Failure to Launch...

[SueleenGay]

Posted: 3/9/06 at 2:50pm

Looks like another turkey for SJP. When will they make another GOOD romantic comedy?

[Unknown User]

Posted: 3/9/06 at 2:55pm

I love Sarah Jessica Parker but why are the images of her so hazy in the previews? It reminds me of Lucille Ball in Mame.

[papalovesmambo]

Posted: 3/9/06 at 2:57pm

i dunno, terry bradshaw naked in this? could be a blockbuster exploiting the often ignored people who like to see older sportscasters naked demographic.

[cheezedoodle]

Posted: 3/9/06 at 3:00pm

I would rather sit through Maggie Gyllenhall (sp) and Tom Arnold having sex again.

[Jon]

Posted: 3/9/06 at 3:01pm

It seems that the traitional "chick flick" romantic comedy has given way to the raunchy dude's flick that's really a romantic comedy in disguise: WEDDING CRASHERS and 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN. Once you got past the dirty jokes, these were sweet love stories.

[SueleenGay]

Posted: 3/9/06 at 3:05pm

That is true, Jon, 40 Year Old Virgin really was a romantic comedy. And papa, after seeing Bates naked in About Schmidt I think I'll pass on the Bradshaw Buffness.

[Unknown User]

Posted: 3/9/06 at 3:08pm

sue we all grow old. I don't know how old you are, but I like seeing people closer to my age strutting their stuff.

[SueleenGay]

Posted: 3/9/06 at 3:12pm

I am old enough to know that nobody wants to see me naked on the big screen!

[papalovesmambo]

Posted: 3/9/06 at 3:14pm

well, from what i've seen it doesn't grab me. but i did read an interesting interview with terry bradshaw where he talks about acting. now as a steelers fan i will always love terry no matter what, but even not as a fan i found it interesting hearing about how he tried to get into acting following his football career and why he gave up the idea.
bradshaw bares all

[SueleenGay]

Posted: 3/9/06 at 3:18pm

Oh, it's just his BUTT! I thought it was the full monty.

[Cruel_Sandwich]

Posted: 3/9/06 at 3:47pm

I'm not planning on seeing this movie but I did visit the set last summer when they were filming in New Orleans.

[SueleenGay]

Posted: 3/9/06 at 5:10pm

Did you see Terry Bradshaw's butt?

[papalovesmambo]

Posted: 3/9/06 at 5:12pm

why else would one go to nola?

[Cruel_Sandwich]

Posted: 3/9/06 at 5:57pm

I twas visiting a college there (This was pre-Katrina)

[Auggie27]

Posted: 3/9/06 at 5:57pm

Waste of a good title. Doesn't the March (week after the Oscars) release date spell no convidence? If we still had drive-ins, it would be on a double bill with ANAPOLIS in 3 more weeks. Remember drive-in double bills?

And why can't Kathy Bates find a decent role. She almost made SCHMIDT for me, hot tub scene notwithstanding.

This looks like typical late winter fare, modest two week b.o., DVDs in 90 days.

[Auggie27]

Posted: 3/9/06 at 5:57pm

Waste of a good title. Doesn't the March (week after the Oscars) release date spell no convidence? If we still had drive-ins, it would be on a double bill with ANAPOLIS in 3 more weeks. Remember drive-in double bills?

And why can't Kathy Bates find a decent role. She almost made SCHMIDT for me, hot tub scene notwithstanding.

This looks like typical late winter fare, modest two week b.o., DVDs in 90 days.

[Cruel_Sandwich]

Posted: 3/10/06 at 7:44am

"And why can't Kathy Bates find a decent role."

Ahem. Six Feet Under.



Bahahaha God. Ebert's review of this film is the funniest thing he's written since his review of A LOT LIKE LOVE.
http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060309/REVIEWS/60308002

[Garland Grrrl]

Posted: 3/10/06 at 10:05am

as great as every kathy bates performance is (PRIMARY COLORS, DELORES CLAIBORNE) i will alway shave a soft spot for her work in THE WATERBOY.

Updated On: 3/10/06 at 10:05 AM

[SueleenGay]

Posted: 3/10/06 at 12:23pm

Just read the Cream of the Crop snippets for a laugh...

RT

[BSoBW3]

Posted: 3/10/06 at 12:32pm

I'm with you, Grrrl.

[Borstalboy]

Posted: 3/10/06 at 12:58pm

SJP's next picture is the sure-to-be-straight-to-video film adaptation of Rebecca Gilman's self-righteous SPINNING INTO BUTTER (one of the worst titles ever). Girl needs help!!!

[BluCat500]

Posted: 3/10/06 at 1:08pm

No one mutilates James Caan better than she.

E.T.A Aw, Joe Cassidy and Kathy Bates just look so cute together.

Updated On: 3/10/06 at 01:08 PM

[Cruel_Sandwich]

Posted: 3/10/06 at 1:38pm

Failure to Launch is such a bad bad bad title....

[JerseyGirl2]

Posted: 3/10/06 at 2:59pm

I actually thought it was cute. It wasn't an Oscar contender by any stretch, but parts of it were fun while parts were completely unnecessary. And Matthew is adorable. (Too bad he almost always seems to play the same person.)

[Cruel_Sandwich]

Posted: 3/10/06 at 11:47pm

Okay I saw this tonight so you don't have to. I can't reiterate this enough. DO. NOT. SEE. FAILURE. TO. LAUNCH.

It's horrible. And not just in a regular "bad" way. This is horrible in a completely new, foreign, alien kind of horrible. This is the 2001: A Space Odyssey "Star Child" of bad movies, symbolizing the next step that bad films will undergo.

Every single aspect of the movie is just.....so....bad. A few posts before, I criticized the use of "FAILURE TO LAUNCH" as a title. In fact, this film has proved me wrong. Never before has a film been more apt. This is a failure to launch into the romantic comedy heavens. This is a failure to launch into the 40-Year-Old Virgin-style "sweet guy movie" territory. And it is a failure to launch in general, sputtering out...and out...and out.

Probably the biggest problem is that both Matthew's and Sarah's characters are complete idiots. Matthew's character plans to live with his parents for the next eon while Sarah's character makes a living at (I'm not making this up...) attempting to get grown men out of their parents' houses by falling in love with them. And what, pray tell, is her fool-proof, flaw-resistant, hole-free plan for this course of action, you may ask?

"You look nice, you find out what they like, and you pretend to like it, too. You encourage them to share a sad experience with you. And you ask them to teach you something."

In addition, the movie has a bizarre fetish for showing characters being bitten and attacked by animals. In fact, anytime we DO see an animal, it ends up biting someone. I am highly afraid that director Tom Dey is attempting to reference THE GODFATHER, in which the color orange foreshadows tragedy.

I never thought a movie could actually make me hate Zooey Deschanel but "Failure" actually "succeeded" at that (LOLZ!). Her character is meant to be "charmingly eccentric" but is, in fact, one of the creepiest "best friend" characters I can remember in a movie for quite some time. She spends her time yelling at a poor bird singing delightfully outside of her window and, in one of the most peculiar scenes of this or any film, attempts to kill it with a BB gun (Of course, she has a change of heart and attempts to give it CPR after she has shot it. And, of course, the bird ends up biting someone after she does this.). I felt completely uneasy anytime she was onscreen, moods swinging and bells ringing.

The editing in this movie has got to be some of the worst I have seen in a movie released by a major studio since ENVY. Roger Ebert, in his review, writes the following:

"The editing of the film is strangely fragmented. I first noticed this during a backyard conversation between the parents. There's unusually jerky cutting on lines of dialogue, back and forth, as if the film is unwilling to hold the characters in the same shot while they talk to each other."

Yesssssss. And to that, I add that at times it gets downright incomprehensible. A character can be speaking at a far distance, yet the audio still sounds as if she is still right in front of the camera. And don't get me started on shots that are inexplicably cut right in the middle. (Rob Corrdry has a throwaway cameo that is pretty much obscured by shoddy editing.)

(SPOILER WARNING)

This being a formula rom-com, the movie has the standard "ERGH-YOU'VE-BEEN-LYING-TO-ME-YET-I-REALLY-LOVEICA-YOU" scene. And the standard "LET'S-RECONCILE!" scene. But never in my 18 years of seeing romantic comedies has such a scene been so unbelievable or carried such disturbing undercurrents.

Sarah Jessica Parker's friends take her to a house, lock her inside, and tell her to "look in the closet". In the closet, she finds Matthew's character bound and gagged in a chair. They argue. But this being the classic "TRAPPED-IN-A-SMALL-SPACE" scene, they have to make up and hug and kiss.

But then it turns out that the friends are watching them on a webcam that has been installed in the house. And they're projecting it on a wide screen in some restaurant, with every patron viewing. I know someone is going to make a good "wiretapping" joke about this disturbing sociopathic, ugly, and selfish behavior by their friends, so I will let someone do so.

And it's all capped off with a Terry Bradshaw nude scene! Yay! I just want to hug a bunny while touching cotton candy after that wuvvable scene.

Don't see this movie. If you do, I will personally skin you alive.