Good answering machine message

[ashley0139]

Posted: 9/14/05 at 6:36pm

For as long as I have had my phone, I haven't changed my message. Anyone got any clever or funny ones?

[justme2]

Posted: 9/14/05 at 6:45pm

well.....years ago, I had Dee Hoty's introduction from the "Call Me" number in Best Little Whorehouse goes Public as my message.

"Howdy boys...are you a stay at home, shut in, couch potato? Then welcome to Miss Mona and her ladies..a private phone club....."

[KelRel]

Posted: 9/14/05 at 7:43pm

Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline. If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line until we can trace the call. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press. If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.

[Dollypop]

Posted: 9/14/05 at 7:47pm

I once used "A Call From The Vatican" on my answering machine. It flustered my pastor when he called.

[lamentingenvelope]

Posted: 9/14/05 at 8:31pm

I don't know what mine is. But I think it has a lot of fo shizzles in it.

People love it when anyone says 'fo shizzle.' It always gets a big laugh. Even "leave a message, fo shizzle" is a sure-fire crowd please. Fo shizzles make everything the sheesey what what word to ya motha.

[Beergoggles]

Posted: 9/14/05 at 8:34pm

well if you want the majority of your messages to start with "you little (insert random swear word)" then feel free to use mine!

When they ring my answering machine message say's....

hello

hello?

hello!

hello (abruptly)

it's a machine you fool... leave your message after the tone!

Get's people every time! They're shouting thinking you can't hear them! One of my friends, bless him, hadn;t heard it. He was sat next to me and rang my phone to hear it and actually said hello... funniest thing!

[SweetQintheLights]

Posted: 9/14/05 at 9:07pm

I used to have a ton of good answering machine messages saved until my computer crashed....aarrgg....

Here are 2 that I do remember. The second one I don't know that well but maybe someone can help...
Sorry, they are really dumb

1.You know what I hate about answering machine messages? They go on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, "We aren't in, leave a message." That's why I've decided to keep mine simple and short. I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call me...

2. Hi, if you are my mother I need money, if you are my girlfriend, I have plenty of money, if you are the electric company, I already sent in the damn bill! If you are calling for any other reason, leave a message and the reason for the call and if I like the reason you are calling- I will call you back.

[My Fair Lady]

Posted: 9/14/05 at 9:14pm

Mine is:
"I'm a gangster,
I'm straight up g,
the gangster life is the life for me,
shooting people by day,
selling drugs by night,
beign a gangster is hella tight."

Remember to over-enunciate each word and sound as white/Jewish as you can.

[Dre2387]

Posted: 9/14/05 at 9:15pm

i have right now:

"hello?
hello?
I can't hear you!
Hello?
Are you there?
Hey, if you're trying to call ____ aka Dre, she's not here. just leave a message."

my mom loves it, gets her everytime. still laughs about it. my dad called me, heard it and started talking, trying to get me. then realized it was a message and hung up in disgust (he's British) lol.

[Cruel_Sandwich]

Posted: 9/14/05 at 9:19pm

Mine is simply:

"The eyes of the Ranger are upon you"

Although I'm thinking of changing it to:

"BRITISH CHILD: Please sir, I want some more.
STRICT ADULT: FOR MORE?!?! THAT BOY SHALL BE HANGED!

If you don't want Oliver Twist to be hung, please leave a message after the beep"

[Dirty Rotten Scoundrel]

Posted: 9/14/05 at 9:20pm

This is mine:


"Hello?" :pause: "Oh hey! How's it goin?! :longer pause: "yeah..you're talking to my machine right now so leave me a message and I'll get back to ya" I can't tell you how many of my messages start off with "Gah I hate you!" and them laughing and stuff. It's really funny. Here's a tidbit, I recorded it during the intermission of DRS the first time I saw it.

[Cruel_Sandwich]

Posted: 9/14/05 at 9:22pm

" "Hello?" :pause: "Oh hey! How's it goin?! :longer pause: "yeah..you're talking to my machine right now so leave me a message and I'll get back to ya" I can't tell you how many of my messages start off with "Gah I hate you!" and them laughing and stuff. It's really funny. Here's a tidbit, I recorded it during the intermission of DRS the first time I saw it. "

I really wouldn't recommend using this message anymore. So many people have it that it's becoming so passe that it's almost making Napoleon Dynamite look like cutting edge satire.

[Dre2387]

Posted: 9/14/05 at 9:42pm

when I first saw the title of the thread, i thought it said "God answering machine message"

[~FloweryFriend~]

Posted: 9/15/05 at 12:49am

Mine is...


"Why do you build me up, build me up, buttercup baby, just to let me down? Leave me a message!"

[jam_man]

Posted: 9/15/05 at 7:09am

Dre, I wonder what God's answering machine message would be?

Right now, mine is:

ME: Leave a message at the tone.
DAVE CHAPPELLE (AS LIL' JOHN): WHAT?
ME: Leave a message at the tone.
LIL' JOHN: WHAT?
ME: Leave a message at the tone.
LIL' JOHN: O-KAY!

But your's are all much better.

[Unknown User]

Posted: 9/15/05 at 8:26am

Hey - I am either:

On the lam,
On the phone,
On the john,
Or on my bone.
Leave a message.

[Unknown User]

Posted: 9/15/05 at 8:31am

My favorite one is from wedding crashers..

This is John...............Whatever!

[Dollypop]

Posted: 9/15/05 at 8:23pm

This is one I use during the holidays:

Me (as Carol Channing):

Hello, this is Carol, but you can think of me as your "Christmas Carol". Dolly's so busy with holiday activities that he's asked me to take his messages. At the tone leave your name and a brief message and I'll get it to him as soon as he's finished under the mistletoe. Oh raspberries! I do hope I don't mess this up!

[BwayLeadman]

Posted: 9/15/05 at 8:28pm

"How would you like if I called while YOU were having sex? Leave me a message"

[Act0r721]

Posted: 9/15/05 at 8:32pm

Yeah, I hate the people who do the fake hello's. Laaaaaame.

Am I really the only person here whose voicemail is "Defying Gravity"? It's my friend, Geneva. Zepka's heard it! HeH.

[jam_man]

Posted: 9/15/05 at 8:35pm

BwayLeadman, that's HILARIOUS!!! I would ask to use that as mine, but I'm afraid my mother would hear it.

[manders]

Posted: 9/15/05 at 8:51pm

Where can I listen to this Josh Groban gangster song?

[Marlene]

Posted: 9/15/05 at 9:04pm

Hey/Hello...{insert your usual greeting when you answer the phone}
*allow for a several second pause* (Where the caller begins to talk)
Then laugh, or make some smart ass comment, or just say angelically that you're not there.

It usually pisses people off, and makes them feel rather stupid. Althought not a good idea if you give someone imporant your cell phone number.

Updated On: 9/15/05 at 09:04 PM