Closet cases using girls as covers-- Is it wrong?
Closet cases using girls as covers-- Is it wrong?
Parks
Broadway Legend Joined: 10/5/04
#1Closet cases using girls as covers-- Is it wrong?
Posted: 4/25/07 at 9:29pm
So, I have a friend who is a closet case (no, it's not me). He lives 2 lives. One life in his hometown--he is "straight" to everyone there. He even has a girl that he is using as a cover.
In his other life, he is gay. He spends almost every weekend in another city located about 30 minutes from his town. He has a boyfriend and has many gay friends. He tells these friends that this girl in his hometown thinks they are together, as if she is the stupid one, believing that they're an item, when really--he leads her on. He, of course, doesn't tell her that he isn't interested/gay.
I sent him a message today telling him my thoughts on all of this--and I think using a girl as a cover to seem "straighter" is just wrong.
My question : Is it wrong for gays to use girls as covers or is it ok in some situations?
husk_charmer
Broadway Legend Joined: 10/19/06
#2re: Closet cases using girls as covers-- Is it wrong?
Posted: 4/25/07 at 9:33pmI don't agree with it, but I can see if she KNOWS your gay using one...I know I do. Thanks Mom and Dad...
Parks
Broadway Legend Joined: 10/5/04
#2re: Closet cases using girls as covers-- Is it wrong?
Posted: 4/25/07 at 9:34pm
Yeah, that's something I was thinking of putting in there.
OK--is it ok if the girl does NOT know?
#3re: Closet cases using girls as covers-- Is it wrong?
Posted: 4/25/07 at 9:36pm
How old is he?
Some people do what they do to create the balance of life. I'm all up for being who you are, but if that's what he has to do, then that's him.
Cruel_Sandwich
Broadway Legend Joined: 6/30/05
#5re: Closet cases using girls as covers-- Is it wrong?
Posted: 4/25/07 at 9:38pmYou mean Mark is gay?
FindingNamo
Broadway Legend Joined: 7/22/03
#6re: Closet cases using girls as covers-- Is it wrong?
Posted: 4/25/07 at 9:41pmGod. Did we learn nothing from Another Gay Movie?
#7re: Closet cases using girls as covers-- Is it wrong?
Posted: 4/25/07 at 9:45pm
well, in that situation, i'd say it's wrong, especially since the girl does not know that he's only using her as a cover.
i "dated" a friend of mine before he came out. i was well aware that he was gay. the two of us would laugh about it and wonder how many people really thyought we were together.
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#8re: Closet cases using girls as covers-- Is it wrong?
Posted: 4/25/07 at 9:47pmGet better friends or learn to mind your own business.
#9re: Closet cases using girls as covers-- Is it wrong?
Posted: 4/25/07 at 9:57pm
Wait... the girl doesn't know he's gay?
Poor girl
#10re: Closet cases using girls as covers-- Is it wrong?
Posted: 4/25/07 at 9:57pm
Wait... the girl doesn't know he's gay?
Poor girl
#11re: Closet cases using girls as covers-- Is it wrong?
Posted: 4/25/07 at 10:01pm
Yeah...if the girl knows, I'd say it's OK...however, she can only put up with it for so long. Otherwise, it's absolutely not OK. But if he's not ready to be himself, no one can really force him to be, you know? Tough situation.
RadiGal2
Broadway Legend Joined: 2/8/07
#12re: Closet cases using girls as covers-- Is it wrong?
Posted: 4/25/07 at 10:10pm
What about women who use boys as cover? for some odd reason I attract the 25-27 year olds, and people who don't what to see what's pretty obvious are so distracted by the age difference that they never seem to notice the lack of intimacy or the revolving door they come (not literally)-and go through.
My oldest son thinks it flat out hysterical on many levels.
C is for Company
Broadway Legend Joined: 7/16/05
#13re: Closet cases using girls as covers-- Is it wrong?
Posted: 4/25/07 at 10:46pmI personally find it very disrespectful not only to the girl, but manipulating another person's love for their own selfish image. I think it is quite wrong. One thing to be in the closet and want it to stay that way, but it is very different when you use other people to feed this fantasy.
#14re: Closet cases using girls as covers-- Is it wrong?
Posted: 4/25/07 at 11:00pmI think people need time to come out...I mean it is a little mean to use a girl...but it can be hard for some people to come to terms.
Parks
Broadway Legend Joined: 10/5/04
#15re: Closet cases using girls as covers-- Is it wrong?
Posted: 4/25/07 at 11:05pm
BigFatBlonde, wouldn't you want to know if your relationship with the perfect person was a lie?
It's not like I talking to him about this daily. This is the first time I've really said anything about it to him. He's 17. It's not like he's this very timid, shy boy. He's very outspoken...which is another reason for why I don't believe he should be doing this. He could get along just fine being "the gay boy" in his town.
Parks
Broadway Legend Joined: 10/5/04
#16re: Closet cases using girls as covers-- Is it wrong?
Posted: 4/25/07 at 11:06pm
Right--not everyone is ready to come out--and that's not what this thread is about, don't get me wrong. I understand that some people just aren't comfortable enough with it, and that's definitely something that takes time.
All I was talking about was using somebody as a cover and if it was wrong...
#17re: Closet cases using girls as covers-- Is it wrong?
Posted: 4/25/07 at 11:08pm
Which town is it? If you don't want to share on the board, PM me.
At 17, it and it sounds like it may be a small town, I can expect him to be a little scared about being open. I wrote a character like this, once, named Ben. He was 17, hot football jock, and wanted to keep his reputation.
It's his life. It's his decision. If he wants to wreck it, fine. But that's not our call.
C is for Company
Broadway Legend Joined: 7/16/05
#18re: Closet cases using girls as covers-- Is it wrong?
Posted: 4/25/07 at 11:11pmThis thread isn't about forcing people who aren't ready to come out. This is about one person negatively manipulating another for their own gain. Whether in business, social life, or romance, it is wrong! It may help them out or whatever they feel it might be doing for them, but it still is not fair to the girl who at the end of the day is deceived.
BroadwayGirl107
Broadway Legend Joined: 8/26/03
#19re: Closet cases using girls as covers-- Is it wrong?
Posted: 4/25/07 at 11:11pmAbsolutely not OK; not sure what twisted mind would think it IS alright to toy with someone's feelings like that...
FindingNamo
Broadway Legend Joined: 7/22/03
#20re: Closet cases using girls as covers-- Is it wrong?
Posted: 4/25/07 at 11:12pm
"All I was talking about was using somebody as a cover and if it was wrong..."
What do you think? Seriously. You have to ask?
#21re: Closet cases using girls as covers-- Is it wrong?
Posted: 4/26/07 at 12:44amIt is very simple to me: if the girl knows, it's their business. If she doesn't, he's a ****ing jerk.
#22re: Closet cases using girls as covers-- Is it wrong?
Posted: 4/26/07 at 4:27am
"Closet cases using girls as covers-- Is it wrong?"
if by "cover," you mean "human shield," then no.
PED
#23re: Closet cases using girls as covers-- Is it wrong?
Posted: 4/26/07 at 7:40am
I've been used before, once I knew (and I actually was dating someone else at the time) and once I didn't, and it pissed me off.
My gaydar has gotten much better since then, so I don't see it happening without my knowledge again.
But yeah, it's f*cking wrong. Unless she knows.
#24re: Closet cases using girls as covers-- Is it wrong?
Posted: 4/26/07 at 7:53am
Of course it's wrong. Namo is right, do you really need to ask?
How selfish to hurt someone else for you own ends. Does he think he's the only one with feelings?
I can see where the pressure comes from, especially in a small town, but seriously "dating" someone to cover is just plain cruel.
Btw-I'll bet everyone except the poor girl knows anyway!
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