American Airlines Plane brought down by Flatulence

Posted: 12/5/06 at 3:15pm

Flatulence brought 99 passengers on an American Airlines flight to an unscheduled visit to Nashville early Monday morning.

American Flight 1053, from Washington Reagan National Airport and bound for Dallas/Fort Worth, made an emergency landing here after passengers reported smelling struck matches, said Lynne Lowrance, a spokeswoman for the Nashville International Airport Authority.

The plane landed safely. The FBI, Transportation Safety Administration and airport authority responded to the emergency, Lowrance said.

The passengers and five crew members were brought off the plane, together with all the luggage, to go through security checks again. Bomb-sniffing dogs found spent matches.

The FBI questioned a passenger who admitted she struck the matches in an attempt to conceal body odor, Lowrance said. The woman lives near Dallas and has a medical condition.


All they smelled was the matches? Lucky lucky.

She Dealt, they Smelt Updated On: 12/5/06 at 03:15 PM

[SweetQintheLights]

Posted: 12/5/06 at 3:16pm

ROFL!

If that weren't real, it could be on a joke thread!

[Link Larkin Wanabe]

Posted: 12/5/06 at 3:24pm

The plight of us smelly people will never end.

Akiva

[WOSQ]

Posted: 12/5/06 at 3:55pm

Choice A - flatulence

Choice B - necking homosexuals

Now which would you rather have your American Airlines flight brought down by?

Posted: 12/5/06 at 4:04pm

Why can't we have flatulent necking homsexuals? Why must it be always either/or???

[aspen]

Posted: 12/5/06 at 6:35pm

Wow... I just feel bad for that poor woman =/ How embarrassing.

I'm a pretty girl. I don't burp or poo-poo or do yucky things like that, but I feel sorry for those who do.

[Elphaba]

Posted: 12/5/06 at 6:47pm

"While it is legal to bring as many as four books of paper safety matches onto an aircraft, it is illegal to strike a match in an airplane."

and that in a nutshell explains all that is wrong in this F-ing country. How utterly ridiculous. (that matches are even allowed on a plane)

Posted: 12/5/06 at 6:48pm

Pretty Girls can fart like a trucker. Didn't you ever watch Newlyweds? Jessica Simpson can clear an airplane easy.

[Type_A_Tiff]

Posted: 12/5/06 at 6:51pm

Better yet, that matches are allowed on a plane but lighters aren't. What can lighters do that matches can't??

[Elphaba]

Posted: 12/5/06 at 6:53pm

er, lighters have liquid in them.......a liquid I believe that can cause an explosion.......neither should be allowed.

[The Grovers Corners Yenta]

Posted: 12/5/06 at 7:01pm

" Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome aboard Beano Airlines flight 125 for Dallas/Fort Worth. They have really good chili there. As soon as the ground crew finishes gassing our tanks up, we will be ready take off. Our inflight movie today is BLAZING SADDLES complete with the famous campfire scene. Our meal service today consists of stuffed cabbage, brussels sprouts and onion rings. For your comfort and protection, please wear your oxygen masks at all times during the flight. This is your Captain, Lance Fartz wishing you a pleasant flight."

[orangeskittles]

Posted: 12/5/06 at 7:23pm

"While it is legal to bring as many as four books of paper safety matches onto an aircraft, it is illegal to strike a match in an airplane."

Ugh, I agree Elphaba. You're not allowed to have more than 3-ounces of liquid- water, lotion, shampoo- but you can have more than enough than is capable to start a fire, in closed quarters with pure oxygen and gasoline readily available. Yeah, that makes sense.

[StageManager2]

Posted: 12/5/06 at 8:11pm

LOL@Yenta!

[DottieD'Luscia]

Posted: 12/5/06 at 10:18pm

I wonder if this is the same woman who sat next to Jordan Catalano during a performance of "The Vertical Hour" on November 13th.

[Jane2]

Posted: 12/5/06 at 10:49pm

"I don't burp or poo-poo or do yucky things like that, but I feel sorry for those who do."

LOL, I feel sorry for YOU. You don't do poo-poo? You're probably so full of $hit that you're ready to explode any minute! I'd hate to be on your plane, LOL! POWZOOM!

Also, post a picture. Let us be the judge of whether or not you're pretty.

[StageManager2]

Posted: 12/5/06 at 11:00pm

For what it's worth, Jane2, I don't flatulate/defecate either.

[Jane2]

Posted: 12/5/06 at 11:05pm

Haha, neither did my father.

[TheatreDiva90016]

Posted: 12/5/06 at 11:14pm

I used to hold in my farts until I got home, then I'd just blow myself around the room. After I got caught up in the drapes, I stopped.

Now I fart freely in public.

[nomdeplume]

Posted: 12/5/06 at 11:26pm

TheatreDiva, we should all heed the advice of your experience.

No doubt you fart roses and are welcome at the finest salons to share your gift to discriminating noses.

As for the femme in the plane. If methane gas from chickensh*t can power things, perhaps there is an easy source for future fuel that has not been well enough considered.

[StageManager2]

Posted: 12/5/06 at 11:29pm

"No doubt you fart roses and are welcome at the finest salons to share your gift to discriminating noses."

Is that a poem?

[Jane2]

Posted: 12/5/06 at 11:34pm

Sounds like a country music song.

[nomdeplume]

Posted: 12/5/06 at 11:46pm

Oh, his farting done me wro-o-ong!

[Type_A_Tiff]

Posted: 12/6/06 at 2:15am

Potentially idiotic question, but CAN the liquid from lighters cause explosions or is it more of a catalyst that strengthens a fire? Either way, for matches to be allowed and lighters to be banned is ridiculous. Ban them both! (And this is coming from a smoker who's forgotten to stick her lighter in her check-in luggage and then having it confiscated at security!)

[Link Larkin Wanabe]

Posted: 12/6/06 at 2:51am

Tiff,

I ALWAYS get my lighter confiscated. I always totally forget that I haev one buried somewhere in my carry-on bag.

Akiva

[Type_A_Tiff]

Posted: 12/6/06 at 3:00am

It's happened to me twice now. I was so dumbfounded when I went into the past-security smokers' lounge and saw people with matches. I was going, "You must've stuck them in your shoe, right, you clever boy?!"