I believe SNAFU said "ex wife", but still, I wouldn't pay a penny. I wish I could sue my ex, but the government sides with my ex in refusing to acknowledge our relationship ever existed.
There is a huge difference between being a victim and playing the victim. Being a victim is totally valid and it's not a choice. When a person gets stabbed, nobody says, "Stop being a victim!" The moment someone purposely inflicts pain onto another, they become a victim by definition. Playing the victim is about wallowing in self-pity and that is a natural immediate response, but it's truly an unhealthy position for long. And take it from me, it's not an easy place from which to escape. I would love to truly hate my ex for what he did to me, but I still haven't quite gotten there yet. My brain keeps replaying what happened and reminding me of the situation and the depression and anxiety take over. But I notice it is happening less frequently now, which is progress! I've noticed a shift in thinking, but it does take effort on my part. Make the effort.
Try to memorize your phone number backwards, or a monologue, the lyrics to a complicated song (I've got half of On the Verge down and run through it every night when I got to bed) or the Best Musical Tony winners in order by year. Or just write. Write about what happened or about yourself or try to come up with a new children's story. Make a list. Create a highly detailed database of your musical theatre or movie collection using software you're not familiar with. I try and do anything that will keep my mind occupied so it doesn't fall back into the darkness. And it helps. Phone calls with friends helps as well. Distraction, distraction, distraction...
"What can you expect from a bunch of seitan worshippers?" - Reginald Tresilian
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