BAD JOKE THREAD ( inspired by Boobs} — Page 2

Do you have holes in your underware?

No!

Then how do you get your legs through?

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Mr Roxy you and I must be from the same generation. Moron jokes were the first I ever remember.

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You're a year older than I am.

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Updated On: 2/4/09 at 06:18 PM

Radiana

I thought Dolly was the only other ultra old fart on the board. I feel much better now.

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(This is from an e-mail my aunt sent me.)

Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.

A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.'

Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000.

The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money.

Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Super Wal-Mart store. There, he surprised her in the produce department & proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands as the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath & slumped to the floor........

The manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras & observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught & arrested before he could even leave the store.

Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.

The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared...

"ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 AT WAL-MART!"

A little old man shuffled slowly into the "Orange Dipper," an ice cream parlor in Naples, and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "hemorrhoids."


Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch in Bonita Springs, doing nothing. One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?" The other replies, "Oh sure I do." The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?" The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver." After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"


(My grandfather's favorite joke.)
Two hookers are standing on a street corner when one turns to the other and asks, "Have you ever been picked up by 'The Fuzz'?"
"Yeah!" replies the other hooker, "and it hurt like hell!"

A bad joke courtesy of Daniel Radcliffe (read aloud in a British accent for full effect):

How does Bob Marley like his donuts?

Wi' jam in!

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What did the horny toad say?

Rubbit Rubbit

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What is yellow, weighs 1000 pounds & goes chirp chirp?

2 500 pound canaries.

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What's big, green, fuzzy, has 4 legs, and if it fell out of a tree, it would kill you?

A pool table!



Why can't Bob ride a bike?

Because Bob's a fish!

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Q: Knock-Knock
A: Who's there?
Q: Interupting Cow
A: Inter-
Q: MOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! (shouted at top of lungs)


What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.


What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
A bad golfer goes WHACK; Damn!


what do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on the wall?
art


what do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the water?
bob


... and my favorite -

How do you catch a unique wild rabbit?
Unique up on it.

How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way, unique up on it

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Updated On: 2/7/09 at 08:32 AM

Ha! That one took me a minute. I like it.

How do you get an elephant in a rerfrigerator?
Open the door, put the elephant in and close it.

How do you get a giraffe in a refrigerator?
(Open the door, put the giraffe in, and close it?)
NO! You have to take the elephant out first!

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Another Irish one from one who is himself Irish

What is an Irish 7 course meal ?
A 6 pack & a potato

What is the thinnest book in the world?
Great Irish chefs.

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