Posted: 7/11/19 at 12:05am
Just curious -- how far into the overture do you usually wait to give nasty looks to yapping out of towner yokels and senior citizens who think a Broadway theatre is kinda like their own living room and its o.k. to hold conversations? My personal theory is that the second the conductor enters the pit, its time to go into SHUT THE F*CK UP MODE, but maybe a whisper or two are o.k.
Last week I caught MY FAIR LADY -- a show that has one of the GREATEST overtures of all time, and whose first 8 notes alone are worth the price f the ticket. There was a senile old couple behind me who insisted on starting a conversation three notes in while the schmuck next to me decided to slurp from his cup like a six year old. Fortunately, someone turned back to give the old couple a look... but they didn't quite get the message, and resumed their "My hearing aid needs adjustment...." chat. I turned around and like children they began staring forward pretending to be invisible. They tried it two more times, so I finally turned back, and gave them a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG hard stare with the message, "Try it again... I dare you.... I eat seniles f*cks for breakfast..." and it seemed to work.
My worst experience ever was a DRUNK party of about 3 during HELLO DOLLY who literally had to be told to STFU during the Oak Leaf Monologue. (Not me! A heroic theatre go-er several rows away... it was that loud.) The thing I don't get are the ushers who will go RUNNING down the aisle and tackle anyone who dare pulls out a cell phone during curtain call -- but have no problem with yappers. Why can't they just do a prolonged flashlight shine or what about a seat ejection button that sends them straight to the pits of hell? (maybe a Disney production or ALW production around the corner.)
We need to start a vigilante group to deal with this... I know its the oldest problem in the book, but I can't take it...
Updated On: 7/11/19 at 12:05 AM
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