Really Crappy Lyrics

A. Those Camelot lyrics and Mack and Mabel lyrics aren't nearly as bad as that person says in my opinion

B. I don't think there is a single worse lyric written for theatre than:

Oh Noah
You Go-ah
All the Way Back to the Protozoa!

Updated On: 11/24/14 at 07:57 PM

It's especially horrible because it references evolution, which is contradictory to the concept of the story of Adam and Eve. Obviously, it's fictional, but it's just weird in the context of the show.

"I'd sooner buy defying gravity"

---

Not a classic like those referenced at the link, but I'll never forget an off-off-Broadway musical starring the husband of a friend:

"Marriage means monogamy,
They'll never make a hog of me."

Not a perfect rhyme, but the first lines of the opening number and sung several times. I still don't know what the authors thought it meant.

****

As for the original link, I like (or rather don't like) most of the examples, but shame on the writer for not knowing Carolyn Leigh's work.

"And I'll be up like a rose bud, high on the vine.
Don't thumb your nose, Bud, take a tip from mine."

Perhaps not Leigh's best lyric (see, instead, most of LITTLE ME), but the rose bud isn't a symbol of victory, it's something that is high ("I'll be up"). And "Take a tip from mine" means keep you nose up (and your spirits, too).

The character singing is not an intellectual. If we're going to damn Sondheim for a reference to hara-kiri (a mistaken criticism since the character is singing an Irving Berlin song in a Follies, not speaking in her own vernacular), then we have to allow Leigh to write for a character who is no wordsmith.

I think all of Facade is pretty bad.

From Lysistrata Jones "When She Smiles":

This won't be another road that I didn't take
Not another day with the same mistake
Not another cake that I didn't bake
Not another Snow White that I didn't wake

Bonnie and Clyde
"City Hall is low on kindness, but it don't run out of flags!"

I actually love that line about the beelzebubble bursting.

Here's my submission: "Ode to the Brooklyn Bridge" from KELLY

Oh you mammoth suspension
Liking’ the Bowry with Red Hook
Permitting a free exchange of ideas and bringing civilization as we know it to both sides
Of the Brook

Oh you big big bastion
Stretching’ across the watery ditch
Ya don’t bitch
Ya just stick it out
And it’s sticking out all over you (?????)
Majestic monument who don’t say boo

Oh you great big bridge
Connecting Brooklyn with New York
You don’t squawk
you just do ya job
And it’s a hell of a job you do
Connecting Lynbrook with Yoooork, New!

Truly terrible.

---

Updated On: 11/25/14 at 12:19 AM

"Poor Galinda, forced to reside
With someone so disgusticified
We just want to tell you:
We're all on your side!"

That one Nessa/confessa line in Dancing Through Life is simply awful too.

But I think we can all agree that the lyrics in Victor/Victoria are just plain awful.

The inept, stupid, or foolish ones don't bother me nearly as much as the forced, strained, smug, self-congratulatory, gee-look-how-clever-I-am ones that assault both our ears and common sense.

Things like "While her withers whither with her, " and "a matador coercin' a bull."

What bull.

And to think that we are told that this person is a great lyricist. Hell, the same people decree him to be a great composer, too, despite all evidence being entirely to the contrary.

A bad joke, you say? Well, yes, surely.

Its perpetrators, however, are laughing heartily.

Updated On: 11/26/14 at 07:23 AM

After spending the weekend seeing some truly amazing shows, including the absolute perfect On The Town, I don't think I shall take anything you say seriously again. You are clearly some contrived troll here to upset people - and I must say Good Job, for you had me going there for a minute. And I'd anyone is "smug, self-congratulatory, gee-look-how-clever-I-am" it's you hon.

---