The show wouldn't even have to be good. I just need to see it.

[WickedGeek28]

Posted: 6/4/06 at 4:24pm

Hmm who shall play Carol Ann?

[EvelynNesbit1906]

Posted: 6/4/06 at 4:24pm

LOL three songs for the bedroom raid? Well I suppose a musical's typical 3-hour+ length could accomodate that. Of course, we wouldn't want any other scenes to be sacrificed for them, and there's that double bitch-slap on the Andrea Doria that has yet to be dramatized...
Updated On: 6/4/06 at 04:24 PM