Disney's First Villainess in FANTASMIC! at Disney-MGM Studios -- What's the deal?

Listening to my FANTASMIC! soundtrack this morning, and this question popped into my head. Firstly a quick synopsis of the show.

Mickey is promoting "imagination". He conjures up classic happy Disney clips, live action Pocahantas sequence, Disney princesses on floating barges dancing with their princes (Snow White, Beauty and Beast, and Ariel and Eric -- although I don't know why they chose her, because she has no feet). At the end of the happy sequence, The Evil Queen from Snow White appears, summoning her magic mirror, who tells her that "three lovelier maids than she" are in town. She gets all pissy, turns into the bug-eyed hag, and summons all the forces of evil to squash the mouse. Ursula, Cruella, Jafar, Hades, and Maleficent (my all-time favorite) rise to the challenge, with Miss Maleficent turning into a fire-breathing dragon while laughing maniacally and setting the entire show lagoon on fire with her dragon breath. Of course, the forces of good triumph, and a showboat rounds the bend with Steamboat Willie as the pilot and every Disney character you can pull out of your ass waving and dancing to the crowd. More fireworks, more pyro, and Mickey ends the show by saying "Some imagination, huh?" right before the final bump of the music.

Okay, the question I have is this: why does the Evil Queen have to morph into bug-eyed hag before she can summon all the other villains/villainesses to carry out her diabolical plan? In her own story, she gets all ugly so she can fool that little squeaky-voiced tool that lives with the short men, but here? WTF? Is it because that her powers are only relegated to commanding household furniture while she's beautiful -- but she's gotta get a wart on her nose before she can talk to her own peeps? Or does she get some kind of thrill out of uglying up -- makes her feel all powerful and sh*t? Couldn't she just as well summon them while she had on eyeshadow and that fabulous cape? Or is she scared Maleficent, in all her green-skinned glory, will steal her thunder?

These are the things I think about while driving to work.

Updated On: 6/25/04 at 09:00 AM

It's a female thing. If a woman asks, "How do you like my new haircut?" and you hesitate for a fraction of a second, you'll get stuck in the black hole of "YOU THINK I'M UGLY!" Imagine what she would do if her own mirror said, "Sorry, but I can show you way prettier girls than you. Look..."

She figures as long as she's butt-ugly, then she might as well go all the way to hatchet-face because it's more intimidating if you're trying to be evil. And you get access to special evil features when you're ugly. The secrets were revealed in Evil Powers for Dummies. Normally, I can only give people offensive B.O., but when I turn myself into Michael Jackson, I can make them waste millions on bad pop music and sleep with their children.

Either that, or she's having a rough menopause. My mother's was far worse.

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You know, I have the CD, but I've never seen the show...

On my last trip to Disney World I took a backstage tour of the theme parks. I believe it was called "Behind the Magic". It was 7 hours long and included stops at EPCOT, MGM STUDIOS and The Magic Kingdom. The 45 minutes spent backstage at FANTASMIC were absolutely engrossing. The amount of work that goes into preparing each performance is staggering.

The tour also included a visit to the city underneath the Magic Kingdom. It's so vast that people travel from one end to another with special go-karts.

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My sister just took the tour also. She loved it. I think it's around 50$?? They told her group if they see a character with it's head off underground in the park tunnels they are not allowed to mention it in case a kid hears.

I'm not backing up the corporate giant that is Disney, but in Into the Woods if anyone remembers... the witch loses her powers to control after she becomes beautiful. Not saying it's right, just its not completely Disney's fault... Oh dear God did I just say that... Well, it's official, the appocalypse is upon us.

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If you've inserted your tongue firmly in your cheek, guess which part of your anatomy I'd like to insert my foot into right now.

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