Liam, you won't be able to stay in the top bunk if you continue to get fat. You wouldn't want the top bunk to collapse from all your weight and come crashing down on your friend. You might kill him that way.
Liam, you say that yoour friend understands that you wet the bed. You do realize that if you're wetting the bed from the top bunk, yoour roommate might be awaked by a rather unsavory sort of drizzle, don't you?
DP - either he's a 'little tyke' or someone that you make remarks to about 'preparing for action with a consenting adult' - one or the other. But the thought that you feel comfortable embracing them both is a little unnerving.