Top Ten Reasons Your Production was not Nominated for a Tony Award

[Alvin and My Sheepdog Rex]

Posted: 6/11/03 at 11:20am

As a follow up to the Tony Awards, here is David Letterman's Top 10 reasons why your production was not nominated for a Tony Award from last year.

10) Costumes consist of items stolen from theatre coat check room.
9) Helicopter appears in climatic scene, but it's not in the script.
8 ) No matter how good it is, a show in your parents' garage is not eligible.
7) It's called "revival" because you're constantly resusitating audience members.
6) Marquee reads, "Tom Arnold is Napoleon Bonaparte.
5) Instead of "Author! Author!" the audience shouts, "There he is! Let's get him!"
4) Despite the fact it isn't a musical, your lead actor is constantly breaking into song.
3) When the curtain rises, it only goes up a couple of feet.
2) The big musical number is "The Tonys Can Kiss My Ass"
1) The name of the production is "Osama Mia"

CAN YOU THINK OF ANY REASONS BETTER THAN DAVES'?

Updated On: 6/11/03 at 11:20 AM

[broadwayguy2]

Posted: 6/11/03 at 11:23am

1) Your show is a musical about the undead with music by a washed up mainstream composer housed in a barn-theatre.

[AndrewClay]

Posted: 6/11/03 at 11:24am

Only 3 minutes before the first Dance of the Vampires Joke.

[broadwayguy2]

Posted: 6/11/03 at 11:25am

LOL. I'm sorry. I HAD To do it. At least I didn't comment on the geriatric leading actor with the stuffed pants. oops.

[AndrewClay]

Posted: 6/11/03 at 11:27am

I enjoyed DOTV because I went in not taking it seriously and had a pretty good time. That was one hell of a dance belt though.

Andrew

[broadwayguy2]

Posted: 6/11/03 at 11:30am

They DO make them padded. LOL. I liked the physical production beacause it was immense. As a designer, it was fun to look at.

[Albin]

Posted: 6/11/03 at 1:14pm

It starred a croaking old, bleached blonde has-been who was past her prime even before she starred in the original production! Updated On: 6/11/03 at 01:14 PM

[Alvin and My Sheepdog Rex]

Posted: 6/11/03 at 1:45pm

For some reason, your production of another animal related musical called RATS never caught on.

Updated On: 6/11/03 at 01:45 PM

[Alvin and My Sheepdog Rex]

Posted: 6/11/03 at 2:12pm

You mistakenly hire Paul Simon instead of Neil Simon to write your new Broadway play, and end up with Capeman II.

[ChrisLovesShows]

Posted: 6/11/03 at 2:17pm

Alvin:
Thanks for reminding us about this list. I was watching Letterman last year when he read this and loved it. I almost wet my pants at the helicopter joke. That Dave!!

[Alvin and My Sheepdog Rex]

Posted: 6/11/03 at 3:02pm

Your idea of capitalizing on a current trend didn't pay off when you cast Antonio Banderas as a cross-dressing Wicked Witch of the West in Wicked.

Updated On: 6/11/03 at 03:02 PM

[Alvin and My Sheepdog Rex]

Posted: 6/11/03 at 6:53pm

Your new Broadway show titled, The History of French Wisdom, is disqualified from Tony consideration because its running time is to short to qualify for Best Musical, since the entire show is only 12 minutes in length of which 10 minutes are Overture.

[Phantess]

Posted: 6/11/03 at 8:31pm

LMAO!! I love Osama Mia! I've been laughing for a few minutes now! hehe oh Dave is the best

[BudFrump23]

Posted: 6/11/03 at 8:50pm

Nice one, Alvin and Rex!

[SisterMaryOnette]

Posted: 6/11/03 at 10:07pm

9) Helicopter appears in climatic scene, but it's not in the script.


hehehehehe....love that.

now you all be nice about Dance of the Vampires, it was a smash in Vienna (where I saw it) and then in Stuttgart.

[CourtneyM]

Posted: 6/11/03 at 11:23pm

lmao i had completely forgotten about this thanks for posting it

[broadwayguy2]

Posted: 6/12/03 at 1:50am

DOV was a hit and a good show. Until the American producers decided to mess with it. If it ain't broke. Don't fix it.