Why isn't Mommie Dearest a Musical yet?

I WANNA KNOW! Why did you adopt Grey Gardens but not ME??!!!

CHRISTINA!!! CHRISTOPHER!!! Dammit! Carolanne I thought I told you to keep the children OUT of the yard this morning!
Have Tina bring me up my coffee.

Ah but nobody said life was fair.

I'm bigger and I'm faster and I will always beat you.

Updated On: 12/11/08 at 12:03 AM

I vaguely remember the movie being turned into something of a musical, with a female impersonator as Joan. Very vague.

I'm pretty sure I had a conversation about this subject over the summer. It would actually work quite well in a musical format, especially if it were kind of campy. That'd be fun.

---

I AM SO GLAD YOU BROUGHT THIS UP! It'd be a hilarious gay camp hit off-bway, I'm sure. Maybe something Charles Busch could helm?

If you'll permit me to digress: I must must must share with you something that happened over the weekend. Each year prior to the NYC Gay Men's Chorus performing at Carnegie Hall, we take a weekend retreat upstate. The Saturday night is highlighted by something called the "No Talent Show" where GMC members present HILARIOUS and oftentimes VERY well-put-together variety pieces.

This year, a chorus member presented a VERY funny musical version of a scene from MOMMIE DEAREST to the tune "Thina Singu" (a South African song the Chorus sang this summer). He retitled it "Tina, Sing Who?" and completely rewrote the lyrics as movie-dialogue.

The joke is that in the South African song, there's a lyric that is repeated: "Washa washa washa"... so naturally, he recreated the bathroom scene where Tina has to "washa" the bathroom tile.

LISTEN/WATCH: This is how the REAL African song goes...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OsRD0WfbCig
Thina singu meh lu vatai oh
Washa washa washa
(stomp-stomp)
Hey Thina! Hey Thina!
Yeh bo thina.

ALTERED LYRICS:
Tina come and clean up the tile!
Washa washa washa!
(clap-clap of bristle brushes/buckets)
Hey Tina! Hey Tina!
Clean-up Tina!

He wore the Joan Crawford make-up and buns and robe. Other chorus members were dressed as Christina (1 in red and 4 back-up dancers in blue with blonde wigs and wire hangers around their necks). And cleaning powder being sprinkled all over the stage.

We were CRACKING UP! It really took being there to get the joke (and to get the song-reference) but here are some photos:

Updated On: 12/11/08 at 12:55 AM

Because they havent seen me do Faye doing Joan yet?

"No wire hangers!" (dramatic horn flourish)

"This floor is not clean
This floor is not clean"

(as the last note is belted, the scene ends with the characters disappearing in a cloud of cleanser, act one finale)

Updated On: 12/11/08 at 01:27 AM

Tina !!!! Bring me the Axe !!!

Well, to answer seriously, one reason why it's not a musical is because anyone who wanted to write one would need to get the rights from Christina Crawford and she's not likely to give them.

Of course, someone could write a musical about Joan and Christina without crediting the book as the primary source, but if a significant amount of material from the book was used without her permission, she'd probably sue.

Updated On: 12/11/08 at 03:34 AM

Why wouldn't Christina Crawford give someone the rights? That book and movie made her, and she hasn't really done anything since.

---

"Why wouldn't Christina Crawford give someone the rights? That book and movie made her, and she hasn't really done anything since."

She wrote the book seriously. More than likely any musical would be intentionally campy and she wouldn't want that. And at this point no one could write a serious musical of it because the audience wouldn't accept it done that way.

She was unhappy with the movie because she felt it portrayed her too unsympathetically. I'd imagine she eventually became even more unhappy as the movie started to be viewed as pure camp.

Personally, I love the movie and I don't view it as just a campfest. I think it's a brilliant piece of filmmaking on just about every level. But most people do view it as a campfest. I'd guess she's not happy about that. And it's affected the way any musical version would have to be approached.

I think she'd have to be very hard-up for cash to grant the rights.

Updated On: 12/11/08 at 04:12 AM

I'm not mad at you... I'm mad at the dirt.

What if they did it very Sunset Boulevard.... I mean if you think about it Sunset Boulevard (as amazing as the movie is) is to a degree very campy now... but (I feel) they turned the musical into something very great. (I loved the musical)

Maybe they could do it that way or else they could ask the guys who did Jerry Springer : The Opera to do it. They seem to do some amazing work with "contemporary things"

---

I agree it could be done right like Grey which was a cult camp classic. It would take the right team and a great book. You wont get away from the camp no matter what because of 2 things
1. Drama
2. Queens

or 1 thing Drama Queens

but it could be done successfully