MRS. LOVETT: Here we are, hot from the oven.
TODD: What is that?
MRS. LOVETT:It's priest. Have a little priest.
TODD: Is it really good?
MRS. LOVETT: Sir, it's too good, At least. Then again, they don't commit sins of the flesh, So it's pretty fresh.
TODD: Awful lot of fat.
MRS. LOVETT: Only where it sat.
TODD:Haven't you got poet Or something like that?
MRS. LOVETT: No, you see the trouble with poet Is, how do you know it's Deceased? Try the priest.
TODD: Heavenly. Not as hearty as bishop, perhaps, but not as bland as curate, either.
MRS. LOVETT: And good for business — always leaves you wanting more. Trouble is, we only get it in Sundays . . .
Lawyer's rather nice.
TODD: If it's for a price.
MRS. LOVETT: Order something else, though, to follow, Since no one should swallow It twice.
TODD: Anything that's lean.
MRS. LOVETT: Well, then, if you're British and loyal, You might enjoy Royal Marine. Anyway, it's clean. Though, of course, it tastes of wherever it's been.
TODD:Is that squire On the fire?
MRS. LOVETT: Mercy no, sir, Look closer, You'll notice it's grocer.
TODD: Looks thicker. More like vicar.
MRS. LOVETT: No, it has to be grocer — it's green.
TODD: The history of the world, my love —
MRS. LOVETT: Save a lot of graves, Do a lot of relatives favors ...
TODD:— is those below serving those up above.
MRS. LOVETT:Everybody shaves, So there should be plenty of flavors ...
TODD: How gratifying for once to know —
BOTH:— that those above will serve those down below!
MRS. LOVETT: Now, let's see ... We've got tinker ...
TODD (Looking at it): Something pinker.
MRS. LOVETT: Tailor?
TODD: Paler.
MRS. LOVETT: Butler?
TODD: Something Subtler.
MRS. LOVETT: Potter?
TODD (Feeling it): Hotter.
MRS. LOVETT: Locksmith?
TODD:Maybe for a lark ...
MRS. LOVETT: Then again, there's sweep If you want it cheap And you like it dark.
Try the financier. Peak of his career.
TODD: That looks pretty rank.
MRS. LOVETT: Well, he drank. It's a bank Cashier. Last one really sold. Wasn't quite so old.
TODD: Have you any Beable?
MRS. LOVETT: Next week, so I'm told. Beadle isn't bad till you smell it And notice how well it's Been greased. Stick to priest.
Now this may be a bit stringy, but then, of course, it's fiddle player.
TODD: This isn't Fiddle player. It's piccolo player.
MRS. LOVETT: How can you tell?
TODD: It's piping hot.
MRS. LOVETT: Then blow on it first.
TODD:The history of the world, my sweet —
MRS. LOVETT:Oh, Mr. Todd, Ooh, Mr. Todd, What does it tell?
TODD: — is who gets eaten and who gets to eat.
MRS. LOVETT:And, Mr. Todd, Too, Mr. Todd, Who gets to sell.
TODD: But fortunately, it's also clear —
TODD: MRS. LOVETT: That everybody But everybody Goes down well with beer.
MRS. LOVETT: Since marine doesn't appeal to you, how about rear admiral?
TODD: Too salty. I prefer general.
MRS. LOVETT: With or without his privates? "With" is extra.
TODD: What is that?
MRS. LOVETT: It's fop. Finest in the shop. Or we have some shepherd's pie peppered With actual shepherd On top. And I've just begun. Here's the politician — so oily It's served with a doily —Have one.
TODD:Put it on a bun. Well, you never know if it's going to run.
MRS. LOVETT: Try the friar. Fried, it's drier.
TODD: No, the clergy is really Too coarse and too mealy.
MRS. LOVETT: Then actor — That's compacter.
TODD: Yes, and always arrives overdone. I'll come again when you Have judge on the menu . . .
MRS. LOVETT: Wait! True, we don't have Judge — yet — but would you settle for the next best thing?
TODD: What's that?
MRS. LOVETT: Executioner.
TODD: Have charity toward the world, my pet.
MRS. LOVETT: Yes, yes, I know, my love —
TODD: We'll take the customers what we can get
MRS. LOVETT: High-born and low, my love
TODD: We'll not discriminate great from small No, we'll serve anyone — Meaning anyone —
BOTH: And to anyone At all!
"One no longer loves one's insight enough once one communicates it."
The opposite of creation isn't war, it's stagnation.