War is a Science (Pippin) - Does Anyone Have the Revised Lyrics?

[WindyCityActor]

Posted: 12/24/14 at 12:09pm

Hello Everyone,

Does anyone have a copy of the revised lyrics to War is a Science? I'd like to include the new version in my musical theater audition book. I already have the musical from the original score.

Best Regards,

Windy

[g.d.e.l.g.i.]

Posted: 12/24/14 at 12:53pm

The lyrics follow.

CHARLEMAGNE:
War is a science
Which a general must use
With stratagems and strategies
Statistical analyses
To know how many soldiers he's
Prepared to lose...

Now, gentlemen, this is the plan for tomorrow's skirmish:

The army of the enemy is stationed on the hill
So we've got to draw them down here
Where they're easier to kill
So you in the ravine (that's this area in green)
Will move across the plain
Where you plainly can be seen
Then the enemy (in blue)
Will undoubtedly pursue
And we'll hope to keep your losses
To comparatively few...

And then...

SOLDIERS:
And then...

CHARLEMAGNE:
And gentlemen, and then...

PIPPIN:
And then the men go marching out into the fray
Conquering the enemy and carrying the day
Hark! The blood is pounding in our ears
Jubilations! We can hear a grateful nation's cheers --

CHARLEMAGNE:
Pippin, sit down immediately! Now where was I? Oh, yes...

A general accepts that war
Is hell or even worse
He must never be too cautious
Or casualty averse
I'm certain the majority
Of blood that you will spatter'll
Be theirs, with just a minimum
Of damage that's collateral
But we know for success
We must always pay a price
That's why for my success
You must sacrifice!

And then...

SOLDIERS:
And then...

CHARLEMAGNE:
And gentlemen, and then...

PIPPIN:
And then the men go marching out into the fray --

CHARLEMAGNE:
Pippin!

PIPPIN:
Sorry, Father.

CHARLEMAGNE:
Well, now time is short. I'll have to speed the whole damn thing up...

Listen to me, men, as I endeavor to explain
What separates a charlatan from a Charlemagne
A rule that's known to generals illustrious and various
Though pompous as a Pompey or daring as a Darius
A little rule that ev'ry leader knows by heart:
It's smarter to be lucky than it's lucky to be smart

And then...

SOLDIERS:
And then...

CHARLEMAGNE:
And gentlemen, and then...

Now, Pippin, now!

SOLDIERS:
And then the men go marching out into the fray
Conquering the enemy and carrying the day
Hark! The blood is pounding in our ears
Jubilations! We can hear a grateful nation's cheers...

[nasty_khakis]

Posted: 12/24/14 at 1:30pm

Has Schwartz talked about why they were so heavily revised? I don't think the new ones are any better/clearer/funnier/whatever. They just seem to be changed for change sake.

[darquegk]

Posted: 12/24/14 at 2:34pm

The old lyrics were mostly a pastiche of Gilbert and Sullivan, dealing with war in a somewhat slapstick fashion. The new lyrics are more satirical of war in general, and warmongering in particular.

[g.d.e.l.g.i.]

Posted: 12/24/14 at 3:49pm

I daresay the rhymes in the new set of lyrics are tighter, and the editing of the song makes it more fast-paced and less likely to wear out its welcome.

[WindyCityActor]

Posted: 12/25/14 at 10:43pm

Thank you so much...I played the role of Charlemagne back in 2000....and I saw the production last year....and I was like "Wha!" But the new lyrics will be very helpful to me!