Advice needed - do I go out of town to meet him?
Advice needed - do I go out of town to meet him?
Chorus Member Joined: 5/20/03
Advice needed - do I go out of town to meet him?#0
Posted: 10/6/04 at 2:39pm
Hi. I am not sure what I should do. I recently made contact with a man through gayintros.com. He seems really nice and he really seems interested in me. The problem - he lives in upstate NY, 3 hours by train.
He says he wants to start as friends and see how it goes - great by me. He also said a weekend together would be the best way to get to know one another. He did not indicate that I had to go up there but did mention that the foliage upstate is beautiful this time of year (which I know it is).
I would like to get to know him and would not mind a long distance friendship/relationship but how would you proceed? It is important to note I live with my mother, so it is not like I can invite him to come to the city and stay with us when we never met. Matter of fact, I wouldn't do that if I lived alone either.
I guess I should say I am very open to meeting but want to be catious at the beginning and see his reaction. If he is reasonable, he should understand right?
Thank you.
James
re: Advice needed - do I go out of town to meet him?#1
Posted: 10/6/04 at 2:46pm
Please clarify--
'just out of school and looking for a job' living with my mother
or
'Norman Bates is my role model' living with my mother...
re: Advice needed - do I go out of town to meet him?#2
Posted: 10/6/04 at 2:48pmpick somewhere in the middle to meet -- make it in public and see what happens from there -- just be safe, sane and have fun!
Broadway Legend Joined: 4/15/04
re: Advice needed - do I go out of town to meet him?#3
Posted: 10/6/04 at 2:49pmDo not go. Do not go. I can't stress it enough.
re: Advice needed - do I go out of town to meet him?#4
Posted: 10/6/04 at 2:50pmAnyone remember the recurring MadTV dating sketch "Lowered Expectations"? The theme song's in my head now after reading that post.
re: Advice needed - do I go out of town to meet him?#5
Posted: 10/6/04 at 2:50pmListen to Dame! DO NOT GO!
re: Advice needed - do I go out of town to meet him?#6
Posted: 10/6/04 at 2:52pmI disagree guys -- if he lives upsate (let's say Albany) -- meet for lunch or dinner inthe middle to see if there is a connection -- don't misinterpret me -- I am not saying book a room in Lake George or something and invite him over -- but what harm (other than train fare and meal $$) is there in meeting???
Broadway Legend Joined: 4/15/04
re: Advice needed - do I go out of town to meet him?#7
Posted: 10/6/04 at 2:52pmI am going to say this one more time. DO NOT GO.
re: Advice needed - do I go out of town to meet him?#8
Posted: 10/6/04 at 2:54pmUndi -- I missed the weekend together part --- silly me was thinking of the romantics of meeting someone new!
Broadway Legend Joined: 9/9/04
re: Advice needed - do I go out of town to meet him?#9
Posted: 10/6/04 at 2:56pmI need to know your age and background before giving you advice. But so far.. it does not sound like a good idea.
Joined: 12/31/69
re: Advice needed - do I go out of town to meet him?#10
Posted: 10/6/04 at 2:56pm
Dame and I agree on something!
DO NOT GO. DO NOT GO.
re: Advice needed - do I go out of town to meet him?#11
Posted: 10/6/04 at 2:56pmI still stand by my first thought -- go meet for lunch somewhere in the middle!
re: Advice needed - do I go out of town to meet him?#12
Posted: 10/6/04 at 2:58pmSounds like Friends of BWW are going on a date...we can be James' chaperones. Meet in NYC and at least 6 of us will go to dinner with the 2 of you...of course he'll pay for everything.
re: Advice needed - do I go out of town to meet him?#13
Posted: 10/6/04 at 2:58pmHow old are you? How old is he? Have you seen photo's? Do they seem genuine? Have you talked on the phone? Have you done a google search? If you must meet, make him come to the city. Meet him at a very crowded Starbucks. Tell a friend where you are going and when. Call the friend before and after.
Broadway Legend Joined: 4/15/04
re: Advice needed - do I go out of town to meet him?#14
Posted: 10/6/04 at 2:59pmBut at least he shouldn't go alone. Not if he is going out of town to meet someone hehas never met.
re: advice needed - do i go out of town to meet him?#15
Posted: 10/6/04 at 3:02pm
thank you, margo, i'll now have that damn theme song running through my head for the rest of the day!
if you decide to go, please leave someone with your particulars, y'know, blood type, a dna sample and dental records, fingerprints, etc, so you'll be easy to id when they find whatever pieces eventually turn up.
meet him if you must in a public place, in your town, on your turf with no expectation of anything more than coffee or dinner and maybe a movie. then if you find him so irresistably charming that you cannot control yourself, get a hotel room. but again, i still suggest leaving the particulars with someone.
...global warming can manifest itself as heat, cool, precipitation, storms, drought, wind, or any other phenomenon, much like a shapeshifter. -- jim geraghty
pray to st. jude
i'm a sonic reducer
he was the gimmicky sort
fenchurch=mejusthavingfun=magwildwood=mmousefan=bkcollector=bradmajors=somethingtotalkabout: the fenchurch mpd collective
re: advice needed - do i go out of town to meet him?#16
Posted: 10/6/04 at 3:04pmDame is right...do not go alone !!! Plus...always make sure a friend knows where you're going...give them address' and phone numbers...this is always the thing to do when meeting a stranger, alone especially.
re: advice needed - do i go out of town to meet him?#17
Posted: 10/6/04 at 3:23pmI think we have scared JL away....
re: advice needed - do i go out of town to meet him?#18
Posted: 10/6/04 at 3:33pm
That's what he gets for asking our generation. 
Broadway Legend Joined: 5/18/04
re: advice needed - do i go out of town to meet him?#19
Posted: 10/6/04 at 3:36pm
Don't Go.
If you must go, don't go alone.
Don't go with only one other friend.
Bring a small group.
Don't make plans for a weekend - start with coffee.
You cannot be too careful!
Broadway Legend Joined: 5/20/03
re: advice needed - do i go out of town to meet him?#20
Posted: 10/6/04 at 3:40pm
NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW!
There are people who do this all the time...and some even end up getting married.
But you can NEVER be too careful in a situation like this.
Broadway Legend Joined: 5/18/04
re: advice needed - do i go out of town to meet him?#21
Posted: 10/6/04 at 3:42pm
Coming to the city would be a great idea for him. You could go see a show or have dinner and whether you go there or he comes to the city, I would think you'd be using third party lodging (a hotel or a friend) rather than staying together...way too intimate and committed...way too soon.
Sounds like a trip to the city would be the way to go unless you have a burning desire to go upstate for the foliage and IF YOU DO...I'd stay at a hotel.
Broadway Legend Joined: 5/31/04
re: advice needed - do i go out of town to meet him?#22
Posted: 10/6/04 at 3:45pmI'm with SOMMS on this one- crowded place in the city and make sure a friend knows what you're doing.
re: advice needed - do i go out of town to meet him?#24
Posted: 10/6/04 at 4:00pmcareful does NOT have to mean paranoid -- I'm like midtown -- I would have never met anyone when AOL first started picking up if I asked you all!
re: advice needed - do i go out of town to meet him?#25
Posted: 10/6/04 at 4:05pm
OK now for some mom advice... You really shouldn't go (just does not sound safe.)BUT if you do go DO NOT GO ALONE! meet for lunch somewhere in the middle. WE just want you to be safe, and there are alot of creeps out there.
mom ( and why don't you call more often? tee hee. Always wanted to say that!)
Videos
