Catholic Jokes!- Page 3

[StageManager2]

Posted: 12/5/06 at 11:45am

I'm miffed that my joke was deleted.

BTW: I'm a Catholic by birth. No longer practicing, obviously.

[doodlenyc]

Posted: 12/5/06 at 11:47am

SM, that proves that the Pope is a moderator here!

[CJR]

Posted: 12/5/06 at 11:56am

Oooh boy. Alright. Im Catholic. Born, rasied, went through the applicable sacraments to date, used to cantor for my church, spent my formative years in Catholic school, Catholic.

I find absolutely no offense to Catholic jokes. Sure, there are jokes you can hear and say "oooof low blow." But that goes for blonde jokes, dirty jokes.... any kind of joke. I don't sit here and say Oh my GOD that's so offensive. Someone is always going to poke fun at SOMETHING. Why should a joke that someone else tells (which by the way, most of the ones I've heard are pretty hysterical) have any effect on your personal faith and beliefs? They're not challenging you. They're not telling you you're wrong for what you believe in. What does it matter?

Typically I wont discuss religion for this very reason. Im a very laid back Catholic. Devout in the faith I have, don't get me wrong, but I also don't believe for a moment that everything I was taught in Catholic school is correct; the be all, end all. It's not. For instance, Friday is a Holy Day of Obligation for the Immaculate Conception. We were taught in Catholic school that only the conception of Jesus was a miracle. Not that Mary was pregnant one day and delivering 3 weeks later. It's impossible for Jesus to have been born on Christmas Day.


You have to admit, as Catholics, some of the things we were taught are not only less than accurate, but they're also outdated.

I believe love is love. And if you're gay and Catholic, God loves you anyway.

I believe if you are in a bad marriage and you get divorced that you shouldnt have to go through the process of an anullment just to be viewed graciously in the eyes of the church again.

I don't believe that I should have to give 20% of my income to the church just to prove how important a part of my life God is. I think that's crap.

I don't believe that you have to attend church every week in order to BE a good Catholic. You can pray anywhere -- God is always listening.


And SOMMS, I totally agree with everything you said in your last post.

[RobbO]

Posted: 12/5/06 at 12:15pm

i have a catholic joke for ya:

RTfan.

[SonofMammaMiaSam]

Posted: 12/5/06 at 12:16pm

Now see, I'm Catholic and I just peed myself.

[chicolini]

Posted: 12/5/06 at 1:10pm

Not to nitpick or anything, but the Immaculate Conception refers to Mary being born without original sin, not the conception of Jesus.

Carry on with the jokes.
Immaculate Conception

[StageManager2]

Posted: 12/5/06 at 1:25pm

I knew that!

[CJR]

Posted: 12/5/06 at 1:28pm

Yeah, I know. I realized it after I posted it. This is what happens when I try to answer the phone, listen to my boss argue with someone, process invoices AND type a cohesive, well thought out post lol

[SonofMammaMiaSam]

Posted: 12/5/06 at 1:31pm

you wearing your dirty little catholic school girl uniform cjr

channels papa

[doodlenyc]

Posted: 12/5/06 at 1:34pm

No offense to those of you who practice Catholocism, please, but I just cant buy the "I'm Catholic, but disagree with certain aspects of it" idea, which is why I had to leave the church. Growing up it was very clearly "their way or the highway to hell" and that is just unacceptable to me. Why have rules that damn you to hell if they can be bent?

[StageManager2]

Posted: 12/5/06 at 1:38pm

... if they can be bent? No pun intended, I'm sure.

[doodlenyc]

Posted: 12/5/06 at 1:40pm

Always a pun inteded with me, SM2.

[CJR]

Posted: 12/5/06 at 1:48pm

Doodle, it may not have worked for you, but it works for me. It was just my own personal beliefs that I was talking about. It's not like I went to my priest and told him that this was what I was choosing to believe... Im pretty sure he'd have a thing or two to say about that.

If you look at my upbringing -- the nuns, strict devout catholic godmother, lax catholic parents -- you could say that what I was taught really ran the gamut. Taking all that in, I was able to find my own way, become devout in my own beliefs, and dismiss that which insults my soul. Thus far, it hasn't steered me wrong.

And SOMMS, yes, I was. There's a reason why my ex called me a naughty catholic school girl

[doodlenyc]

Posted: 12/5/06 at 1:54pm

I'm very glad it works for you CJR, truly...it still works for some of my family as well, all of whom I love and love me.

What I couldnt get past was listening and being led by a priest who thought I should go to hell, and who felt that God didnt make me gay, when I knew he did...I felt like a hypocrite and could never get over that.

[DG]

Posted: 12/5/06 at 1:56pm

Why am I not surprised that CJR was raised to 'fall on her knees'?

[doodlenyc]

Posted: 12/5/06 at 2:04pm

I was taught that homosexuality was a sin...and that you'd go to hell if you were a practicing homosexual.

That's changed in the Catholic church's eyes?

If not, then I can't call myself a Catholic.

[CJR]

Posted: 12/5/06 at 2:18pm

This could be why Ive always had problems attending a Catholic church other than my own. My church has always been a bit more progressive..... my priest never getting 'high and mighty' (pardon the pun) during sermons. He never preached so you'd hear him.... he preached so you'd listen. He's never gone on about all those things I find myself vehemently disagreeing with, which is what makes me adore my church. I go into some of the other catholic churches in my area and find myself wondering how the congregation can sit there and listen to their priest's drivel week after week.

Doodle, although that is what the Catholic church teaches, I am so sorry you weren't a member of my congregation (or another like it). We have a whole bunch of practicing catholics who are also homosexuals. Monsignor knows -- he takes no issue with it. He said once that we're all there with the same intent; to worship and give thanks to God. And that as long as you are a decent, kind and compassionate human being, God will love you and have mercy on you no matter what. (not at all preaching -- I dont get preachy when it comes to religion, everyone is entitled to how they feel and what they practice)

See, this is why I enjoy my church lol

And DG, thanks. Total spit take haha

Updated On: 12/5/06 at 02:18 PM

[chicolini]

Posted: 12/5/06 at 2:20pm

No, you're ok as a homosexual, doodle. The Church just gets mad if you partake in any homosexual activity, same as anybody else outside of marriage. Just get married and everything will be... oh wait, that won't work. They won't let you.

All complaining aside, the thing that gets me around any conflicts between church teachings and my own moral compass is that the church is made up of people and people do make mistakes, even if they are ordained to the ministry. My hope is that somewhere down the line they realize this and make the Catholic Church truly a place of compassion and community.

Even Galileo got an apology - eventually. Yeah, it was 300 years too late, but I like to think that by staying in the Church and trying to help it find change from the inside, maybe I can help accelerate the process.

[Bluemoon]

Posted: 12/5/06 at 2:21pm

Dollypop had a great line that his parish priest gave him about being gay. I've tried the "search function" looking for it, but it doesn't seem to pop up. Anyway, Dollypop is a great example of someone who is gay and Catholic and embraces both these facets of his being with equal joy. He, as many of us do, makes a distinction between faith and "church rules". He sees a broad picture and it enriches his life. I think this is what CJR was also saying. It's why we can say that we don't have to agree with everything and still be Catholic.

The US government can drive me to drink and I certainly don't agree with many of its laws and policies, but I'm still proud to be an American. It's sort of the same thing.

Well, that and a personal experience which is best left to another thread.

So......any other good jokes?

[TheatreDiva90016]

Posted: 12/5/06 at 2:27pm

I’m a practicing homosexual. And you know what they say, ‘Practice makes Perfect’!



Maybe I should go do some practicing now.....

[CJR]

Posted: 12/5/06 at 2:32pm

chicolini, that would be a wonderful notion if all catholic churches were as accepting as some. Most are still stuck in the dark ages and like it that way.... in some ways, it's almost easier to throw your hands up and say you can't fight city hall.

Even for as progressive as my priest and congregation is, I still get that old school kind of crap from people like my Godmother.

Kind of on topic but kind of not.... About 4 1/2 years ago, I was working at a bank and dating this great guy. It was Christmas time and I was in the mall shopping when I ran into my godmother. She sings with a local Chorale here and they were performing that Saturday. She had a break between mini concerts while a dance troupe performed, so we sat, talked and caught up. I told her all about my boyfriend (who, btw, was black. That's pertinent to the story) and how I was bringing him to the company christmas party and blah blah blah. And my godmother, the one who had brought me up telling me never to judge someone by the color of their skin, always to be proud of myself and the company I keep, and to never cave to conformity, sat there and "advised me" that it might not be wise to take my then bf to the christmas party. That some of the older board members at the bank might take issue with it and thus take it out on me in the workplace. Mind you, that would be a lawsuit waiting to happen (and she's a world renowned corporate litigator).

I didnt wind up taking my BF to the christmas party... Soley because we'd broken up a week prior. Even though I wanted SO badly to prove my godmother wrong, I couldnt bring myself to play nice with him for the evening (he was controlling and the relationship on a whole had gotten VERY bad VERY quickly). When I saw her a few weeks later, she asked if I had taken him. I told her no -- and before I could even explain that we'd broken up and that was why I hadn't taken him she said "Good, I was hoping you'd see where I was coming from."

I wanted SO badly to scream at her, smack her, something to get her to think straight.... but I had way too much respect for her, even after those comments.

Eh. That's my story. See? Some people are still stuck in the dark ages. Boo them.

Updated On: 12/5/06 at 02:32 PM

[RobbO]

Posted: 12/5/06 at 2:46pm

moony, you want us to embrace the church of dollypop? and throw in words to describe it like "joy" and "enrichment" ?

is that the punchline or the set-up?

[Bluemoon]

Posted: 12/5/06 at 2:50pm

Folks ain't always what they appear to be on a message board, my friend.

[RobbO]

Posted: 12/5/06 at 2:51pm

truer words have never been spoken but i think embracing the church of dollypop real or imaginary is still a tough sell.

[SonofMammaMiaSam]

Posted: 12/5/06 at 2:53pm

but perhaps gives the title of this thread a new twist