Bill Maher's Letter to Dubya

[Garland Grrrl]

Posted: 9/13/05 at 11:56am

In case you missed HBO’s “Late Night with Bill Maher,” here was his open letter to the President:

Mr. President, this job can't be fun for you any more. There's no more money to spend--you used up all of that. You can't start another war because you used up the army. And now, darn the luck, the rest of your term has become the Bush family nightmare: helping poor people. Listen to your Mom. The cupboard's bare, the credit cards maxed out. No one's speaking to you. Mission accomplished.

Now it's time to do what you've always done best: lose interest and walk away. Like you did with your military service and the oil company and the baseball team. It's time. Time to move on and try the next fantasy job. How about cowboy or space man? Now I know what you're saying: there's so many other things that you as President could involve yourself in. Please don't. I know, I know. There's a lot left to do. There's a war with Venezuela. Eliminating the sales tax on yachts. Turning the space program over to the church. And Social Security to Fannie Mae. Giving embryos the vote.

But, Sir, none of that is going to happen now. Why? Because you govern like Billy Joel drives. You've performed so poorly I'm surprised that you haven't given yourself a medal. You're a catastrophe that walks like a man. Herbert Hoover was a ****ty president, but even he never conceded an entire city to rising water and snakes.

On your watch, we've lost almost all of our allies, the surplus, four airliners, two trade centers, a piece of the Pentagon and the City of New Orleans. Maybe you're just not lucky. I'm not saying you don't love this country. I'm just wondering how much worse it could be if you were on the other side.

So, yes, God does speak to you. What he is saying is: “Take a hint.”

[MargoChanning]

Posted: 9/13/05 at 11:59am

Brilliant.

[xxnewgirlxx]

Posted: 9/13/05 at 12:02pm

Bill Maher is my hero.

"Why is it that after 9/11, the only person that lost their job...was ME?"-Bill Maher

[Rathnait62]

Posted: 9/13/05 at 12:02pm

He probably drives like Billy Joel too, come to think of it.

[SonofMammaMiaSam]

Posted: 9/13/05 at 12:05pm

Well, we know his wife does.

[lildogs]

Posted: 9/13/05 at 12:35pm

I knew she was the one with her hand on the uh, stick shift...

[JerseyGirl2]

Posted: 9/13/05 at 12:38pm

I have always loved Bill Maher. (Except when he equated mentally challenged children with dogs) I saw this show and coculdn't have agreed more.

[jrb_actor]

Posted: 9/13/05 at 1:39pm

That was such a great show. George Carlin was so freaking honest!

[bwaysinger]

Posted: 9/13/05 at 1:52pm

Wow. I hope there's a video clip of him delivering that somewhere...

[MagicToDo82]

Posted: 9/13/05 at 2:32pm

Bill Maher for president:) That was such a great letter, I logged in purely to express my love for it.

[Unknown User]

Posted: 9/13/05 at 2:44pm

Bill for president? No.

I saw George Carlin's son perform a few months ago. He's so freakin' perverted. It was pretty nasty.

I left during the middle of it.

[jrb_actor]

Posted: 9/13/05 at 2:45pm

I didn't know that Carlin had a son in the business! I'll have to check that out!

[SorryGrateful]

Posted: 9/13/05 at 3:01pm

"On your watch, we've lost almost all of our allies, the surplus, four airliners, two trade centers, a piece of the Pentagon and the City of New Orleans."

Ha! I hadn't thought of it in those terms, but that's funny. And scary.

[Full Metal Jacket]

Posted: 9/13/05 at 3:15pm

George Carlin's son is awful and not funny at all. He uses crude jokes, in which immature kids will find funny (mostly about sex) and the more grown up people find disgusting and uncouth.

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 9/13/05 at 11:08pm

"He uses crude jokes, in which immature kids will find funny (mostly about sex) and the more grown up people find disgusting and uncouth."

Your attempt at writing a grown-up sounding sentence just flopped huge time. One might say it was exceedingly uncouth.

[ghostlight2]

Posted: 9/14/05 at 12:01am

WTF, Namo?

Bwaysinger, try www.politicalhumor.about.com/b/a/201898.htm#more. Sorry I can't directly link it.

[Auggie27]

Posted: 9/14/05 at 7:49am

And as we just learned (via Newsweek and Maureen Dowd), he was shown a DVD of news reports on Air Force One, en route to the Gulf Coast. WTF, did he not even turn on the TV? We know he doesn't read newspapers, but he doesn't watch any news? Even ESPN, his channel of choice, covered Katrina.

What's doubly offensive is how the White House is now scrambling to demonstrate compassionate conservatism in action -- not so much to help "folks," but as John Stewart reported, to lift W's approval rating.

Never has policy been so clearly revealed as public relations. Cynically, one can only imagine: if his numbers were up, Brownie would be in place, and Bush would've made one photo op tour, post the CD viewing, not 4.

[thetheatrekook]

Posted: 9/14/05 at 8:59am

here's a vid clip of it:

http://www.crooksandliars.com/2005/09/10.html#a4892

[Unknown User]

Posted: 9/14/05 at 9:12am

Kook - thanks for the link! I've read it, but it certainly takes on a new life when you hear him say it out loud!