Shaiman's witty lyrics to "Zip"

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Shaiman's witty lyrics to "Zip"

Posted: 1/14/04 at 10:07pm

Just read these funny lyrics to "ZIP" which was originally written by Rodgers and Hart. Seems as though Marc Shaiman re-wrote the lyrics for Jane Krakowski for a recent benefit. Here there...

On television I was working
While the theater crowd just sat here smirking
But Broadway's such a "stop and go" world
That between Grand Hotel and Ally McBeal
I had to take a gig at Show World

The things I learned there, stage can't rival
And I used them in the Nine revival
Though my entrance was grand
It was lonely there at top
Waiting for my bump and grind

What was I thinking as hung there in that sheet?
As I swung, these thoughts kept crossing my mind…

Zip!
Michael Riedel wasn't brilliant today
Zip!
Nathan Lane and Matthew sure make them pay

Zip!
Barry Weissler thinks Miss Piggy is chic
Zip!
She'll be starring in Chicago next week!

Farrah Fawcett, Jackie Mason
Stages are no longer gracin'
Zip!
Broadway's quite blood thirstin'

Polly Bergen and Mark Hamill
Left in six weeks on a camel
Zip!
Led by Ellen Burstyn!

Zip!
At the Biltmore actors came and they went
Zip!
How does Jasmine Guy pay rent?

Zip!
Tovah Feldshuh's got group sales up the can
Zip!
I hear next year she'll play Moshe Dayan

Zip!
Take Me Out caused quite a scandal, you know
Zip!
It took balls to take a part in that show

Wireless modems brought transition
Online chats at intermission
Zip!
Gossip dark and shady

Though we act like we don't love it
Broadway stars are not above it
Zip!
Shut your hole, Ned Beatty

Zip!
Harvey Fierstein sure spoiled Macy's big day
Zip!
When he said the turkey's gay!

Zip!
Rosie O stormed Broadway with Brit Boy George
Zip!
But the critics fought back like Valley Forge

Zip!
Av'nue Q puppets and chorus boys have class
Zip!
They work cheap and like a hand up their ass

Kristin Chen'with dressed up scant'ly
Late one night with big Ben Brantley
Zip!
That's the backstage story

Donna Murphy also musta'
Rode him like a bronco busta
Zip!
Aah, the price of glory

Zip!
You may ask, how doe she know all that's true?
Zip!
Well, did you read my Nine review?!

Yeah, every night I rode Ben's rack 'til daylight came
Oh, zip!
Zip, zip!
And now you all can pronounce my name!

The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity -- Harlan Ellison.

re: Shaiman's witty lyrics to 'Zip'

Posted: 1/14/04 at 10:14pm

Hilarious and very well done!

re: Shaiman's witty lyrics to 'Zip'

Posted: 1/14/04 at 10:14pm

"Zip!
Av'nue Q puppets and chorus boys have class
Zip!
They work cheap and like a hand up their ass"

Oh. My. Gawd.

re: re: Shaiman's witty lyrics to 'Zip'

Posted: 1/14/04 at 10:15pm

Marc is a freakin genius!

Thanks Jack for posting these!!!

re: re: re: Shaiman's witty lyrics to 'Zip'

Posted: 1/14/04 at 10:17pm

FYI the above lyrics were featured in Paul W's Stage Notes on Broadway.com

http://www.broadway.com/template_1.asp?CI=33437&CT=49

"A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men" - Willy Wonka

Updated On: 1/14/04 at 10:17 PM

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Posted: 1/14/04 at 10:24pm

Yeesh! Whatever happened to class? Sorry but Gerard Alessindrini is still the master.

If anyone ever tells you that you put too much Parmesan cheese on your pasta, stop talking to them. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.

re: re: re: re: re: Shaiman's witty lyrics to 'Zip'

Posted: 1/14/04 at 10:32pm

Well the above lyrics came with a disclaimer from Shaiman that he wanted (Paul Wontorek) to remind everyone he wrote it with a smile and great love of the theater community, which he's proud to be a part of.

You should really read the full story and stage notes by clicking on my post above or clicking below...
Stage Notes

"A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men" - Willy Wonka

Updated On: 1/14/04 at 10:32 PM

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Posted: 1/14/04 at 10:40pm

class, shmass, I laughed my ass off!! No "qualification" needed Craig! I wish I had been there to hear the crowd's reaction.

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Posted: 1/14/04 at 10:44pm

DVD...

True.. no qualification is needed, but to be fair to Marc (who I happen to find hilarious) I wanted to make sure people understood how the song was framed and that it wasn't some random performance.

I wasn't there - but from everyone who went, they said it got a tremendous round of applause and laughter...

"A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men" - Willy Wonka

#10

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Posted: 1/14/04 at 10:49pm

Hey Gotham not-so-PC

Have you even BEEN to Forbidden Broadway lately? G.A. might have been fresh, funny and clever 10 MAYBE even 5 years ago. His latest endeavor is tired, dull and uninspiring. It's funny that he makes fun of Les Mis still in the show, which I know can sometimes be an audience favorite, but many of the songs in the current show should be shelaqued or however you spell it.

#11

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Posted: 1/14/04 at 11:15pm

"Zip!
Av'nue Q puppets and chorus boys have class
Zip!
They work cheap and like a hand up their ass"

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"I'm learning to dig deep down inside and find the truth within myself and put that out. I think what we identify with in popular music more than anything else is when someone just shares a truth that we can relate to. That's what I'm searching for in my music." - Ron Bohmer

"I broke the boundaries. It wasn't cool to be in plays- especially if you were in sports & I was in both." - Ashton Kutcher

#12

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Posted: 1/14/04 at 11:23pm

I love Marc Shaiman. he he he he he he he

#13

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Posted: 1/14/04 at 11:46pm

OMG! broadwayguy2 and I quoted the same lyrics. Scary.

#14

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Posted: 1/14/04 at 11:47pm

Marc, Marc, Marc.........you make me laugh. When I need a piece of "special material", even though I love Billy Barnes, you da man.

#15

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Posted: 1/15/04 at 12:40am

I'm sorry. What was the topic again????

Oh.. RIIIIIIIGHT.. Marc's clever lyrics to ZIP

"A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men" - Willy Wonka

#16

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Posted: 1/15/04 at 12:45am

broadwayguy2 and I are writing a musical about Marc and Scott. I'm going to play Marc and broadwayguy2 is going to play Scott. It's going to be the next Rent!

#17

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Posted: 1/15/04 at 12:46am

JeffG, everyone's taste is different. I find these lyrics to be crass and unfunny.

If anyone ever tells you that you put too much Parmesan cheese on your pasta, stop talking to them. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.

#18

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Posted: 1/15/04 at 12:46am

APTLY NAMED "FOR RENT"?

#19

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Posted: 1/15/04 at 1:20am

It's all good. I didn't need to post that comment anyway. Soooo, from the valley of the jolly, ho-ho-ho, goin' to bed with a smile on my face about those ZIP lyrics.

#20

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Posted: 1/15/04 at 3:49am

This was Very, Very funny.

I love Gerard. But he hasn't written anything THIS good in years.

"Christ, Bette Davis?!?!"

#21

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Posted: 1/15/04 at 5:45am

Dry2Olives' "101 Ways to Lose A Star" is funny, witty and sophisticated, in my opinion.

Sleep well Larry, there's nothing to worry about.

Broadway Bulldog

#22

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Posted: 1/15/04 at 9:35am

Bulldog..

Did I miss a cultural reference...?? Explain your cryptic post...

"A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men" - Willy Wonka

#23

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Posted: 1/15/04 at 2:43pm

That's great! Marc should do a "Forbidden Broadway" type show where he parodies musicals. I bet it'd be amazing.

#24

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Posted: 1/15/04 at 2:49pm

You know, these things just aren't funny AT ALL when you don't know the song in the first place.

#25

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Posted: 1/15/04 at 3:11pm

Craig, Bulldog is referreing to Larry Hart, the original lyricist for ZIP from PAL JOEY.

"Christ, Bette Davis?!?!"

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