20/20- I want to help. Any suggestions?

[SweetQintheLights]

Posted: 10/15/10 at 10:09pm

A portion of 20/20 is about school bullying. I'm nearly crying watching it because it hits so close to home. As posted in another thread, I was CONSTANTLY bullied and have a learning disability. I am also not very socially adept and have trouble making friends. Many times, I came home from school asking my mom to go buy me a gun. Thankfully, I transferred schools...to a school that helped children with learning disabilities, emotional and social problems too.

I can't work due to a medical/psychological issue I am currently going through. I do have a teaching degree and became a teacher because I want to give children an opportunity to learn in a safe environment. An atmosphere where "hate" does not occur. An atmosphere where bullying is nonexistent.

For example: Gym was torture for me, somewhat because I have hypotonia. I was the first one picked on, the last one picked. The gym teacher called me a "beanhead" (yes, it's funny now but in 2nd grade it was horrible!) The children laughed. The gym teacher laughed. I cried. My shoelaces were constantly tied together, glue and rice were thrown in my hair, there were secrets left and right, whispers about my stupidity, always being blamed for someone else’s wrongdoings. While some of that may seem trivial now (and even laughable), it was far from trivial in those elementary school days.

I like to prove my ability and accomplishments to people who didn't think I'd get anywhere in life. Throughout elementary school, I was told that I should just kill myself because I wouldn’t get anywhere in life. In the end, I see it that those bullies gave me the opportunity to be successful because I wanted to prove them wrong. I wanted to show them I could be successful. And you know what? Many of those people who tortured me have low life jobs. Have kids they can’t take care of. Live off of welfare.

The children I teach will not go through what I went through and I will do whatever I have to for all students to be treated with respect and focus on their abilities and accomplishments. I know I only have so much control and I can’t be the cure all, but I can teach them how to respect others and that everyone should be accepted for who they are, what they look like and what they can or can’t do.

Now for the purpose of this thread: I would love to volunteer at a school or even at the home of a child who has been bullied or is being bullied. Just to listen. I know that would have helped me a lot. I didn't always want to hear how to handle them (it just didn't work) but sometimes I just wanted someone to sit there and listen to me. Listen to me complain. Listen to me cry. I never wanted to go to recess because it was a 'playground' for torture. I begged to go inside to help the teacher out. I would have loved to take recess time to talk to someone about being bullied...just to vent. I didn't have that but I want others to.

While at this time I am unable to hold down a job, it would grant me great pleasure to give a bullied child a chance to vent. cry. complain. I'm not a therapist by any means but if they ask for suggestions on how to deal with the bullies, I can give them some but I specifically want to be there for them and for them to understand that someone will always be there to listen and do their best to help. I want them to know "it will get better."


I’ve tried searching but can’t seem to find anything along the lines of mentoring students who are bullied. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to go about finding a way to volunteer either in a school or at the homes of students who are being bullied?

Thank you. And I apologize for the long winded post. I just realized how long it was. I hope it is somewhat comprehensible.

[Dollypop]

Posted: 10/16/10 at 9:46am

You know the saying, "When life deals you lemons, make lemonade"? That's exactly what you're doing here and I commend you for it!

A good place to start might be at your synagogue. I'm sure the rabbi knows of such situations in your community. Word of advice, though: Do your counseling in a public area. You might want to choose the local library, the synagogue or a community center. Do NOT do this behind closed doors. That's inviting another sort of problem.

Good luck!

[SweetQintheLights]

Posted: 10/16/10 at 12:49pm

Thanks Dolly! I worked really hard to get where I am today. Too many times I was sure I couldn't take it any longer. But I trudged through the very muddy waters and am (gladly) here to tell my story.

I do not belong to the synagogue anymore but my parents still do. The Rabbi is very kind and respectable and responds to emails so I think I may email him and ask him if he has any ideas or suggestions.

Thanks again!

Updated On: 10/16/10 at 12:49 PM

[muscle23ftl]

Posted: 10/16/10 at 2:23pm

Thanks for sharing! I was also bullied, but I was afraid of transfering to another school because I knew I would get teased as well.
I second the idea of talking to a rabbi. I also would suggest to approach a principal at any high school in your area(or elementary or middle school)

[muscle23ftl]

Posted: 10/16/10 at 2:24pm

I was bullied for being gay, by the way.

[Dollypop]

Posted: 10/16/10 at 2:34pm

I understand your plight, Sweetie. I suffered my share of bullying as I was growing up but it was partially of my own making. When I was diagnosed as being monocular (one-eyed), I made the decision not to let anyone outside of my family know. My parents were too embarrassed to tell anyone, so that was never an issue.

As a result, I got mocked in gym class, ridiculed in the locker room because of the bruises I always had on one side of my body, jeered in art class because my perspective was off...yada, yada, yada. I chose to keep my mouth shut because I was determined not to let my physical problems get me down. I NEVER wanted to consider myself handicapped. As a result, the bullying rolled right over me. I knew I'd overcome the situation.

I learned to drive, I learned to deal with crowds, I did everything I could to appear "normal" and I think that was a good thing. My eyesight was so bad that I wore glasses OVER contact lenses, otherwise the glasses would have been thicker than the bottoms of Coke bottles.

It wasn't until I had a sneezing fit a few years ago and detached the retina in my "good" eye and I was totally blind. Then, of course, I had to admit I had a physical handicap. My aunts and cousins couldn't believe I'd hidden my blindness from them for so long. Not one of them suspected how bad the situation had been.

Fortunately modern science has improved greatly and I had the retina re-attached AND a synthetic lens was inserted in the good eye (which does all the work). I'm seeing as well as I did 30 years ago and am awaiting another round of surgery in a few months where a certain amount of vision will be restored in my "bad eye". It scares me a bit because I've always seen the world from only one side. I don't know what to expect when I see more of the whole picture.

I'm glad I never let the bullying bother me too much as a kid. What's more, I'm glad I kept my disability quiet as long as I did. It forced me to overcome it as best as I could.

As a result, I'm more sensitive to the needs of the disabled and am spending a good portion of my retirement working with handicapped children. I love every minute of it!!!

[Popular]

Posted: 10/16/10 at 2:35pm

Hi SweetQ

I wanted to quickly add in my 2 cents. First off, I am so sorry for all you went through. It sounds like you handled it with a lot of grace and have come out a stronger person for it.

If you are open to opportunities that don't involve tutoring/teaching, but rather just offering support, you may want to check into volunteering at a children's hospital. The process is a bit lengthy as it is ANY time you work with kids through an agency (at least it was for me: TB tests, criminal background check, basic training/exams) but it is super rewarding.

Best of luck!
Updated On: 10/16/10 at 02:35 PM